Wednesday, April 15, 2009

i'm supposed to be writing a talk right now.


g is sitting in the chair next to me, working diligently on preparing his talk for sacrament meeting (and if any of my family or friends are reading this, don't ask me when we are speaking...trust me, you won't be missing anything). every now & then he asks me a question about the format and the topics and i nod and agree and say something about "starting with a joke" and "ending with a testimony" and continue typing away. i'm writing my talk, too, you see....i am, i am.

toby magoo & mr. j bubba olsen are wrestling on the floor beside me. in case you are thinking to yourself, "wow! i wasn't even sure if she had dogs anymore, she NEVER mentions them!" i know i don't & i'm sorry...and yes, they are still alive despite several attempts i made to KILL THEM a few days ago when they brought solid poops in through the dog door (again) and scattered them in my living room.

j bubba is currently losing the wrestling match, which i'm sure has something to do with the fact that he can't keep up anymore. lately, g & i have been quite concerned about the weight of a certain mr. j bubba olsen and although we've tried to be positive, the real low point came when he tried to jump on our bed one night & failed after 10 straight attempts. now, j bubba is pretty much a portrait of "the little engine that could" in that he will try again and again and again until he succeeds. he fell flat on his face multiple times when he was a puppy before he ever made it to the bed. and once he finally landed on top, i'm pretty sure he shook his little paw at the sky & said "TAKE THAT!!".

needless to say, we were a proud mother & father.

so it's understandable that watching him finally give up and realize he could no longer catapult his rolly, polly body into the air and onto our bed, was a real rough moment for the whole family. i think g made have shed a tear or two.

i really can't tell you when he went from being slender to being a chub, but suddenly he was breathing heavily and not even attempting to jump on the bed & though i tried not to see it, even i, HIS MOTHER, couldn't ignore the rolls that were accumulating on his sides. we finally took him to the vet and as the scale tipped to a whopping 8 pounds i knew we had a problem. it was then, that the vet firmly sat me down and informed me that 8 pounds for a dog his size, was "moderately overweight and something to be concerned about".

now he weighs 14.

i don't know what to do with my little man. i assure you, i'm not one of those crazies that feeds my dogs hot dogs & bacon smothered in butter every night. the pups stick to a strict diet of healthy, organic dog food (seriously, the stuff's good. the petco salesman maybe told us it was 'even good enough for humans', so g & i maybe tasted it when we got home, just to be sure.) g has even tried to take him running a few times & we are a park-lovin', walk-takin' family. i'm convinced he must be sneaking out at night and smuggling girl-scout cookies from the pantry, because i rarely see him eat. closet eater, maybe? is he hiding out in the middle of the night, consuming all his calories while he cries into the tub of ice cream he's working on?

g is looking at me funny now & wondering how i am just typing this talk without any research, so i suppose i better

s l o w
d o w n
m y
t y p i n g . . .

more looks, more suspicion.

i'm out. (like shout!).

5 comments:

  1. This post made me laugh so hard! I loved the part where you said you better slow your typing down.. I literally laughed out loud and said "She's so funny!" Thanks for always keeping us smiling! Good luck with your talk.. I'm sure if it comes from the heart like your blogs do that everyone will absolutely love it!

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  2. Yeah, good luck with your talk. We were lucky enough to have a baby and then a bishopric change right after we moved in, so I think we've dodged the bullet! Woo hoo! People that have moved in after us have already given there's, ha ha ha, but we keep that quiet around here. We don't want to raise any suspicion.
    J Bubba just needs to admit that he has a problem - that's the first step. There's nothing you can do for him until he does....
    Love you, my lover

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  3. Sneaky sneaky! HaHa! Your poor little doggie. I'm sorry. Good luck on your talk!

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  4. WHOA! 14 pounds for that little guy is pretty hefty! Good luck on trying to get him slim. As for the talk (Kiersti, I'm totally calling your bishop! LOL!) you could do like my dad always did, just wait until the last minute (right before the meeting starts) pray for inspiration and BAM! You've got yourself one heck of a talk without a ton of prep! Now my mom on the other hand has to write and research for at least a week, fretting the entire time! Guess you just need a talent for BSing is you take my dad's route!

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  5. Dan and I were asked to give talks this Sunday. haha. He's almost done with his and I have yet to really get a start on it.... oh well. I'm sure it'll just fall together. right?

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thank you for your shout outs!