should've been a cowgirl!

for memorial day, g & i escaped "the city" and spent the weekend up in midway.

i've been staying at the homestead at least once a summer since i was a little girl & the resort holds tons of great memories for me. it's always nice to get away for a little while and enjoy some fresh (pollen filled) air.

and while we are talking about pollen, let's discuss my allergies for a moment.

seriously, they are out of control. my nose is a faucet.

think gjo times 10.

yes.

anyways, despite my cracking-from-all-the-tissues nose, we still had a lovely time.

we played board games, roasted marshmallows, swung on the swings, ate lunch by the pond, played soccer, found baby skunks, saw a movie, swam in the pool, ate out, went to an outdoor concert, went horseback riding and just enjoyed the long weekend.

thanks fam, thanks mom & dad, thanks midway...i love you.

naughty gentlemen.

this is my pup,
mr. j bubba olsen.

he is adorable, as you can see.
he is photogenic and loving and sweet.

his top to favorite past times are:
eating his poop
and kissing you on the mouth.

he is a real gentlemen,
except for the fact that he loves pull roots out of the ground
and in through the dog door in his spare time.

and he eats his poop.

did i mention that?

today, he was in puppy jail.
i can't remember what he did,
but i'm sure it was very naughty.

the end.

love note.

dear kris,

you are my musical soul mate. when you sang "falling slowly" i maybe watched the performance 10 times in a row & almost cried. and just so you know, my 2 yr old niece thinks you are my husband when she sees you on tv. and my husband's a hottie, which makes you a hottie by comparison. congratulations on that.

ps. please tell your wife to wear a better dress tomorrow. this is her 15 minutes of fame...no tacky prom dresses allowed.


dear adam,

i don't get you. why does everyone like you? i keep thinking you are going to lose your voice from all the SHRIEKING and SCREAMING but each week i am disappointed to see that you are going to yell at me YET AGAIN. me & g trudge through your performances & sometimes fast forward when we've had enough. i really hope you lose tomorrow. sorry to be harsh, but you are not my cup of tea.

ps. quit yelling at me!

bootylicious.

Sometimes, I like to make myself feel better by pretending that I am an independent woman, like Beyoncé. Whenever I feel the urge, I put on my black leotard and do the "Single Ladies" dance in my living room, just like she does. And then I go out and kill spiders, pay the bills all by myself, take walks alone at night & defend myself from rapists. Because I'm just that independent.

Or not.

Truthfully, I rely on my husband for many things. He is the one in our family who takes out the trash and kills the bugs and mows the lawn. He is also the one who does the heavy lifting and the checking of the house for killers at 3 am. Call us stereotypical, but I enjoy the fact that G is manly & wants to do manly things for me. I think it's hot. Especially when he does the manly things shirtless.

But, today I decided to put on my independent woman leotard & channeled my inner Beyoncé, when I came home to my sweltering house (seriously, its 81 degrees in here right now and it's 8:11 pm) and found a wasp circling my living room. I should probably preface this by letting you know that I am terrified and I mean TERRIFIED of bees. I have been stung over 30 times in my lifetime, with the majority of those stings being in Elementary when I was attacked by an entire hive of yellow jackets. They crawled up my shirt. And burrowed in my hair. And stung me 27 times. And I was 11.

Yes.

So, when I managed trap the devil behind a wall of shutters, without screaming or running from my home, I felt like an independent woman, even though I probably shouldn't have. And I realize that admitting my pathetic-ness to all of you could cause you to virtually roll your eyes at me, but oh well. It's the truth. I am terrified of bees and tonight, I wrangled one.

Go.
Me.

the lesson i'm learning.

This morning I woke up to two little puppies curled tightly against my body. Both had snuck up to join me there. Both had surprised my with their presence. I lay there for a moment and listened to G hustle about in the darkness. Soon, the expected kiss came and then, too quickly, he was gone. I rolled back on to my stomach and pushed snooze again, stealing a few more minutes of silence before Friday arrived.

At lunch time, Jenny & I ventured out across the parking lot to a sunny little patch of grass near a tree. We put on our sunglasses, rolled up our jeans and layed in the sunshine. We talked a lot about life, and relationships, and timing. We talked about how hard it is to have the patience to wait for things to happen when they are supposed to, rather than when we wish they would. We all want different things, we are all reaching for different destinations, and sometimes the road we must travel to get there is different than the path we originally envisioned. Sometimes the destination is different, too.

I think I've been learning this lesson lately. I've thought about it, prayed about it, tried to wrap my brain around it. It all comes back to patience. How do I cultivate the patience I need to let my moments come when they are supposed to, rather than when I wish they would? How do I trust that the good things that pass me by, might lead to better things somewhere down the road?

Yesterday, while visiting with a few ladies in my ward, my visiting teaching companion offered some perfect advice. "Life isn't a sprint, she said, it's a marathon. Every thing we achieve in life comes after moments and moments of failure. We get up everyday and try our best and everyday we fail a little bit, until one day when we finally realize that all that failure has become success."

I believe that sometimes the reward is in the failure. Sometimes the reward is the bumps and bruises and lessons we learn along the way. Sometimes the reward is in who all the failure turns us into...who it helps us become. Maybe the reward is in the fact that we don't become who we thought we would be, but instead, we become something better.

G didn't get the job I wrote about a while ago. We were sad and discouraged when we found out. Like I mentioned before, the job would have brought on some happy changes for our family. We thought it was what we needed and we prayed for it all to work out. But, for whatever reason, it simply didn't and suddenly our plan had been torn out from under us all over again. At first, it felt a little bit like failure.

But after a while...After we'd had some time to sit and think and process and consider. After we were discouraged and upset. After all the dust had settled and our torn up plans found their way back down to the ground. Back down to square one. After all of that was over, we finally saw a new plan. Suddenly, right in front of us, was a new destination.

We didn't get what we wanted. But maybe, what we wanted wasn't really what we needed. Maybe someone else saw something different for us. Maybe someone else saw something

BETTER.

dear tiny family.

i love coming home to you at 5 pm every day.

i love the kisses i get from each of you when i walk through the door.

i love our evening strolls, jogs or walks.

i love being at the park with all of you when the sun is setting.

i love turning on the lamps, changing into pj's and watching our shows after the sun has gone down.

i love when we all cuddle in bed together

and i love kicking two of you out of bed when it's finally time to sleep.

thanks for being my tiny, not-legit-because-no-babies-are-involved family.
i hope some day we are a big family. but for now, tiny will do.

a message to my besties.

Jon called me from Europe today. He actually took time out of his once-in-a-lifetime trip and made an international call to his little sister.

And, of course, I missed it because I SUCK at answering my phone, carrying my phone or even remembering that I own a cell phone. That's lame and I'm mad at myself.

Jonny, I doubt you will check my blog while you are away, but if you do, I'm so sorry I missed the call. BFF, BBSFE, BCPF.

(and K, you too).

my mother.

{mom & ry}

gave me her eyes
her laugh
her voice

makes me want to appreciate beauty
the way she does

sings loudly in the car
with the music blasting
and the windows down

loves vacations
adventures
spontaneous weekend getaways

makes everything fun
everything special
prizes under your plate at dinner
and costumes to wear on halloween

reminds me of the back porch swing
eats lunch with me nearly every day
lets me tell her everything
gives the best advice

used to rock me like a baby after a bad day
still would if i asked
makes the "eeek a deeek a deeek" sound
and pinches my cheeks

loves furniture
chips
italian icees

makes home the most magical place in the world

says, "you are special"
"you are loved"
never forgets to kiss you goodbye
or ask about your day

knows just when to call

just what to say

just how to help

exactly how i feel

creative and artistic
charming and kind
silly and beautiful
tender and wise

my safe place
my perfect example
my biggest blessing
my best friend

i love you, mom
i want to be just like you

time.

I'm up late tonight.

I love staying up late. There is something so magical about being awake when every one else is sleeping. You feel like the time you have is completely selfish & private. Completely yours. I just finished watching Bride Wars for the second time and I bawled at the end, just like I did the first time I saw it. I cried the same way I cry when I watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (yes, I just admitted that). I cry because I love my friends. Because I am lucky to have them. Because no matter how much I let them down, or how many times I forget to call back, they still love me when I do. Because I miss them, even though they are near.

It's funny the way time changes things. You swear that you will always be that close, that you will always get together once a week and always make the time. But then life happens and suddenly you're an adult and some days you can barely remember to brush your teeth.

My goal for 2009 is the same one I had in 2008. I just want to

Slow.
Down.

I've always moved too fast. I love to accomplish, to get things done, to make things happen. I am in a hurry 99% of the time and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am always running late. Time slips by quickly and most days, every minute of tomorrow is already packed with plans before today even ends. I can't help but feel like all I really want is more time.

I want more time to catch up with my friends, to call my Grandma and let her talk for an hour, to play fetch with my dogs, to be with my husband. I miss him all day and then, when I'm with him, I always feel like it rushes past me. I talked about all of this with my parents the other day. I sat in their kitchen, with my hands on the cool counter top and cried just like I've done so many times before. The only difference being that now I had a husband standing behind me.

I wish there was more time in life for the ones we love. More time to read and take walks and bake a 5 tiered chocolate cake if you feel like it. Maybe it's just the phase of my life that I'm in, but right now, I dream about afternoon walks and weekends that aren't over in 10 minutes. I dream of slowing down, of freezing everything for a minute. I keep wishing the days, weeks, months & years wouldn't pass me by before I ever really got the chance to enjoy them.

I decided to take the day off tomorrow. I couldn't quite get over the fact that today was Thursday when I was so sure, so POSITIVE my week was nearly over. Call me dramatic, but sometimes one more day of work feels like climbing the tallest mountain. Sometimes it feels impossible. So, when I saw a stack of vacation days at my disposal, I decided to grab one and run with it.

I know that a big part of life is learning how to work. I know that we need to forget about ourselves and be wrapped up in the needs of others. We need to learn to be selfless and self-sacrificing and solid. But, I also believe that everyone deserves their day. Everyone deserves their quiet moment, their private evening spent watching chick flicks and looking at the moon, simply because that's what makes you happy.

I'm starting to believe that if you need more time, you just might have to stop the clock and demand it. There will always be work, there will always be laundry, my house will always be messy because my dogs will always bring treasures in through the dog door while I'm gone. There will always be a to-do list on my fridge the size of Texas and I will probably always crave more time with my husband. None of that is ever going to change.

The only thing I have the power to change is me.
If I want more time, I have to take it.

And I do.

(congratulations if you made it to the end of this post. longest one thus far? i think so.)

tgif. or not.

i thought today was friday.

last night, as we drove home from the real game & i talked to g about our weekend plans, i thought today was friday.

as i got ready for bed and thought about what i would wear the next day, i thought i was choosing a friday outfit.

i bypassed breakfast on my way out the door, because on friday's, we always get a jamba.

i thought it was friday as i happily drove to work in my car. i did wonder, for a moment, why my morning radio show had switched up the normal friday format, but i didn't wonder too hard.

i thought it was friday as i sat down at my desk & turned on my computer.
i thought it was friday as i checked my email
i thought it was friday as i opened my calendar.
i thought it was friday until i saw it.

today is thursday.

and now thursday is no longer my favorite day of the week.

chicken.

pic from our trip to hawaii.
dear hawaii, i miss you.

i've decided i'm a chicken.
and no, mom, it's not just because chicken's are our favorite.
which, they are, but that's beside the point.

i just scrolled through my archived posts & read every one with the word "draft" next to it. it's really quite sad to see what i've decided to leave off of this blog. there are ghost-posts about the first time i met g, my thoughts about my marriage, my struggles, my opinions, my moments; good & bad. i really love to write for a lot of reasons, but mostly i write to remember. to sort things out, to savor the good and let go of the bad. all these silent posts have come from my heart and been genuine, so why haven't i published any of them?

i don't know what i'm so afraid of?

i wish i had the courage to just hit "publish" & brace myself for the criticism, the negative comments, the "this is so boring & you are so cheesy" response from the masses. i really wish i would just go for it.

so my question to you tonight is, what gives you the courage to put yourself out there? to really write about your life? what inspires you to be brave and publish that silly post you wrote that feels dumb and insignificant now, but also felt so true & honest when you were pounding away on the keyboard? the one you wrote because you were crying, or giddy, or nostalgic, or mad, or head over heels in love?

what makes you brave enough to hit "publish"?
tell me, please.

or, are you a chicken, too?

cinco de mayo!

Buenos días, Amigos y Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

¿Cómo va a ser el gasto esta encantadora 5 de mayo? Esposo y yo ambos estarán celebrando con fiestas en el trabajo y luego, posiblemente, un poco de México Fiest cuando llegamos a casa.

Dudo alguien está leyendo esto, pero si lo son, gracias, amigo. Forma de ser. Y gracias por leer mi blog poco tonto. Tú eres mi nueva BFF, pero no le digas a mi viejo, k?

Este es mi mensaje secreto para usted.
Durante & Out.

pom love & mr. jack bauer.

hooray for monday!

i found out today that i won miss marta's pom giveaway. how wonderful! i never win anything.

a beautiful pom kit is coming to live at my house & you can bet i will be finding random reasons to throw parties all summer just so i can use them!

thanks marta! you made my monday.

on another note: happy happy birthday to mr. j bubba olsen, who turned 2 yesterday! woo hoo for the big 2 year old! thanks, j bub, for being my bff for the past two years. thanks for never ever leaving me alone & following me every where i go, even though sometimes you drive me insane. thanks for being so gosh darn photogenic and posing whenever i want to play with my camera. thanks for loving me even when i push you off the bed at 2 am and you fly into my dresser. i really am sorry about that one. we love you, j bub. now quit eating your poop!!!

rain, rain.

please stay all day.

you are making this ordinary saturday morning
quite magical.

me & g.

did this last year.

it was a blast. we tried some cool restaurants we otherwise wouldn't have & finally ate at some of the pricier places in town. i'm even more excited to utilize the deal this time, considering now we live in the heart (sort of) of downtown. oh, and if you only do it once, go to bambara. the food is so amazing (i'm still thinking about the hummus) & it will cost you an arm & a leg to eat there otherwise. and call us if you ever want company...eating out is always better with friends.

okay & this is awesome, too. i totally want to go. i never knew you were so cool, slc.