Monday, November 14, 2011

a glorious case of the pukes.

warning: this post mentions vomit and other pleasant things. viewer discretion is advised!

sick face/sick hairs/having an okay time regardless
 g & i have been married for over 5 years and in the course of those years, he has taken no more than 5 sick days. that's not to say the guy doesn't get sick, he's just dedicated. he's gone to the office with all sorts of physical ailments and done his sick business in plenty of office bathrooms (TMI??) where's he's then shined his shoes, straightened his tie and GOTTEN ON WITH HIS DAY.

that's not to say i haven't tried to get him to take a few sick days here and there, because believe me, i have tried. there are few things more exciting than that moment in the morning where you realize your spouse is too sick to go to work and holy cow, HE'S GOING TO STAY HOME? WITH ME?!

suddenly my mind spins out of control with ideas...RED BOX! CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP! BACK RUBS! A NAP! however, usually my sick-day fantasies are a little bit less like that and a little more like....VOMIT! EVERYTHING SMELLS TERRIBLE! HUSBAND IS LOGGING INTO WORK AGAIN! FOX NEWS!

in all these years, i have never been able to perfect the art of a perfect sick day or convince him to really play the part (life is so unfair sometimes)...which is why i am here today to tell you that i have finally figured it out, because today was a sick day for the books.

it all started last night, in the middle of the night, when i suddenly found myself nauseous. after laying in bed for far too long thinking "am i going to throw up?"... "i'm pretty sure i'm going to throw up??"...i finally made my way to the bathroom and while i crouched over the toilet (TMI?) the only thing i could think was "this is what it feels like to be pregnant! i remember!" and "gosh, do i seriously ever want to be pregnant again?" (YES.)

it was a long night filled with horrifying visions of what the next day might have in store for me, because now i'm a mama and i don't get to take a sick day and what if i throw up on my baby? or something!

eventually i got some sleep and when i woke up an hour later than usual the next morning and realized i hadn't yet gotten evie out of bed i rushed out of the bedroom in a panic to see that my husband was home! feeding her! and he wanted me to go back to bed until i felt better and did i need anything at all because he took a SICK DAY so i could rest!!

say whaaaaa?

after that he:
  • cleaned the kitchen
  • did the dishes
  • made me breakfast
  • fed/changed/played with the baby
  • took charge of my hydration levels
  • moved all the furniture in my living room in order to
  • sweep and mop the areas that never get swept or mopped
  • and cleaned my bathroom
and i:
  • stayed in bed
  • blogged on his laptop
  • watched movies
  • slept
  • requested more diet coke
  • enjoyed every minute of it

in other words, this is the answer, you guys. apparently husband's won't take sick days if they themselves are the ones who are ill, but go ahead and puke your guts out in the middle of the night and suddenly they are all too happy to stay home and let you be the star vegetable of the day.

i plan to get sick more often, is all i'm saying.

and in case you need a visual, i'd like to close with this:




riiiggghhhtt??

3 comments:

  1. Oh, Jess I'm sorry you have been sick :( Greg stayed home?! That is awesome, and so sweet of him. Glad you enjoyed your sick day???? :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. cute boy. That is what husbands are for. I hope you feel better soon! I want to see you!

    ReplyDelete

thank you for your shout outs!