Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Black Hole.

(DISCLAIMER: This is not my purse..I don't have a pic of my actual purse, but I don't like posting a blog entry w/o a pic, so I used this pic of this purse that I wish I had (costs an arm, a leg and your first born). PS...My actual purse is bigger than this one.)

So I'm "lunching" (as Jana Banana & her friends call it) with my Mom & K Sweetheart today when I look at the clock and realize I better wrap it up and get a move on or there is no way I'm getting back to work on time. I'm running to my car (already in a huge hurry, you see) when I reach into my giant purse to retrieve my keys (When I say giant, I mean giant..My purse could house a small person). To my disgust, my hand comes up for air without said keys. Disgusted, I plunge back in for a second try. Again, nothing.

Annoyed & running late, I set my purse down on my car and open it wide for a better view...Where could my keys have gone? I know I threw them in a mere 40 minutes ago. Why is it that every time I toss my keys into my purse they fall into a gaping black hole and disappear forever? Seriously, I'm not joking, it happens! A black hole. Gone. Forever.

After searching the main portal of my purse, I grudgingly move on to the millions of pockets, cubbies and otherwise annoying secret hideouts, all the while standing outside in the freezing cold, feeling like a moron while hundreds (seriously, hundreds it seems) of smarter, more beautiful, more perfect people easily reach into their pockets, retrieve their keys, hop into their shiny BMW's and speed off all in one fluid motion.

Why am I such a tard?

After zipping, unzipping, opening this flap, closing that flap and doing everything short off dumping the contents of my now retched, ridiculous purse onto the parking lot ground, my keys (feeling sorry for me by now) make their way out of the gaping black hole and emerge.

Pissed off and late, I contemplate why this always happens to me as I make my way back to the office. I consider the gaping black hole that is my purse. It is rather large. Do I really need a purse that big? What is it that I even keep in there?

Back in the comforts of my swirly chair, I decide to venture into my black hole and see.
Surprisingly, my purse is full of a whole lot of nothing.

-A shirt I made Toby wear on Christmas that says "Define Naughty" (haha, cute huh?)
-Bottles of lotion (because I am addicted, literally, and my body no longer produces it's own moisture)
-My fav lip balm (we discussed this earlier)
-Wallet & Cell
-Millions of receipts
-My retainer (Note to self: I am a nerd)
-A paperclip
-Lots of jewelry
-Tissues and
-Headache Medicine.

I consider my options. If necessary, I could probably survive without most of this stuff. My wallet, cell phone and keys, I need. The rest are just....Okay (let's be honest) my wallet, cell phone, keys and lip balm...and lotion I NEED, the rest aren't really necessary. I suppose I could scale down and buy a smaller purse.

As I contemplate this, I think of all the good times me and my black hole have had. That time, for instance, I was walking around campus and it started to pour and I was able to fit all of my books and my notebook (and the previously mentioned contents of my everyday black hole) safely inside so they didn't get ruined. Or the time Jack and I were at the park and he got winded and had to ride inside...I think fondly of the time G fell and twisted his ankle and I was able to sweep him up and plop him.....no, just kidding.

The point is, I'm attached to my black hole. It's beautiful, and soft, and it makes everything I am wearing look good and chances are I paid a pretty penny for it and even though it is a black hole, I would rather spend 10 minutes searching through it for keys, then be practical.

Sometimes even I don't get myself.

4 comments:

  1. sok, i know i leave comments EVERYDAY...but i am sitting here watching A.N.T.M. marathon and i know exactly how you feel with the purse thing. i just got a new one from urban and its not huge, but definitly bigger than my last one.

    i look through mine and out comes my wallet, planner, floss (cant live without), 4 different lip glosses, fingernail clippers, face and hand lotion, ipod, gum, kleenex, pepto (dont ask), comb, nail file...honestly-i need to stop.

    on top of that my phone is this tiny dark-blue piece and i ALWAYS loose it in my black hole along with my keys. not fun.

    but the beauty and price are still worth it for some reason! the things we do to look good.

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  2. I really like your purse though! YOU are really funny. Of course I remember you, didn't you come to meet Owen (who was just getting to bed) and my very large 3 year old was still sleeping in a crib and had a 36" TV in his room (we were remodeling the basement, I swear, but that doesn't explain the bes situation - he's in a "big boy bed" now). Can you tell I was a little embarrassed and possibly scarred from the embarrassment. Now I feel redeemed in explaining the TV situation. You are funny, I love your blog, hope all is well.

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  3. Yes, me again, but just yesterday I had a key situation where I had hopped into the car with my friend, although previously intending to drive (she was going the same place and stopped by to see if we needed a ride). The fam was going out to dinner and my bro's family is in town, and we were parked all lined up blocking each other. Anyhoo, AK calls and asks if I have his keys, and to my dismay, I have both sets of his keys totally blocking everyone in and unable to escape and pick us up etc. It took a sister in Holladay to come to where I was and then drop off the keys at home. I babble and should have just put this on my blog huh? OMG, also keys got my husband and I together in the first place (me having lost them) a story for another time.

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  4. I have a solution! I promise I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Why, why, WHY was it so rediculously hard to find my keys in my purse!?! However, I found a solution. There is a little something I like to call my key finder :) I wish I had a picture to show you exactly what I am talking about. It is a small hook that hooks at the top of your bag that is connected to your keys. I just got a plain silver one, but you can get one with a heart, flower, or any other cute design. My mom introduced it to me, and I introduced it to my mother-in-law 'cause it would always take her 9 years to find her keys. We are (what you would call) obsessed! They are one of the greatest inventions ever! You can find these amazing items at The Art Garden. If you just go in there and ask about the "key finders" they'll know what you are talking about. Trust me, you'll love it! never have trouble finding them again!

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thank you for your shout outs!