Monday, April 28, 2008

This is the most pointless post ever written.

It's an amazing thing when you discover your hatred for a food. I can't say that I hate very many foods, in fact, right now, I can't think of any foods I hate. I have never been a picky eater, which has probably done me more harm than good. My husband, on the other hand, hates all sorts of things...He is the type to hate a food without having ever tried it, which drives me a little bit nuts. The other day, I wanted to cook squash with dinner, and G was just repulsed. Our conversation went a little something like this:

g: Squash?!?!?
me: Yes?
g: That's sick.
me: Have you ever tried it?
g: I don't think so, but it's sick, isn't it? i mean...it's squash.
me: no...it's delicious?
g: I'm pretty sure squash is disgusting.
me: okay then.

I, on the other hand, will assume every food is delicious until proven otherwise. And it is extremely rare that a food proves otherwise. However today, I found my first HATED food.

As I was driving home for lunch, hungry Jess & healthy Jess were in a bit of a quarrel. Hungry Jess was seriously craving pizza, because several Agents had been eating it earlier and she had been smelling it all day. Healthy Jess, on the other hand, was rooting for a Salad. Unfortunately for me, healthy Jess won. So, I stopped by Harmons and grabbed a salad. Go Healthy Jess! Back at home, I settled in to enjoy and took the first bite.

I was horrified.

What was that?! It was so disgusting I blacked out for 5 minutes. When I came to, I inspected the mystery food...It looked like cheese that had gone horribly horribly wrong. Maybe rotted for a few months? This couldn't be right. And then it hit me---This was blue cheese. And I hated it. So much so that I threw the entire salad away & dry heaved the whole way to work.

So there you go folks. I despise blue cheese and I'm not going to lie...I'm kind of excited.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

plastic. surgery. people.

It is simply a question of how much. How much plastic surgery? How much nipping and tucking and injecting and sucking and stapling and prodding does it take to look like Shayne's mother? And how much lip liner for that matter? I need to know.

She made me afraid of tanning beds. Something 15 months working at Hollywood Tans and dozens of leather-skinned UV ray addicted skin cancer patients could not do.

Seriously people, I couldn't get over it. The lip liner, the boobs, the eyeliner, the furniture! I know you were all thinking the same thing last night. Just fess up and admit it.

Or, am I the only one?

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Yesterday, when I was at my Mom's house, she insisted that I read this book by Dr. Laura, and even let me borrow her copy. My Mom has listened to Dr. Laura my whole life and I have mixed feelings about her...I love saying her last name because it is a ridiculous tongue twister (seriously, try to say it 5 times fast), but I hate how mean she can be to innocent little callers who need advice.

Anyways, the first thing I asked when my Mom told me to read it was, "Can I borrow your copy of 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives' also?" But, I was stunned to find that that book doesn't exist. No fair.

I brought it home and showed it to G over dinner (while I fed him gourmet tuna melts) and he was, of course, thrilled to learn that I would be reading a book about how to properly feed him. Of course, he insisted that this was not because I need any help in that area, since I am already an A+ wife.

Anyways, I am going to start it today and we shall see what kind of feeding and/or caring-for Dr. Schlesh wants me to do. I have been married for a whole year and 7 months now (which pretty much makes me an expert) and if you ask me, the best way to care for your husband is to laugh at his jokes. Even when they aren't funny. Which, I totally do....See?


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I must talk about the Bachelor...

I was going to try not to vent about the Bachelor on my blog, but cute Chelsea's new post just took the words out of my mouth & now I just can't keep my mouth shut.

I just need to say that I couldn't be more thrilled that Matt got rid off Robyn & Marshana because I couldn't stand either of them! Finally!! I was completely blown away, because he always seemed very into Robyn, but I loved seeing her get crushed (mean, I know). She was so cocky & arrogant, though, I felt like she deserved it. And what about her face during the rose ceremony? She always looked like such a snot.

And Marshana! Uggghh...How she lasted that long is beyond me. It was clear from day 1 that her & Matt had NOTHING in common. And their kiss grossed me out so much I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I screamed for joy when they both got eliminated...I mean I literally screamed for joy...at my TV...it was pathetic.

And Shayne. I like Shayne. She won me over on her first one-on-one date with Matt when she admitted to being completely materialistic and high maintenance. I loved her honesty. She is probably the only girl in Bachelor history who hasn't tried to be something she isn't in order to win. She is funny & sarcastic too, which I love...I am rooting for her.

I also love Meeps (aka Amanda) because she has the meeps, which is hilarious. She seems genuine and sincere, but I am not sure if she is outgoing enough for Matt, but still, she has the meeps! That is so awesome!

Anyways, I feel like all my reality TV dreams have now come true after last nights episode! Now, let's just hope Matt does us all a favor & actually chooses someone in the end. I can't hate on Brad, though, he was my favorite Bachelor of all time (again, because of his honesty) but I was so sad to see Jenni crushed. Loved her.

Thanks for listening! I feel so much better!!!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Jon tries to buy a fren.

The other day, my brother, Jon, went to Petco to buy a new fish for his current fishes, Fish & Toby (named after little T). The lady at Petco took one look at Jon and decided he was an un-fit fish owner. She was something of a fish-nazi. She told him he had to have a heater, he needed a bigger tank (because each fish needed a gallon of it's own water) and she said he couldn't buy only one fish because the fish would get lonely. She also claimed that the water had to go through a nitrogen cycle before he could put the fish in, which would take up to eight weeks and that the fish would grow to be more than 6 inches long. Jon kept choosing new fish and asking if he could buy that kind and the lady said no every time. Eventually, he left the store sad and broken-hearted.

So, this post is to prove that Jon is, in fact, a loving, dedicated fish owner, who has not only revived his dead fish after it jumped out of the tank and onto the carpet, but even has a t shirt dedicated to his little ones.

Take that Fish Nazi!!!!

happy.

1. Happy because of a great weekend. Had so much fun visiting with Jennie on Friday & seeing more family on Saturday for Heidi's wedding shower and the Real Game later that night.
2. Happy because I have a cute & kind husband who takes such good care of our dogs and loves them just as much as I do. Don't tell him I told you this, but I never have to give our dogs baths or clip their nails, because G always does it for me & has done it since day 1 of dog ownership. It takes a sweet guy to bathe the dogs every single week and I am happy I never have to do it!
3. Happy because I have two adorable nieces, Morgan and Makayla that I love so so much! Happy that niece numero 3 is on her way.
4. Happy because of my sweet sunbeams and especially little Ruby who brought me a hand-picked bouquet of flowers to church today. It really is the little things like that that make life great!
5. Happy that it's spring!!! It is supposed to be 80 degrees tomorrow, can you believe it?!?! I think they should give everyone the day off work to celebrate the warmth!

Just so happy.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

curse of the returns.

Lately, I have had issues with shopping. I think I am going through a fashion funk or something. I can't figure out what I like, which is so unlike a decisive girl like me.

I got a $50 gift card to Target from my work for my birthday (thanks girls) and yesterday I finally decided to spend it. I came home with 3 tops & a pair of earrings (isn't that the beauty of Target) that I thought I loved. I woke up this morning and hated everything besides the earrings. They will all be returned this weekend for round numero dos.

I have also purchased and returned 3, count-em 3, church dresses thus far. They looked fabulous in the dressing room, but somehow morphed into something else at my house!?

Has this ever happened to you?

Also, I found this fun blog while surfing. Perfect if you are planning a wedding...hint, hint, nudge, nudge...Sarah.

P.S. I realize that this is a pointless post, but it's all I've got! Tear.

tonight's the night!

we better get a hot jam moment to thank us for sticking with them through the strike.
eh, eh, eh?!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

what the...

So last night, I decided to do something I have never done before...

While making dinner, I decided to line my baking sheet with wax paper, to hopefully make cleaning up a little easier (thrilling, I know, this is the life of married me). Anyways, I have seen cooler women do this and I thought nothing of it.

It didn't work out so well for me.

5 minutes into the cooking process, I hear our smoke alarm (and in turn, house alarm) blaring through the house and run upstairs to see a smoke-filled kitchen. G quickly takes the smoke-alarm apart, as I open the oven to see that the wax paper has completely started on fire and is burning to a crisp!

I am so confused?!?! I thought that was what wax paper was for!? Somebody help me out, please, because I must be clueless or something?

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

brace yourselves...

I've been "Bag Tagged" by Tori, so here we go!

Here are the rules:
1. Take a picture of your bag
2. Show a picture of ALL the contents in your bag and then name them NO CLEANING OUT FIRST!!!!
3. "Bag Tag" five to ten people

4. Leave a comment on their blog that says "You've Been Bag Tagged!"

Okay, I seriously, seriously can't believe I am doing this. You are all going to think I am one sick freak after seeing everything in my purse. Please, first, let me point out that I have been traveling a lot lately & a few of the items in this purse are there for that reason.

So, here is the purse I have been carrying lately. I always bring this purse on trips because it is huge & can carry everything (as you will see), but it definitely is not my cutest or favorite purse. I wish I could show you a cuter one, but rules are rules.

It looks innocent enough.

Here is a peek inside. Looks pretty jammed, but surprisingly, it still closes with no problem.

And here is everything that is in it right now!

We have an Us Weekly, a book, my wallet & check book, my day planner (only carry this on trips), a water bottle, an orange, a bottle of excedrin migraine, an empty lia sophia box, my camera case, a pair of gloves (you can't see these because they are black & blend into the table), my temple recommend, 2 bottles of lotion, one bottle of body splash, my cell phone, 2 lip glosses and 2 chapsticks, 7 pens, 3 elastics, face powder, i-pod headphones, icebreakers & gum, a paperclip, 2 bracelets and 1 necklace, 2 pairs of sunglasses, a headband, 2 plane tickets, 5 receipts, 2 to-do lists & 5 grocery lists.

I seriously need help. I am going to go clean out my purse now and this will just be an awful memory!

Now I tag: Chelsea, Annie, Jennie, Rache & anyone else who wants to bear their soul!

Ps...This seriously, seriously, seriously does have something to do with the fact that I haven't cleaned out my purse since my trip a week ago. I swear. It is not usually this full!