Tuesday, January 22, 2013

you, at two.

Ev, I promise your hair looked perfect 5 seconds prior. You have a way of messing it up that is just unbelievable. It's a talent of yours, really.

To my Evie Janey, Evie baby, Evie girl, Boo-boo,

YOU ARE TWO! Here is a glimpse into little blonde, blue-eyed (with so much green/brown in one eye you almost have two different colored ones), tall, skinny, funny, happy little two year old YOU.
As a two year old you are BUSY. As a two year old you EXHAUST me! By the time your Dad gets home I can hardly see straight or think clearly, because all I can see or hear is YOU! You are LOUD! You are VIBRANT! You are EVERYWHERE! You are bursting with enthusiasm and joy and so much life. How I love, love, love that about you! Never lose your zest for life, sweet girl. Never lose your sparkle. You light up everything and everyone around you. You just SHINE.

As a two year old you are defiant. You don't like to hear "no". You give me a dirty look when I say it to you and you like to push the boundaries and attempt the behavior a few more times just to be sure I don't like it.  You find it interesting when you aren't supposed to do something, but that doesn't mean you aren't going to do it. I am ushering you out of my makeup drawer and away from the toilet (you like to dip your toys in it!) and out of my bedroom closet (etc, etc, etc) all day long. You love to surprise me. You love to be silly. You LOVE to sneak into the babies room when they are sleeping and run around in a circle in between their cribs loudly yelling "SHHHH, SHHHH, SHHHHH!!!!" until one of them inevitably wakes up. You can be a STINKER! You can be difficult. You are SO MUCH FUN.

As a two year old you are still a feather, but you are finally chunking up in a way that is noticeable. You always eat your breakfast, you usually eat your lunch and you rarely eat your dinner. You love blueberries and pita chips and ham and eggs. You eat your vegetables without complaint and have been known to want bites of my salad. You like yogurt with granola and pasta with red sauce and you LOVE Norwegian pancakes made by your Dad. Breakfast is the best time of day to load you up with the good stuff--you'll gladly have an omelet or a pancake, a waffle, some toast, fruit, bacon, orange juice-- you like it all and then it is pretty much down hill from there! You throw everything on the floor the second you're finished. And I mean the SECOND.

As a two year old you are adjusting to life as a big sister. And that's just the best way to describe it. It's an adjustment. I know it is hard for you to go from being an only child (and being doted on and obsessed over as only an only child is) to 1 of 3 children overnight. But you are handling it and I am so proud of you. Some moments you seem excited about your little siblings and you want to kiss them and pat them and point out their eyes and ears and noses and other moments are just jealousy. You have a hard time when I am feeding them. It lasts too long and you feel left out and will often sulk or act out during the process (your favorite is to throw something because it gets you immediate attention, albeit negative, you know I hate it.) I can't tell you how my heart breaks in these moments when I can tell you feel lost. I know you just want me--my adoration and love and full attention--and I feel so bad that I can't give it to you right then. I promise I am trying my best. I promise you we will figure this thing out. I am still yours heart and soul, girlfriend. Nobody loves you like I do.

As a two year old you are a TALKER! But not quite English yet. Lots and lots of gibberish with plenty of real words mixed in. You can repeat almost any word I say to you, but you aren't using these words to communicate in a way that makes sense just yet. Your vocabulary has taken a back seat to your walking these past few months (YOU FINALLY WALK- SING PRAISES!!) but you are still crazy excited to communicate and full of expression and tonality and hilarity. You never stop talking. Never, ever. Seriously, sweetheart, sometimes it would be nice if you would stop talking.

As a two year old you do things your own way. For the longest time everyone was worried about your walking. I took you to the physical therapist and I let them diagnose you and examine you and say this and that about you and meanwhile my heart always told me the same thing, "she will do it when she's ready". You just weren't ready. And then, one day, you just stood up and walked. It was as if you just decided it was time and now you were going to walk and what's the big deal (it happened the night before I had the twins, for the record). And now you walk. Now you RUN. You do things your own way. You march to the beat of your own drum. You have taught me so much about motherhood in the process. I learned to trust my gut and my intuition, because in my heart I knew it wasn't about your feet or your shoes or anything but YOU and your own belief in yourself. I knew you would get there in your own time, in your own way, and you did.

As a two year old you are fun! You are so happy and silly and man are you CUTE! You love Mickey and Minnie, baby dolls, books and any stuffed animal. You pat your babies backs and shush them to sleep. You read to yourself, pointing at the pictures and making up narratives and turning the pages like a little teacher. You love to watch movies, especially Tangled and Rio, and you dance like a maniac and sing "hey! hey! hey!" during the songs. You love to make movies with Mommy (I have a million videos of you just being a ham for the camera) and listen to music and wrestle and be tickled on the floor. You come and pat me playfully when you want me to tease you or chase you or play with you. You yell "MOOOOMMMMYYYYY!!" the second you wake up in the morning and cannot wait to start the day. You like play dough and Doc Mcstuffins and you'll still cuddle with me in the afternoons. You sleep with a ratty old piece of fabric known as your "sleep sack" and you still suck your thumb like a little lover and your eyelashes are longer than mine and you're just DARLING.

As a two year old I cannot imagine you being any cuter. I cannot imagine you being more fun or vibrant or funny or full of life. Mostly I just cannot imagine life without you.

You light up everything you touch, little one. You radiate sunshine and joy and you have made these past two years the best. Thank you for all of it, Evie Jane. We couldn't love you more. I'm telling you, sister, YOU ARE IT.


Monday, January 7, 2013

will & nora: month two.

they linked arms like this all on their own, i swear. i have a witness!

If you get annoyed with Mothers who are obsessed with their children LOOK AWAY NOW because I am the most annoying Mom you'll ever meet. When I found out I was having twins at that 20 week ultrasound the emotion that I felt the strongest was FEAR. I was scared. So, so scared. I couldn't imagine it being fun. I couldn't imagine feeling anything but stress. And those feelings were irrational and magnified by shock, but I have to say that caring for these sweet little twins of mine has been a much happier experience than I expected it to be. It has been a pleasant surprise.

Don't get me wrong here. It is HARD. Some days I am certain I won't survive another hour. Some days I want to bang my head against the wall a few hundred times. It is so hard, so stressful, very monotonous, and very exhausting, but man oh man, DO I LOVE THEM.

And that's the thing I almost wasn't expecting. Although I knew that I would love them (of course I would!), when I found out there would be two of them I worried that the stress might trump the adoration. I worried the stress would overcome me and make it hard for me to feel anything else. And I am so lucky to say that's not the case. I am so happy to say that the love trumps the stress times a million. Their needs never end, I rarely sit down, the feedings are never-ending and I am so, so tired, but I also feel so lucky. I can't believe they are mine. I can't believe how much my heart has stretched to make room for them. I can't believe how cute they are, how sweet, how soft and tiny and precious and perfect.

I don't want this time to go too quickly. Because right now they are everything to this little family and more. This time we're having--this phase of life spent doing nothing but loving them and feeding them and wiping their tiny bums--It is impossibly tiring and so insane and one of the greatest challenges I've ever known.

It is also straight up MAGIC.

2 months old.