Thursday, July 19, 2012

twenty weeks.

I will admit, the shock of finding out I am carrying twins has yet to lift. Throughout the day my thoughts range anywhere from excited to terrified to overjoyed and back to terrified again. I think I am most worried about the logistics of it all. I can't wrap my head around actually caring for THREE BABIES at the same time (Yes, Evie will almost be two when they come, but let's get real, almost two is pretty much still a baby).

Every time I do anything with Evie I wonder if we will ever do it again after the twins arrive. We go to lunch and I think "never again". We wander through Target and I imagine how I could fit 2 car seats in the shopping cart plus wrangle a 1 year old? Even walks through the neighborhood seem pretty unlikely unless Evie is up for walking next to my double stroller the entire time (and Evie isn't even walking yet. Like, at all.)

Ev comes to me during the day and clutches my leg, reaching up for me to hold her and I think "What will I do when I have 3 little people reaching up for me? Who will I pick up first? Who will I hold and kiss and calm as the other two cry? And how will I ever decide?"

As with most things in life, I know it does me no good to wonder about any of this. It is impossible for me to imagine how I will navigate my new life when I haven't even caught a glimpse of it yet. I have to keep reminding myself that I will figure it out when I get there. By the time I have 3 little people all reaching up to be held I will be a completely different person with a completely different set of  mothering skills and I will have learned how to love them all at once.

At least that's what I hope. That's what I'm clinging to. For now.

In other news, want to see something really hilarious??

pregnant with Evie at 20 weeks / pregnant with the twins at 20 weeks

This makes me laugh. 
 
Hahahahahaha ha ha ha. HA.

Also, cry.

7 comments:

  1. i think you're the best. i can't wait to see these twiiins! and you at 20 weeks this time around is the best. same with your laughing and crying. i'll cry with you, okay? miss our friendship (that's no longer virtual, right?).

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  2. you are going to be amazing. those twins are so lucky to have you as a mother

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  3. I think you'll be surprised at how quickly Evie will grow up once the twins arrive. I noticed it with M when A came along and with A when E arrived. There's something about being "the big sister" that will make her grow up (in a good way) and she's going to be your best helper ever!! I can see her holding one of the babies on her lap and patting him/her or holding a bottle while you change or feed the other one. You will do great!!

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  4. Good thing to cling to my love. :) I love the stripes on top and then the stripes on bottom. And your SUPER happy face. Hahaha! But check out that hair huh? Those pre-natals are working beautifully!
    I talked to my BIL about you and your newfound situation. He took a big deep breath for you and kind of giggled a bit. And then he said, "It's like having triplets, nope it's harder than that because one of them is a wild card, doing as they please. But we are so happy. All of us are, I think. Really happy." And when I think of their family that's the first word that comes to my mind too. They're pretty much forced to think of nothing else and it has been amazing for them. Also, I may have a crib for you by that point if you're interested?

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  5. I don't know the first thing about being a mother or raising twins, but I know you're going to be one hell of a mom! Just want you to know that I've been thinking of you!

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  6. oh man! congrats! I had no idea until I came to your blog today. I think that somehow it just works itself out. I worried that alot with having two boys about two years apart and I couldn't get my head around everything...I just take it day by day as best I can and it somehow works itself out.

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thank you for your shout outs!