Wednesday, September 14, 2011

the stye.

the past few days have been weird. WEIRD!

first of all, i have a stye in my right eye! and every time i think of the stye in my right eye i think of the poem by shel silverstein that has a line in it that kind of sounds like that and i start obsessively repeating the poem in my head, because i'm a freak and i still have it memorized.

i cannot go to school today! (said little peggy ann mckay).

did you read shel silverstein poems as a child? do you still have them all memorized? do you have any idea what i am talking about right now?! is there a stye in your right eye?!!!

the stye in my right eye appeared the very next day after i purchased new mascara and new eyeliner from the beauty aisle at target. new mascara and new eyeliner, you guys! the good stuff!

and then, the very next morning, i met my new friend, sir stye
and he had appeared overnight
(in my right eye).

and friends, do you know what you will find if you google "stye treatment" on the internet? you will find instructions to apply a warm compress 4x daily, plus some goopy stye stuff before bed, plus no eye makeup whatsoever for like 2 weeks, plus throw away any eye makeup you previously had because your eye makeup is now contaminated with the bacteria that gave you A STYE IN YOUR RIGHT EYE!

that means that my brand new mascara and my brand new eyeliner (only 1 day old those babies were!) now live in the trash. WEIRD!

i've never had a stye in my right eye before, but the husband, oh my, the husband gets them often. the husband is a blepharitis sufferer, you see, (BLEPHARITIS!) and they are prone to such nonsense. the husband is talking me through this process and offering support and treatment suggestions and by golly, we will get through it TOGETHER!

i've been 3 days now without any eye makeup and i'm still all out and about in the big, bad world pretending like i don't look 11 years old and asian. i've been to 2 restaurants, 1 girls night, 1 visiting teaching appointment and 1 puppy play-date completely eye makeup free and sporting my new friend, sir stye. (i have also been sporting red lipstick, though) (to compensate) (right!?) (i don't think it's working)...

 do you see the stye in my right eye?

contributing to all the weirdness of the past few days was the madness that was missoni for target twenty eleven. myself, my stye, my baby and my mother all ventured to target the day the collection was released (in the late, late afternoon mind you) to perhaps secure a zig zag throw for the foot of my bed only to discover that target had up and gone bonkers.

frantic shoppers everywhere! women giving each other the stink eye! people fighting to the death in the isles! 

"they crashed our servers at 12 am!" the frazzled target employee cried. "they've cleaned us out!!!" she muttered, as she timidly walked to the the lonesome rack to restock whatever pathetic merchandise was left as hungry women waited to eat it all up. the whole sight was really quite sad.

realizing there wasn't a throw in sight and not wanting to fist fight anyone to the death for anything else my mother and i made our way to the shoe aisle to happily find a few deliciously understated missoni heels waiting for us. we'd been eyeing the shoes for less than two seconds when the gaggle of crazy missoni-ites appeared behind us hungry and waiting to pounce.

"i have to have them!" one cried as she reached for the last size 7.5 standing, but she wasn't fast enough because before she knew what hit her, the puppies were in my cart and on their way to a new life with me as their mother.

"don't mess with me today!" i hollered back at her as i ran away, "i have a stye in my right eye!!!"

ps. i am laughing over the fact that i just posted a picture of myself doing a "kissy face" on my blog. obviously i have no shame.

6 comments:

  1. hey, i got my bumpers online. i just googled "white crib bumpers". i can't even remember what brand they are. but i like them- they are thick and soft and bright white. i'll try to find out the brand and let you know:)

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  2. I may have just peed my pants a little - this is hilarious! Yes, I have had a stye before (in my right eye) and it was nasty and awful. I swear before it exploded (much like a zit) it was the size of a golf ball. I may or may not be exaggerating.
    I happened to venture to Target yesterday, and there were still crazy women flipping out over items like sticky notes and laptop bags. Really? And I almost made it out with some flats, but then I decided against it, and I will probably have non-buyers remorse for the next few days. But Lo picked out a super cute sweater, so we did feed the madness ourselves, I guess.
    I love Target :)
    And Evie looks darling in her sweater!

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  3. I woke up the other day with a stye on my eye and i'm blaming you. Not really, but they are a bummer. My dad gets them all the time, so I guess I inherited that. Yay. I get a stye about once every couple of months. Sorry about your eye. Hope it gets better soon.

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  4. haha your post made me laugh. I guess I'm not the only person people think is asian when I don't wear make up. haha

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  5. I may or may not have had a stye (in either eye) but I do have a big bubble in my eye (my left eye) Right now it's just small but if it gets big again I'll do a "kissy face" and post that pic on my blog so you can check out the difference and see which you'd rather have, the stye (in your right eye) or the bubble (in your left eye) I think I choose the bubble (but I don't really have a choice, it's there regardless...)
    I'm also feeling slightly underfashionable as I have no idea what missoni is...

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  6. I had a stye just a month ago, it was the weirdest thing, luckily mine only lasted about 3 days. And, I applied makeup, with Q-tips...obviously I was desperate! And Sick is my favorite ever Shel Silverstein poem and yes, I may have it memorized!

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thank you for your shout outs!