Friday, February 8, 2013

will & nora: month three.

Dear mister Will and darling Nora,

You will be 3 months old next week! When your big sister was a baby I had all the time in the world, it seemed, to write her poems and love letters and novels about her babyhood, but you, my little loves, get bullet points. Please don't take this personally. It's just that I have 3.4 minutes until Evie is up from her nap and you guys need to be fed again and this diet coke won't stay fizzy forever, so...

YOU! AT 2 and a half MONTHS!


  • You have a calm spirit about you and a content little heart. You don't cry unless you have gas and the minute your gas is gone, your smile returns. You are happy and sweet and easy to take care of.
  • You sleep anywhere from 7-9 hours at night! Thank you for that! Between you and Nora you always wake up first.
  • You have the worst skin, but your dad takes care of it really diligently (I think he feels bad, you got it from him) and we are starting to see it improve. Daddy covers you in our special skin concoction every night like its his job. For what it's worth, having his skin won't be all bad, your Dad also never had acne, so...
  • You are a great little eater and putting on weight really fast. You have a big, round belly and chubby little thighs. You eat 4 ounces of moms milk every 3 hours.
  • You got circumcised a few weeks ago, at age 2 months and holy cow, I am sorry about that. You, of course, will never remember it, but as for me it is burned on my skull forever. You sweet little boy, I'm glad it's over.
  • You belch and fart all day long and then smile like a proud little man. You are ALL BOY.
  • You get stressed out when you're laying too close to Nora. She, on the other hand, loves to snuggle with you. I can tell that she loves you so much and it's the sweetest.
  • You are trying really hard to suck your thumb and end up sucking your hands all the time.
  • You are grumbly!! The loudest breather in the world, with a bit of strider still. 
  • You hate it when I eat eggs and will cry and cry until they're out of my system and yours. Needless to say, once I figured that one out, I said goodbye to them altogether. When you were born you had a sensitive little tummy and spit up a lot, but you are improving every day.
  • You look nothing like me and everything like your Dad, you lucky little boy. He can't wait to teach you to play soccer and snowmobile and he hopes you'll talk politics with him someday, too. Thanks for coming into the world and giving him a son.
Will, you are the cutest. THE CUTEST! You have the sweetest little round head and the brightest eyes and your head is now covered in the most gorgeous, thick hair. When you smile at me I melt into a puddle on the floor. Seriously. Your dad has to come and wipe me all up, because I am oozing with adoration for my little Will. I never expected to fall so hard for a baby boy the way I have fallen for you. But now, I get it. We have something special, you and me. I love you, William. To the moon.


  • You are the perfect combination of feisty and sweet. When you are happy you have the cutest smile on planet earth, and when you are hungry or mad you are REALLY hungry and mad. You cry the second you want to be fed and you don't like to be put off by even a minute.
  • Your skin is like silk, the complete opposite of William. I love to rub your soft cheeks against mine and stroke your little hands. Like silk, I'm telling you!
  • You have the sweetest expressions and you smile in your sleep. Your eyes are big and round and always curious.
  • You love to lay under your mobile and look up at the toys. You smile and wiggle and kick your legs happily.
  • You are STRONG. You already want to put weight on your little legs and stand up in my lap for minutes at a time. You can hold your head up now, too.
  • You are either a great little eater, or an awful one. If we try to feed you before you are ready you just kind of lick the bottle and smile at us. You usually eat 3 ounces every 4 hours. You almost never burp.
  • You love your brother. You love to be with him and cuddle him. You are such s little cuddle bug.
  • You are such a good sleeper, just like Evie was. You sleep anywhere between 7-9 hours and you would probably sleep a bit longer, but I wake you up in the morning to eat when William eats. You have been sleeping through the night for a few weeks already.
Sweetest Nora, I love you! You will always be my special little miracle baby, the one who taught me so much about how to love and have faith and be the mother I need to be. I am so proud of my little Nora. You are so strong and feisty and BRAVE. Having you overcome NEC and come back home with us completed our family in every way. We were empty without our Nora. We missed you so, so much. Every day I have you here with me I feel so lucky you are mine and lucky to be your mama. You have been special, right from the start and I know you will continue to do great things with your life. I love you so.

Happy 2.5 months my sweethearts!


Monday, February 4, 2013

some moments.

some moments are so bad i want to cry.

but i don't. at least not often. and it's not because i'm brave or wonderful, but mostly because i am heartless. okay, not really. but also, kind of? i have developed this ability to sort of numb myself to outside stimuli and just carry on. two babies screaming plus one toddler trying to climb up my leg to be held?? first, binkies. then swaddle, soothers, white noise. pick up the toddler, turn on a movie, set her on your lap and stroke her hair until her breathing steadies and her body softens. the instructions come like marching orders and i move quickly and efficiently in my little palace of babies. i do as i am told.

some moments are so good i think i might burst.

like the mornings, when the world is soft and hazy and the babies slept through the night, again. i wake up before the sun rises and pump them their first bottles. unwrap their hot bodies and raise them, like limp fish, to my chest. they nuzzle and squirm and bring their tiny fists to their mouths to suck. i serve them up warm milk and stroke their fuzzy heads softly. i whisper and tickle and they coo in return. we smile at one another, under the glow of lamplight, the rest of the world still sleeping.

some moments i'm sure i can't do it.

in those moments, my fingers move at lighting speed sending off SOS messages and swear words of desperation to my husband or my mother on the other end. this is impossible! i write, there are too many of them! i say. but eventually the world stops spinning and little eyes close and i find a moment to look out the window and notice the shimmer of the snow in sunlight. evie is napping and nora is napping and will has decided to steal a moment with mama, all to himself. his big belly buldges from his little pants and his wide eyes follow mine pensively and i know, like i have always known, that he was made for me.

and that's the thing i feel strongest when my body collapses and my head hits the pillow at night. i mean, sometimes i'm sure i suck at this. some days evie won't eat a thing and nora is restless and i've had enough diet coke to charge a cell phone, and still these little people look at me like i'm the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky. i am covered in spit up and i haven't had a shower for days and yet, when i hold them, i can feel that i was meant for this.

i am doing it, even if i'm not always doing it well.

i mean shoot, you guys.
it's kind of wonderful. 

*a few of these pictures are from instagram where i insta the crap out of my life as @jessmolsen if you'd like to follow along.