lately this little pup is making me worry about what kind of mother i will be.
let me explain.
jack is the most sensitive dog currently living. i don't know how we got so lucky/cursed to find such a tender-hearted little creature, but we did...and he is. i have owned dogs and been around dogs my entire life and i have never come across another who even comes close to him.
when i am home jack isn't secure unless he can see me and really, he prefers to be sitting on me, next to me or very close to me. if i go to the bathroom he goes too. if i'm on the computer he is lying at my feet, if i'm doing dishes he is sitting by the kitchen door watching me do them. there is no where to hide in this little home of ours & wherever i go, he will find me. i could go curl up in a ball in some obscure corner of our house and he would sniff me down within seconds, lay by my side and not move a muscle until i did. this is probably the point where most of you think i am exaggerating, but those of you who know him know that it really is that bad.
what makes things even more complicated is the fact that he can't just be near me, he must be looking at me and he prefers eye contact. he stares at me all day long and he takes each sniff, sneeze and eye-roll of mine as a personal insult to him. if i drop something, jack thinks i threw it at him. if i shift my weight on the couch, he automatically thinks i am going to get up and go somewhere and he must get up too RIGHT NOW because surely we have to go TOGETHER! he is off the couch and on the ground before i can even re-adjust...always anticipating my every move nervously.
now here is the part where i worry, because jack is the sweetest little dog who has ever lived and yet, he drives me insane. he makes me wonder if i will be as loving and kind as i hope i will be when i am a mother because all of this attention from my pup makes me want to die. or kill him. one or the other.
i can't stand it when i'm in my bedroom getting dressed and he has to follow me from my closet to my dresser and back again. i get so irritated by how many times i trip over him because he insists on synchronizing every step of his with mine. sometimes i freak out and yell at him to leave me alone, which only makes him more concerned about me and his stares just get more intense. sometimes i lock him out of the room just to get dressed in peace, but then i see his tiny paw reaching underneath the door and i feel bad and let him in again.
do i sound crazy yet? i feel crazy. whenever i freak out at him for being so obsessed with me i automatically think of the little lady in my tummy and i wonder if it will be different with her. i hope i want her to follow me everywhere and don't get sick of her, but still, i worry. i don't even know why i am writing about this except for you to reassure me that motherhood isn't like that and i'll wish that my baby wanted to be with more, not less.
and if the truth is that motherhood is a lot like life with jack, then warn me now please, because i obviously have some serious issues i need to deal with asap!
ps. i promise i love jack. i just want him to go away sometimes, too.