Tuesday, January 31, 2012

a party.

we waited until g returned from dubai to have evie's birthday party this past saturday (even though i threatened and teased him many times about having it on her actual birthday while he was away) and we also decided to have it at my parents house, since we wanted to invite more than 2 people.

i had a lot of fun planning and throwing the party & it turned out perfectly without too much fuss or stress. i know a lot of people think it's lame to throw a party for a baby, but that's just too bad, because i loved it. evie loved it too. until i offered her some birthday cake, that is, and then she was pissed. moms can be so rude sometimes, right?!

oh, what's that? you want to see 100 more pictures? mmmkay.

i loved how this simple doilie banner turned out.

i made this vanilla bean cake with vanilla buttercream frosting. i made the teensy little mistake of asking g to frost in-between the layers and there wasn't quite enough frosting as a result (g doesn't like frosting at all, so it made sense that he didn't put much on there). it needed quite a bit more because the cake was huge and dense, but i still thought it was delicious. i'll definitely make it again.
 opening her presents.

(also, i feel the need to say that she had a cardigan on that was shed before any photos were taken. i am aware that it's winter. okaythanks.)

new clothes, new books, new toys, new movies! her favorite gift had to be her new dolly. she screamed when she saw it and immediately wanted to hold it. she loves all things baby and has had a dolly since she was 11 months old, which seems strange to me, since i always thought that was more of a toddler thing. but she loves her dolls. she pats them, holds them, kisses them, sleeps with them and can't own enough of them.

 look at all of her little girlfriends! how lucky is she!? holls, we were sad you guys were in mexico- briggs & beau would have loved all the laaddiees.

cake time.

the part we didn't catch on camera was her diva-attack when she threw her cake on the floor (before the tears, obviously). no worries, evs. it's your party you can j-lo if you want to.

thanks to everyone who came and helped us celebrate our best year ever.

aaaanddd to cap off this evie's first birthday celebration on the blog, i just want to list a few deets & then i promise i'm done.

evie, at one:
  • you are only fifteen pounds! other than your weight, your measurements are very average. this month you had to have your iron levels tested and sure enough, you are anemic. i never doubted that you would be (i am anemic too). you are now taking iron supplements 3x a day-hopefully that helps you hang on to your weight a little bit better.
  • you are a mama's girl. you are in that phase where you sometimes don't want me to set you down. you love to be right in my lap. even if we are sitting side by side, you will crawl in my lap or tug on my clothes, which is your way of telling me to hold you.
  • you are stubborn! so, so stubborn. you are becoming really opinionated and losing your easy-going personality. where you used to just eat whatever, do whatever, enjoy whatever, now you know what you want & you want us to know what you want.
  • you love to be read to and look at books. you still love mickey mouse clubhouse. you are starting to enjoy movies a little bit. your favorite, so far, is finding nemo. if i'm cooking i can usually get you to watch for 10 or 15 minutes before you are crawling in the kitchen after me or going for the dog food or heading into the bathroom.
  • you are very particular and very smart. you remind me so much of your dad.
  • you still wont let me do a thing to your hair. not a thing. not even on your birthday. i used to get away with pigtails, but you've figured those out, too. like i said before, you are very particular and too smart to not notice when i am trying to distract you while i hurry and do your hair.
  • you say "mama", "dada" and "baba" really consistently. every now and then i can get you to say "hi", "nana" or "okay". you bark like a dog if we ask you what a doggie says.
  • speaking of dogs, you are still obsessed with them. you think everything you see (horse, lamb, goat, cat, fish) must bark like a dog. on your birthday i took you to a huge pet store that had some cool aquariums (you love fish) and you barked like a dog at them the whole time we were there.
  • you sing with me when i sing to you and sometimes i hear you singing along with the radio in the car. it is so so sweet.
  • you LOVE blueberries, oranges, strawberries, greek yogurt, carrots, cheese and babas. you don't like peanut butter, crackers, juice or whole milk. you gag when you think something is gross.
  • you LOVE the bath.
  • you HATE to have your diaper changed.
  • you still sleep really well at night and nap really well during the day.
  • you are sweet as pie and love to be held and snuggled and rocked.
  • you still suck your thumb.
  • you still make my world a much happier place.
  • you are still the best.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

month twelve. // year one.

the day you were born was a friday.
january 21, 2011.

it had been a cold winter, filled with snow and grey skies and bowls of steamy soup in my hospital bed. i woke up early that morning to curl my hair and paint my nails-soft pink. my heart pulsed in my chest as i applied mascara and glossed my lips and tried to distract myself from feeling afraid.

but, i was.
i was afraid.

i had been told to prepare myself for any outcome. perhaps you'd go straight to the nicu. perhaps you'd require ventilation and breathing assistance. perhaps you'd be tiny and weak and sick when you came into this world. maybe it would hurt. maybe the pain of watching you struggle would crash down on my chest and leave me breathless.

i'd never done this before. the pregnancy, the bed-rest, the complications, the weekly ultrasounds, the hospitalization, the early delivery. all of it, brand-new. and me, your mother. the one who was supposed to protect you, to care for you, to take all of this heartache and mold it carefully into your very first story; beautiful and sad.

i rubbed my swollen belly and breathed in and out purposefully as i waited.

soon, they came to get me from room 201. i was taken to labor and delivery, a place i'd been a few times already on days when my doctors were concerned for you. i was grateful to know that this time my stay would end with a baby. this time, i knew what we would be doing here. no overnight stress-tests and endless vials of blood to be sucked from my bruised arms. this time i was here to have my baby.

they went over all of the instructions and i signed all the forms. it was early in the morning and the hospital was quiet and still. soon, your grandparents showed up; nana, papa and grandma olsen. they filed in one-by-one with smiles on their faces. your dad was dressed in scrubs with a shower cap over his head. he smiled nervously and fidgeted with the camera in his hands. while everyone else busied themselves around me, i layed in that hospital bed and watched you on the monitor. despite the lack of fluid and the dismal circumstances, you still seemed to be thriving in there. your heart pulsed and swayed and sang out like the fluttering wings of a butterfly. it skipped and jumped and raced powerfully to the top of your acceleration and then, as always, it slid back down, soft and gentle. a steady, humming, beat, beat, beat.

this was your song. the one you sang to me each morning.
i felt like i knew you so well already.

you were delivered that morning, via c-section. we went through all the standard motions. my old iv was taken out and a new one was put in in its place. the needles didn't hurt me at all anymore, but they would leave scars and reminders all over my hands and arms--reminders of what it took to bring you here. when it was finally time to meet you, i walked with the doctors to the operating room and leaned into dr. voss as i received my spinal block. almost instantly my body began to grow still and warm, numb from the neck down. i laid back down on the table and your dad was brought in to be with me.

a c-section is a lovely way to have a baby, really. i felt no pain and only glorious bursts of pressure, instead. the doctors made small-talk about the weather and their children's names and which stitch to use on which incision. your dad watched them over the curtain, fascinated and enthralled by the medical miracle he was witnessing. hardly anyone spoke to me at all--each of them swallowed up in the precision of their own task. and i was lost in my own world, in my own head. i seemed to be watching all of it happening around me, while not really feeling present in any of it, at all.

soon, the doctor's voice jilted me from my haze. we would meet you soon, he told me, get ready. and so i asked your dad to look at me, to stop watching the procedure and walk with me through that moment, instead. he turned away from the curtain and looked right at me. he held my hands and kissed my forehead and we smiled at one another. finally, i closed my eyes and felt one last surge of deep pressure and adrenaline.

and then, you were here.


when i think back on this year we've shared together i can still see you in all your versions.

you, as a one-year old. tiny and curious with wild blonde hair sticking straight up and a mouth full of teeth. scurrying around the living room and barking at the doggies and throwing cheerios from the shopping cart as we make our way through the store. smiling at strangers and leaving fat, warm tears on my shoulder and saying "mama" and "dadda" and "baba" and "hi".

you, as a six month old. with fluffy wisps of hair and a bow on your head. toppling over when i try to sit you up and falling asleep in my arms and nursing quietly in the living room, cuddled perfectly against my body. you with rice cereal in your hair and size-1 diapers on your tiny bum and a bit of separation-anxiety. like a little sack of flour on my hip at all times.

you, as a one month old. with the gummy grins and those preemie onesies and the tiniest fingers and toes. waking me in the night and following my gaze with your own and sleeping on my chest in afternoon sunlight. i remember the skin-to-skin and spending the entire day just nursing and the way your whole body fit underneath my neck, just so.

and then there's you, seconds old. crying and wailing with the angriest little look on your face. you with your fingers and toes curled tightly against your fleshy, pink body. you with the matted head of hair and the eyes shut tight as you protested your early delivery. you looking so familiar to me, as if i had known you all along. of course this was my baby. of course this is what you looked like.

you were so so beautiful.

and then there are the memories i'm most grateful for. you, surprising everyone. you, being wheeled straight to those doctors and then straight back to me, healthy and perfect and all mine. you breathing and eating and coming home with me, finally. where we belonged.

you, five pounds fifteen ounces, eighteen inches long.
with the kitten-soft cries and the clenching fists and that intoxicating scent of life, just starting.

you, changing everything.
you, making all of it worth it.

it had been you all along.

happy first year, my sweetest girl. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

a new year.

i hereby declare twenty twelve to be the year in which i grow up.

i mean, here we are, january the 19th (i had to think really hard to come up with that date) and already i have conquered one of my biggest fears. and what have you done with your january, i ask!

it all started when plans began to emerge for g's most recent school trip to dubai of all places. the last time he traveled for school (without his girls by his side-london!) was back in august when he went to shanghai, china. and look, i'm not proud of it, but i FLED to my parents house a good 2 hours after i dropped him off at the airport. suddenly it was like the house i live in all the time, every day, was terrifying. the sun began to set and the light began to change and everything was eerie. those windows? scary. that wind? scary. the man who lives in the wooded mess that is my backyard? scary! (that man may or may not exist and is actually a cat, but just keep listening to my story will you?)

2011 was not the right year for me to grow up, and so, despite my independence and my stubbornness and the glory that is my DVR, to my childhood bedroom i fled.

this time around i wanted it to be different. i am, after all, 24 stinking years old, not to mention, someones MOTHER! so i decided to stay. for at least most of the 11 days he'd be gone. the man in my backyard be damned!

i spent the entire first day pep-talking myself and randomly texting people for reassurance. my motto for the afternoon was "i'm totally not going to get murdered tonight!"and isn't that just lovely? when it came time for bed i said my prayers (a few of them actually) and kissed my baby and hugged my pups and turned on my most trusted friend in the whole world, the food network.

before you judge me, let me just explain why the food network is your replacement husband when sleeping home alone with a defenseless baby to protect. the food network believes that the world is a safe and beautiful place. the food network never talks about the horrid things that are happening in your neighborhood these days (get off my television cable news!) and the food network, does not, under any circumstances, AIR THAT EXORCISM MOVIE PREVIEW. so help me! (one glimpse of that darn exorcism preview and i promise you i would have been done for.)

the food network is my partner in sleeping crime. (and also, i have this thing for bobby flay but that's not to be discussed.)

let's take a brief intermission for a glass of water and some eviegrams. check those lashes!

after a while (an hour? two? seven?) i miraculously fell asleep and when i awoke the next morning, i felt like shouting hallelujah to the heavens!! no nightmares! no waking up at 3am and doing that "i'm so scared i'm frozen" thing. no shenanigans whatsoever! it was a christmas miracle, indeed (and on a more serious note, an answer to sincere prayer).

since that night, my fear of sleeping alone has diminished and diminished until it's almost disappeared altogether. my family wanted me to come spend at least a few nights at their home before g returned, so i finally packed evie up on wednesday and headed south to stay with them, but i managed to put SIX NIGHTS of single sleeping under my belt first. and you might laugh, but for me, this is HUGE.

it feels good to look my fear in the face and say suck it. maybe my fear was irrational and immature (probably my fear was irrational and immature) but i still had to face it, head on, in order to remind myself that i can do things that scare me.

and thus, i give you, 

1. i will read my scriptures every stinking day of this new year, because apparently spiritual growth scares me big time.

2. i will celebrate all that comes with being a wife and a mother and i will let go of negative distractions that prevent me from being all i can be in this role. i will cook healthy dinners as often as i can (no more pasta and salad every night! scary!). i will stay on top of our laundry piles and i will lovingly continue to pick my husbands shoes up off the floor, even though he is more than capable of doing so. (bless his heart.)

3. i will write about my life and my experiences (whether on this blog or elsewhere) without fear of judgement. i will trust in myself more. i will finish projects i have started and i will stop second guessing myself and by abilities. 2012 is the year in which i stop wondering what anyone else is thinking.

4. i will keep a budget and stay on top of our savings goals. BUDGETS! TERRIFYING!!

5. i will step outside my comfort zone when given the opportunity. i will say "yes, we would love to!" more often. i will make new friends and be better to the ones i already have. i will put myself out there. i will invite YOU to go to lunch and i will host a few gosh darn dinner parties already!

6. i will maybe, possibly, hopefully enjoy another pregnancy (not pregnant) even though my last one was physically and emotionally and entirely TERRIFYING.

7. i will continue to try to take good pictures (even though i'm no photographer), because i love it. i will continue to express my creativity on this blog (even though it's kind of a joke), because i love it. i will listen to justin bieber on pandora while cleaning my house, because i love it. i will go back to yoga class, even though i am afraid of looking rusty. i will compile our photos into an album. i will finish evie's baby book. i will give kisses on the mouth and say i love you and thank you daily.

8. i will not cut my my hair. in case you were wondering.

bring it, 2012. i'm ready.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

young forever.

evie will be one this saturday.

even just writing that sentence makes a lump form in my throat and tears well up in my eyes. i don't know why it feels so BITTERsweet to me, but it does. this past year has been straight up magic. it's been what i have dreamed about my entire life. it's been everything i wanted and more. i wish i could do it all again. i wish i could remember every moment. i wish i could bottle it all up and keep it for a while.

when i think back about everything we've been through this past year, what i feel most of all is happy. because really, we've had the best time. there have been hard moments and sleepless nights and everything that comes along with learning to care for a baby, but most of all, there has been laughter, smiles, kisses, raspberries on the tummy, tickles on the feet and endless amounts of joy.

evie is pure sunshine and she has filled my whole world up with her light. she is such a special little soul and i am so lucky to be her mama.

i wanted to make a few videos to remember this past year and i finally got the first one done. this one is more for g & i (since the song isn't even kid appropriate...nice, jess!) because when i watch it and remember all of these moments i just smile from ear to ear.

evs, thanks for making this past year the best of my life.
here's to staying young forever (or at least for a little while).

Monday, January 16, 2012

the block of the bloggers.

so...i have the bloggers block. 

i want to blog, i have time to blog (evie is currently on hour 3 of today's afternoon nap) but every time i try to blog, i stare at a blank screen for fifteen minutes scratching my head and just end up distracted by photo booth, instead.

i could tell you about g off in dubai, but every time i talk to him it's either 1am or 5am where he is and i'm seriously not getting much out of him at those times. it's a whole lot of trying not to fall asleep and secretly studying while pretending to skype with me. but HE DID RIDE A CAMEL in the desert the other day, so there's that.

i could tell you how i'm totally owning this single mom thing at home, but really it's just a whole lot of occupying ourselves with random errands and chick flicks and the mall, and also we went to the natural history museum the other day, which was rad.

i could tell you that i introduced evie to scrambled eggs, and next week she can have a dab of peanut butter and i really need to plan her first birthday party, but i just can't seem to find the motivation. i am obviously not one of those moms who spends months preparing homemade decorations and printing off festive new labels to tape to the water bottles we'll be serving that say "it's evie's first birthday party! HAVE A WATER!". i could pretend to be that person, but really, it's just not me.

i could tell you that i'm lonely. but, also that i'm doing alright. i could tell you that every time we do this separation thing i realize more and more that the main role g fills in my life (besides husband, baby-daddy, toilet-scrubber, money-maker & egg-scrambler) is friend. he is my best friend. and i always feel a little less like myself when he's not around.

i could tell you all of those things, but really, who want's to hear about any of it?? (not me)
bloggers block, you guys. throw me a bone and tell me what to blog about will you?

please and thank you.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

i would blog more often but my computer makes me want to rip my eyeballs out.

How do you like that title, friends! That title is true. The word over here at the Olsen household is that we have used up 99.9999999% of our computer's storage (gigs, ram? brain power?) which causes it to run slower than your wheelchaired grandma and makes me swear and cry and threaten to throw it out the window the moment I sit down to use it because I don't have any patience left in my body.

So I'm typing this on the iPad. Which isn't as easy as it sounds. (but if I had tried to type that last paragraph on my computer I would have typed the entire thing and then stared at an empty screen for 10 minutes before the actual words appeared. FUN!)

So I apologize for the boring nature of my blog, but I am without my blogging utensils. (this is the part where some generous soul offers to buy me an iMac and I accept! I ACCEPT, YOU GENEROUS SOUL!)

In case you're curious, here's what I've been up to this week! (I've been up to a whole lot of nonsense...)

. Preparing g money for his upcoming trip to Dubai. Which he leaves for tomorrow. As in 24 hours from now. I am so depressed about it I've taken a vow of silence. Seriously. I cant talk about it. I have nothing to say.

. Watching all of the republican debates with my own personal political junkie and totally loving mitt. I know. I can't help it. I'm a fan.

. Turning to g during said debates and insisting "you know who would make a really good president?? Me!" to which he responded "you would make a terrible president, Jess" and WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?!

. Dealing with credit card fraud as in some loser got my credit card number and started eating out a lot in random states I've never been to. Punk.

. Thinking we lost G's credit card when he couldn't find it in his wallet. Panicking because he needs it to travel. Calling CC company in a hurry to cancel card and overnight a new one.

. FINDING G's credit card 10 seconds after hanging up the phone. In the pocket of his hoodie. So awesome.

. Shopping and returning and shopping some more. I think I have returned every Christmas gift I bought for myself at this point (with christmas money from others) and I blame my poor shopping skills entirely on the baby in my stroller, if you must know. I have no time to think or try it on or THINK and I end up just throwing crap over my arm and buying it and then I get home and it sucks. Lather, rinse, repeat...I do my best shopping ALONE it seems.

. Wishing I had a good book to read and Ryan Gosling to keep me company while G's away. I don't know, maybe you could help me with one (OR BOTH) of those wishes?

Please and thank you.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

how to cook dinner with no hands.

evie is currently cutting FOUR STINKING TEETH. at one time. and one of them is a front tooth (the other front tooth is already in) and boy do i feel sorry for her. and for me. but mostly, for me.

i mean her.

when these teeth all show themselves she will have EIGHT STINKING TEETH in her mouth and now doesn't that just seem wrong? she is the size of 6 month old (barely) and i worry that her teeny tiny little body won't know what to do with all of those teeth. i mean, i could feed her a pbj if i wanted to (she could seriously bite and chew it) and when she smiles, it's not gummy in the slightest. she has all these teeth in that baby mouth of hers and i have to brush them. it's weird.

when evie isn't teething she's a peach. happy, independent, content, made up of rainbows and sprinkles and sunshine.

when evie is teething the storm clouds roll in over the valley and suddenly it's all drama all the time. where she is typically happy to play by herself, teething evie wants me right there, right beside her, the entire time. where she usually sleeps 12 hours at night, teething evie wakes up at least once or twice and just wants mama to hold her for an hour or so while she goes on and on about how much she hates to teeth (i'm with ya, sister!). where normal evie usually allows me cook dinner while she jumps in the bouncer, teething evie is like HOLD ME! NOW! AND DON'T YOU GET IT I AM TEETHING!!!!

in case you can't imagine teething evie, here is a visual:

teething evie has been staying with us for over a month now, and gosh that teething evie is so much fun! sassy, too!

as a result of all of this, my dinners have been suffering. the husband has been working really late this month, so it's just me and teething evie when 6pm rolls around and i seriously need at least 4 more arms.

the other day i had planned to make pioneer woman's penne a la betsy (a favorite of mine) which is actually a very simple pasta to make, except it requires the deveining of shrimp (wherein you rip the shrimp's veins from their fleshy little bodies one at a time) which can be a bit tedious and time consuming and might cause a mother to say to herself as she cuts open those little suckers while her baby cries and tugs on her pant leg "what the hell am i doing?!"

needless to say, i had to re-think my dinner ideas. which is where blessed pinterest comes in, because i am certain i got the idea from there (except i cannot find a specific pin) and last night, i kid you not, i cooked dinner with no hands.

first i dispersed some refrigerated biscuits onto a baking sheet really quickly while still holding teething evie on my hip. next, i sprayed a muffin tin and filled each slot with 2 slices of ham, a little pat of butter, one cracked egg and plenty of s&p.

i threw the biscuits and the eggs into the oven for 15 minutes during which time all mothers were free to hold their babies and no one was mad at me!

5 minutes before the timer went off, i threw a slice of cheese on top of each egg and then hurried and picked teething evie back up of the ground before she freaked her freak, and as she got started on our dinner, i even found the time to blend together a little berry+greek yogurt smoothie for dessert.

teething evie channeling her old self and loving our dinner

i have to tell you, people, the whole dinner was just simple and delicious (and the leftovers went to work with g disguised as breakfast). and my husband totally liked it better than the penne a la betsy from the night before, which blows my mind, but whatever. guys are weird.

this was definitely not the worlds most impressive dinner, but you try cooking anything with teething evie around, IT IS NOT EASY!

ps. before you say it, yes i know you can buy shrimp already deveined. sweet g bought them for me and he thought that they were

pps. teething evie is up from her nap and i don't have time to edit, so yes, you probably found at least 25 typos.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

i believe.

today i decided to write a credo. so, without further adieu i give you..
my little and very serious credo!

. i believe that every woman fully deserves: a really amazing (and expensive) concealer, a killer pair of perfectly fitted jeans, a signature scent, a diet coke at 3pm (if she wants one) and a date night.

. i believe that black goes with brown. that leather goes with lace. I believe you should wear what makes you happy and i believe you can totally pull that off.

. i believe in rearranging furniture as a form of therapy.

. i believe that nothing is more beautiful than confidence. i believe in the power of being kind to yourself. i do not believe in hateful self-talk and the body bashing so many woman do. i am not perfect, but you won't hear it from me. i love my body and i believe in accentuating the good.

. i believe that you can be a wonderful mother and still want alone time.

. i believe that an episode of grey's anatomy can get you through even the worst kind of sadness. i do, i do!

. i believe that phones, ipods and ipads do not belong in or anywhere near bathrooms. say it with me now! the bathroom is a NO PHONE ZONE!

. i believe that i will never stop being the person who is always late and always clumsy and always dropping her electronic devices in the bathtub. i believe that's okay.

. i believe in apples with peanut butter. and greek yogurt with honey. and vanilla ice cream with strawberry jam.

. i believe in saying i'm sorry. in getting over yourself. in realizing when you are wrong.

. i believe in one little spoonful of ice cream any time you feel the need. i do not believe in depriving yourself, but i do believe in portion control. hence, just one spoonful never hurt anyone. i do not believe in "all or nothing". (i once read that victoria beckham hasn't had a cookie in something like 10 years and really, how sad for her. a cookie once a year (or once a month even) really won't ruin your life, posh.)

. i believe that really horribly scary movie previews should be banned on most tv channels. i believe that they scare the hell out of me when i am home alone watching the bachelor at 9pm. i believe i never asked for that!

. i believe in being nice to your waitress even if the food is bad and i believe that i never could have married someone who isn't.

. i believe in being silly. i believe in playing. i believe in living room dance parties.

. i believe that j bubba will never stop eating his poop no matter how many times i google ways to stop him.

. i believe that it's perfectly fine to turn on an episode of mickey mouse clubhouse in the mornings and kind of half-sleep while half-watching evie.

. i believe that nothing good happens before 8am. nothing!

. i believe that things work out. i believe that sadness comes and goes. i believe that trials are necessary even though they suck.

. i believe in singing loudly in the car. i believe in driving with the windows down. i believe in a big gulp from 7-11 to accompany you.

. i believe that kids should be allowed to stay up until midnight on new years eve. and i believe they should be able to have a sleepover and make a really messy art project in the kitchen. i believe some parents need to chhhhhillll out.

. i believe in hugs. oh my gosh, i believe in hugs. i believe that i will never stop needing a hug from my mother and i believe that boys should learn to say "i love you".

. i believe in a really healthy breakfast and a good session of yoga.

. i believe in oprah! so much, do i believe in oprah!!

. i believe in sunshine. i believe that if you are feeling down you probably really need to just open your windows and let some sunshine into your home. and if that doesn't work, i believe you need to count your blessings and/or take a shower.

. i believe that husbands deserved to be kissed goodbye in the morning, but i do not believe in getting out of bed to do so.

. i believe you should sleep in if you want to! and if you can! and really, though, why not?

. i believe in laughing gas and an ipod at the dentist.

. i believe in taking pictures.

. i believe that telling my daughter i think she is beautiful will not make her any less intelligent (really, people?). i believe she needs to hear that from me. i believe it is my responsibility to brag about her, and adore her and teach her to love herself.

. i believe in actually swimming in the pool and getting your hair nice and wet and never just sitting on the side.

. i believe in doing things that scare you.

. i believe that life goes on.

what about you? what do you believe?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

dear brown leather boots.

the time has come. i've been in denial for months, but it seems i can avoid it no longer. when i pulled you out of the closet the other day and saw your sole split from your body, leaving a gaping hole, i knew it was time to let you go.

i want to thank you for all the beautiful memories we've shared. we've been to california, washington dc, maryland, virginia, nevada and england together, to name just a few places. do you remember all those trips when people would tell me to pack "comfortable sneakers" (??!!) and i would nod and smile and go home and pack only you, my most comfortable and trusted little soul sisters.

i'm sorry you have to die. i'm sorry i wore you longer than i should have. i'm sorry for all the times i stepped in toby's poops out the front door, that must have been awful for you. i love you, you sexy little friends.


ps. your replacements are more expensive than you were and they also aren't as comfortable, so there.

*pardon my worst typos ever in this post. Mom brain. Swear.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

best year ever.

Here's to 2011. My happiest year thus far. I am so sad to see it go...

In January, I was on bed rest at the hospital watching a lot of Greys and eating a lot of turkey sandwiches and crying a lot of tears. January was a hard, hard month for me. But soon enough Evie Jane was born and happily, she was healthy, and at the end of January we all went home together. Hallefreakingluiah!!

In February I learned how to be a mother, how to nurse, how to get up multiple times per night and sing little lullabies and clip little nails and I fell in love with my new life. I took Evs for her first little walk and finally ventured out of the house and we had a pretty rad Valentines Day. February was good.

In March baby Ella was born and Evs gained a homie for life. In March we also blessed our sweet baby, celebrated my 24th birthday and Evie had her first little photo shoot. She also started smiling and laughing and sleeping all the way through the night, bless her heart.

In April we welcomed Spring, caught baby's first little laughs on camera and celebrated Easter Sundee with the family. During this month I spent a lot of time taking Evs on little adventures and getting both of us dressed up for an afternoon at Target and I wrote a letter to my life (which is kind of weird).

In May I introduced Evie to the pool, hit up a few summer festivals downtown, celebrated my first Mama's day and made a list of ten things for your Monday. I also wrote this post in May which still makes me a little teary eyed and emotional when I read it.

In June Jon & Meg got married! I started and stopped a little photo challenge and we discovered that the Gateway is the best place to take an afternoon walk which led to an adventure in shopping. In June we celebrated G's first Fathers Day and Evie charmed Mitt Romney and I really liked this post Evie wrote for the blog.

In July baby Jackson was born! I started painting again and we took a little getaway to Park City with the family and celebrated the 4th of July and a few reasons to really love that husband of mine.

In August G took a not so little trip to China and I survived 2 weeks without him by distracting myself with family, friends and a lot of really dumb movies he would never watch. I spent a few weeks at my parents home and took a whole bunch of photos of the house I grew up in. August was also the month my blog broke.

In September the leaves started to change and I celebrated the return of my fall wardrobe! G and I celebrated 5 happy years as man and coolest wife. We took Evs to the zoo, tried to take the doctor's suggestions to feed her solids seriously and I wrote a few musings about the Avenues, my Grandma and the end of summer. In September I also got a stye, in my right eye, and not to mention, a ROOT CANAL!!

Hello!! In October we went to freaking London!!! We met the Queen and rode in the cutest taxis and spent two amazing weeks abroad. In October we survived 20 hours of travel with a baby and she learned to clap and I compiled a list of must-do fall festivities. In October the G-man also turned the big bad 32 and we went on our favorite date ever and Evie was a ladybug for Halloween. I really loved October. Like, a lot.

In November we gave thanks and cut down a Christmas tree and got a glorious case of the pukes. Evs was sick a lot in November, so it ended up being a quiet month spent mostly at home in pajamas. In November it also became far too apparent to me that I was losing a baby and gaining a toddler and I started to mourn the loss of my newborn and wish to do it all again.

In December I still felt that way. But also Santa Claus came and we had ourselves a wonderful holiday and Evie and Ella put on a little show. In December we went to dance recitals and Christmas tree festivals and Evie somehow cut a bazillion new teeth. December was full of family and treats and trips to the mall and reminders of what a blessed little life I am leading.

So, yes. I loved 2011. Loved every delicious little moment. It's hard to imagine a better year, but that's the good thing, right? Things just keep evolving and changing and if we have the right perspective, things just keep getting better, too.

cheers to twenty twelve!
I'm excited to see what you have in store for this little fam. So far we have trips to Dubai (g), New Delhi (g), Russia (all of us), North Carolina (all of us) and Newport (all of us) on the agenda. I have a feeling this year will be full of adventure.