Today I feel like writing you a letter. You are 10 weeks old! Where has the time gone? Part of me feels like it has all flown by and the other part of me feels like I've known you and loved you forever, which makes sense, because I have. Now that you are here, I simply cannot imagine my life without smiley, giggly, happy, adorable little you.
You are 10 weeks old, but you don't yet weigh 10 pounds (9 pounds 7 ounces last we checked) . You are 10 weeks old and still fit best in things that are labeled "newborn". You sleep 9 hours at night, from 10pm to 7am (bless you!) and you finally love to nurse. You are 10 weeks old and a complete delight.
Your little life is busy and you spend it smiling. You are a happy baby and so easy going and content. I don't like being home all the time, so I have tried hard to continue to go out and do the things that make me happy and I am so grateful that you will go with the flow and let me drag you along. You have gotten used to taking your nap in your carseat, or in your stroller, or at Nana's house, if that's where we are. Although you are flexible, you love your schedule and follow it religiously. If I am even 10 minutes late putting you down for a nap you will surely let me know that "it's nap time!" and you'd like to go to sleep now! You don't like to be rocked or bounced when it's time for bed, you just want to be swaddled and put down and then you will close your little eyes and happily fall asleep, without all the fuss. You remind me so much of your Dad in that way.
Speaking of your Dad...he adores you, but that doesn't surprise us, does it? He calls to check on you every day and tells you he missed you every night. I love what you have done to him, Evie. You have changed him. Suddenly he sings songs and changes diapers and is the guy in the restaurant feeding a baby a bottle. We both knew that parenthood would be hard and require a lot of energy, but I don't think either of us could have anticipated how happy it would make us. You make us want more babies now and could they please all be exactly like you?
I wish I could tell you how much I love you. I don't know how. My Mom used to tell me that I wouldn't understand how she feels about me until I had a baby of my own and now I will say the same thing to you, because it's true.
I don't know how to describe that feeling, so I will say this instead. For a few days last week, you weren't feeling well. We aren't sure why, but for some reason you were throwing up every day. I would nurse you and try to soothe you and sure enough, eventually you would throw up in my hair, down my shirt, all over my outfit, with tears streaming down your face. By the third day I had a mountain of laundry to do and had taken at least 10 showers. Your Dad jokingly told me to stop holding you so much. It would make more sense for me to put you down after feeding you and wait for you to throw up in your chair rather than all over me. It made sense, but it didn't happen. No matter how many times I ended up with puke in my hair, I held you.
Being a Mom feels like that. Regardless of the situation, I want to be the one holding you. If you have to throw up, then I want you to do it in my arms. I want to make you happy, make you feel better. I want to be the one who wipes your tears and makes you smile again. I want to be the one who is cooped up in this little home with you, covered in your spit-up.
I will always be here for you, baby girl. There is no where else for me to be.