Friday, October 22, 2010

bad mom?

lately this little pup is making me worry about what kind of mother i will be.

let me explain.

jack is the most sensitive dog currently living. i don't know how we got so lucky/cursed to find such a tender-hearted little creature, but we did...and he is. i have owned dogs and been around dogs my entire life and i have never come across another who even comes close to him.

when i am home jack isn't secure unless he can see me and really, he prefers to be sitting on me, next to me or very close to me. if i go to the bathroom he goes too. if i'm on the computer he is lying at my feet, if i'm doing dishes he is sitting by the kitchen door watching me do them. there is no where to hide in this little home of ours & wherever i go, he will find me. i could go curl up in a ball in some obscure corner of our house and he would sniff me down within seconds, lay by my side and not move a muscle until i did. this is probably the point where most of you think i am exaggerating, but those of you who know him know that it really is that bad.

what makes things even more complicated is the fact that he can't just be near me, he must be looking at me and he prefers eye contact. he stares at me all day long and he takes each sniff, sneeze and eye-roll of mine as a personal insult to him. if i drop something, jack thinks i threw it at him. if i shift my weight on the couch, he automatically thinks i am going to get up and go somewhere and he must get up too RIGHT NOW because surely we have to go TOGETHER! he is off the couch and on the ground before i can even re-adjust...always anticipating my every move nervously.

now here is the part where i worry, because jack is the sweetest little dog who has ever lived and yet, he drives me insane. he makes me wonder if i will be as loving and kind as i hope i will be when i am a mother because all of this attention from my pup makes me want to die. or kill him. one or the other. 

i can't stand it when i'm in my bedroom getting dressed and he has to follow me from my closet to my dresser and back again. i get so irritated by how many times i trip over him because he insists on synchronizing every step of his with mine. sometimes i freak out and yell at him to leave me alone, which only makes him more concerned about me and his stares just get more intense. sometimes i lock him out of the room just to get dressed in peace, but then i see his tiny paw reaching underneath the door and i feel bad and let him in again.

do i sound crazy yet? i feel crazy. whenever i freak out at him for being so obsessed with me i automatically think of the little lady in my tummy and i wonder if it will be different with her. i hope i want her to follow me everywhere and don't get sick of her, but still, i worry. i don't even know why i am writing about this except for you to reassure me that motherhood isn't like that and i'll wish that my baby wanted to be with more, not less.

and if the truth is that motherhood is a lot like life with jack, then warn me now please, because i obviously have some serious issues i need to deal with asap!

ps. i promise i love jack. i just want him to go away sometimes, too.

11 comments:

  1. Haha I completely understand! My shih tzu follows me around everywhere too although it sounds like Jack REALLY really loves his mama! It's one of those things you would miss though if he suddenly stopped doing it so enjoy it when you can and it's fine to be annoyed too. That's family right?

    I don't think you'll have that problem with the baby ;)

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  2. I love love love my boys. You know this. And I love to be close to them. To snuggle them and to have them follow me around copying what I am doing.... but sometimes it drives me a little bit crazy. Everything takes twice as long and I do in fact get tired of tripping over them (not literally... okay well sometimes literally). Sometimes I hide out in the laundry room. Sometimes I need a little break from my babies (I think that's normal. I hope that's normal....). This is part of the reason I do photography. But I do miss them when I've been away from them from any length of time....

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  3. OK, how do I put this gently. You will not want your baby to want to be around you that much. I promise you this. A clingy child is way worse than a clingy dog, because they will pound on the bathroom door and cry even if you're in there for 2 seconds. You'll wish it was just a quiet little paw making its way under the door. And I know this isn't the bad mommy in me coming out, this is just how it is. Everyone needs space - especially good moms. It's not a bad thing to wonder if it's bed time yet at 6:00, or to wait until nap time to eat because you get to just sit. and. eat. in. peace.
    So don't worry, it doesn't mean your a bad dog mommy or a bad human mommy. It means you're human, and a mommy, and a person who needs space. And you're NORMAL.
    As for Jack......I would go insane, and I feel bad for you. Maybe he'll turn his attention to the little misses when she makes her appearance and leave you be for a while :)

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  4. Diddo to kiersti's comments. As you know, Annie is like that and its sweet sometimes and annoying sometimes... its all about your kids' individual personality. I hope Jack gets better when the baby comes, and not worse :)

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  5. Haha kiersti, you are right, I definitely do not want a clingy baby!! That came out wrong. I guess I just hope my attitude and patience with her is better and perhaps I don't need quite as much space when it comes to her. Also I just hope she is indipendant, like her mama and not as crazy as bub.;)

    Thanks for indulging my rant friends!

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  7. After reading my comment I realized some spelling errors which drive me nuts so I deleted and reposted...

    I promise you once she's here and is able to toddle you'll wish you could go pee in peace, and once she walks without fear of toppling you'll wish she wouldn't knock on the door so you can pee in peace, and when she's a teen and bangs on the door asking how she looks before she leaves with her friends you'll wish you could pee in peace, and then when she's gone and you're peeing in peace you'll wish she was there knocking...

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  8. I laughed at the sweet little paw coming under the door. There is no peaceful peeing or showering. None. Brooklyn was a baby she wanted eye contact constantly too. I could walk away and unload the dishwasher but I NEEDED to still be making eye contact. Nutso.

    Kiersti's right. You'll be normal just like you are now. I think that's what makes a mom qualify as crazy. You're driven INSANE and yet you love it at the same time. So weird. Wouldn't trade it for anything, even for sweet sanity.

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  9. somehow I doubt that your relationship with your daughter will be the same as your relationship with Jack. You will love your little girl unconditionally, even if she does decide to follow you into the bathroom. You love Jack even though he annoys you, and I thinks that's admirable. I mean, I know my mom has been annoyed with me at least once (or a million times) in my life, but she still loves me. You are one of the sweetest and most caring people I know, so I wouldn't worry too much about the kind of mother you'll be because you will be loving and amazing.

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  10. That just means that you will be a great mom cause you are already getting that experience and learning to deal with it. It is funny sometimes and annoying sometimes, awe ... fun times.
    ps, I feel the same way about the girls sometimes. He sure is cute though.

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  11. Hmmm...I read all the other comments, and can't REALLY say I agree with any of them. Then again, I once had annoying dog who would just stare at me and follow me everywhere also and it didn't bother me. Then again, I've wanted to be a Mom ever since I could speak and never wanted to work or have a career I just wanted to raise babies for a living so... that may also make a difference. Then again, I don't have clingy babies, if I did- it might be another story. ANYWAY!!! All I can say is, sometimes I wish my kids wanted to be around me more, I cherish the moments Sara (who is a TOTAL Daddy's girl) just wants to sit with me and watch one of her shows. Or when Della reaches out for me. When I was reading your post the whole time I was thinking "Oh Jess, you will NEVER feel this way about your baby girl" but then I read all the comments and thought, maybe I'm the crazy one! Don't get me wrong, there are those days I look forward to nap time, but after an hour or two I'm getting antsy for them to wake up! Let's just say a dog is much MUCH different than a little baby, and I HATE to say it, but once you have her, your dog will probably bother/bug you even more! At least that's what I've heard from a lot of people. And I KNOW you will be the best mom ever and love that little lady more than anything in the world! So, don't worry about that part! Just pray for an angel baby who hardly cries and isn't clingy and you'll be golden! Can't WAIT to see her!!!

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thank you for your shout outs!