do you remember that time six years ago when we finally talked in the parking lot of exit realty? we stood against my car until it started to rain and then we climbed inside of it because we weren't finished yet. you were nervous and you fidgeted with the car vent in front of you as you spoke.
do you remember how i suggested that i would set you up with one of my friends and you turned and looked me right in the eyes and said, "why don't you set me up with you instead?". it was pouring rain all around us as we sat inside my little black jetta and i just knew.
i'll never forget that.
remember the day we got married?
remember how you couldn't find your car in the parking lot after the temple ceremony? i waited for you, in my wedding dress, on the corner of temple square for 45 minutes. do you remember how when you finally found the car in the parking garage and came to get me i was laughing because i was so embarrassed about everyone who had stopped to ask if the poor little abandoned bride was okay.
remember how i thought i could do my own hair and makeup that day (dumb) and then you surprised me by hiring kalai to come and sing to us and i proceeded to ugly cry all of my makeup off and i looked nothing like a bride by the end of the night, but i was just so happy i didn't care.
that night, we went back to our new basement apartment to grab our luggage for the honeymoon and you proceeded to run into our apartment, forget what we were there for, put the keys on the counter and then run back out and lock the door behind you. we were stranded in the driveway with no car keys and no way to get back in on our wedding night. remember how we laughed and laughed in the darkness as we waited for tyler & jennie to come rescue us so we could get our things and head to the hotel?
remember how you never once farted in front of me until we stepped onto the cold tile of our honeymoon suite that first day? remember how i had no idea you knew how to grout a shower or fix a car until our dishwasher broke and you confessed to all of it. the first time i cooked you dinner i tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich in the george forman. we still had so much to learn about one another.
remember when we closed on our first home? we slept in the basement on a mattress on the floor. we played scrabble next to the fireplace and i bought sparkling cider.
remember how we decided to get dogs. sometimes i think that was a really dumb idea, getting those dogs, but then evie goes to sleep and i see them sleeping on the floor next to our bed. i remember how we used to be this little family of 4 and i love them for filling that place inside of me for awhile.
remember the thanksgiving eve we spent eating canned chili and drinking milk by candlelight? remember all the nights i woke you up because i couldn't sleep and all the blessings you gave me on a kitchen chair in our bedroom. remember all the times i dragged you to the park to swing under the stars and all the walks we've taken with just us, the pups, and the setting sun. remember that time when i thought i couldn't get pregnant and i made you promise me over and over again that i could.
remember last night as i rocked our baby before bed, you heard me in there with her and you left your online study group to come stand with us in the darkness before i set her down. "don't you try to put her to bed without me!" you joked, so we stood there, our little family of three, taking turns holding her and smiling at her and kissing her as your class moved on without you.
sometimes, when i can't sleep, i love to remember how i felt about you before i really even knew you. because even then, i could just picture this future with you; the handsome blond with the briefcase who smiled at me from across the office. i could feel that i belonged with you. i could see our memories and our babies and this whole life together.
and now, here we are, five years later.
i remember all of it.