bump watch.

here i am at almost 36 weeks posing for posterity in my lovely hospital bathroom! i haven't taken a picture of my belly since this whole debacle began, so today i decided i would find the time in my busy busy schedule to get it done. despite the hardships of my current situation, i still love being pregnant and i need to be better about documenting the good things, like no sickness, very few aches, and a ginormous belly that gets in my way and reminds me that i really am bringing a person into this world. i feel huge, but i really can't complain-i want this baby to get as big as possible considering the fact that she is coming out oh so very very soon. plus, i bet you didn't think it was possible to carry a baby that high. well, now you know!

still cooking.

i know i should be happy about that & i am, but i'm also losing it. for the first 3 weeks all of the nurses told me every day that i was the favorite patient- the one with the best attitude, who was handling things and keeping my cool and still cracking jokes and not crying hysterically every day.

well that lasted 20+ days and now i am officially no longer that person. the crying and freaking out has begun & i don't know how much more i can take. baby is scheduled to be delivered a few days short of 37 weeks & i swear if they try to push it back (again) i might hurt someone. i can take another week or so of this & i can take no more.

i'm happy for baby girl that she is doing so well, but she better ready herself for the big bad world, because there is no way in hell i can do this for much longer. sorry for the bummer post, friends, but everyone has their breaking point & i've officially reached mine. as always, thank you for your thoughts & prayers and i apologize for the poor mood. the good news is today is friday, which means my little family (g+pups) will spend the weekend here with me and i won't have to eat hospital food for a few days and that makes everything more bearable.

ps. baby weighs over 5 pounds this week-she has put on a half a pound each week i've been here! in other news, she is now sucking her entire hand rather than just her thumb. go right ahead, little one, if you can get all 5 fingers in there then why the hell not?

pps. sorry for the usage of two semi-swear words in this post. just keeping it real, folks.

becoming.

If anyone had told me 8 months ago that I would spend the last month of this pregnancy in the hospital, I would have laughed. This pregnancy was so easy once upon a time. I wasn't sick, wasn't uncomfortable, wasn't moody and everything was easy...until it wasn't anymore. Which is, I've learned, the way life typically goes.

The first 2 trimesters were pure bliss; filled with excitement, baby clothes, a list of names on the fridge and watching and documenting my belly growth.

The last trimester has been anything but. I don't want to say it has been hell, it hasn't been, but this certainly isn't where I thought I would be this holiday season. I have a closet full of maternity clothes and dresses I am not wearing and a nursery at home that doesn't contain one piece of furniture and is littered with bags and boxes of unopened, unorganized baby gifts.

Most girls dream of spending the last trimester dressing their big bellies as fashionably as possible, enjoying no more morning sickness and best of all, planning and decorating a nursery. I always dreamed about the nursery.

And yet, I am not home, my nursery is non-existent and I don't think I've taken a belly shot in over a month. I wear sweatpants or leggings every day and I consider it a big deal if I put on mascara. My hands and arms are covered in scabs and bruises from IV's and blood draws that never seem to end and my stomach is red and irritated from the constant gelling and wiping and monitoring we do. I try to be patient with the lazy nurses who don't bother to read my chart before they come into my room and then proceed to make me explain who I am, why I'm here and what they need to do as if I am the expert and not them. I say thank you and give away the treats I get to the good nurses who do bother and I spend a lot of time dreaming about going on a date with my husband again someday.

Despite everything I complain about and hate, the best part about every day is still baby. We know each other so well by now. I know her typical sleep/wake patterns, resting heart rate, and can read her NST's with no problem. In my mind she is very much a little person already, complete with a name and a story. I can't spend this long consumed by someone and not know her name. So I keep it a secret and whisper it to her in the dark after everyone has left and she kicks me in response and I know this will all be worth it.

Someday I'll tell her this story. Someday I'll tell her how much she was loved before she even came to earth. I'll tell her that lying in a hospital bed for weeks and weeks was worth every smile and giggle and snuggle she gives me. I'll tell her that I would have done more, done anything, for her. I'll tell her that she made me into a mother, even before I officially was one. She is teaching me about unconditional love and sacrifice, about caring for those around you, no matter what the cost. About being more Christ-like and selfless. This is her gift to me.

She has made me into a mother. This experience has made me into a mother.

And that makes it worth it.

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our little love.

unfortunately, in the past few weeks we've had a little complication arise in my pregnancy. it isn't anything too alarming as of now, but it needs to be monitored closely until our baby girl arrives. it has been a roller-coaster of emotions for me over the past few weeks as i've been trying to deal with this new aspect of my pregnancy that i never expected. i obviously wish there was absolutely nothing to worry about, but at the same time i am grateful that our baby is healthy and i know things could be much much worse.

 anyways, now that i am reaching the end of the pregnancy it means that i am being monitored very closely with non-stress tests and ultrasounds twice a week. so far, little lady passes her non-stress tests with flying colors and always makes the nurses smile and laugh when she gets the hiccups while hooked up to the fetal heart monitor and we all get to hear them. it also means i get to see her and check on her all the time. i feel like i already know her so well. i know that her tiny hands will always be covering her face when it comes time for an ultrasound and that she puts on the best show if i sneak a cookie for her right before. it also means that my fridge looks like this:

 and that isn't even all of the pictures we have of her. there are more in our bedroom and even more in our office. she continues to grow and change every week and we continue to look forward to her safe arrival (hopefully not too soon!)

so far, she is doing just fine and my issue (low amniotic fluid) doesn't seem to be bothering her, but if you would like to include her in your prayers, i certainly won't stop you. ;)

popped.

i remember when i was newly pregnant and not showing, everyone always told me that there would come a time when i would just "pop". this past month, i found out what they were talking about, as evidenced by my belly growth in just a few weeks. it's nice to finally look obviously pregnant instead of just overly full.

these last few weeks of pregnancy have been more stressful than the first 6 months, but i'm still feeling really good overall. i feel lucky that i'm not dealing with any sickness or aches and pains and i'm even sleeping really well again, which is so wonderful.

i'm 28 weeks along as of today and just happy and grateful that our little lady is still cooking, kicking and hiccuping up a storm. we are completely in love with her already. here's to the last trimester of this pregnancy!

the view.

i've noticed that i've taken a lot of these types of pictures over the last few months. it's amusing to watch my belly slowly swallow my feet as this tummy grows. and yes, this angle does make my bump look a lot larger than it is in person, but let it be known-the little lady & i are doing some serious growing over here.

bump watch.

I am officially half-way through my pregnancy! This post is mostly for my dear friends who have requested to see a picture of my growing belly, but I also thought I would record a little bit about the first half of my pregnancy for my sake. I have loved being pregnant and feel really lucky to say that I most days I don't feel pregnant at all. Here are some little tid bits about my pregnancy thus far...

• As of 20 weeks, I have gained about 5 lbs. (this is for Holls who claimed that I hadn't gained a pound. Yes, I have!)
• I seriously don't have any pregnancy cravings (not even pickles or ice cream ;) and very few aversions (I don't love meat, but I didn't love meat before either so I have a hard time saying this is really a pregnancy thing). In the first trimester I couldn't eat yogurt, but I have started eating it again with no problems.
• I hate taking my vitamins.
• My hair is getting thicker & thicker and I cannot keep up with my nail growth. Since I hate long nails, it drives me a bit crazy.
• I have a hard time sleeping already and spend a lot of time trying to sleep on my left side.
• I have been taking a picture of my belly and writing a letter to my baby girl every week. I notice my pregnancy hormones the most when I do this, because I cry every single time.
• I can feel her squirming and moving periodically throughout the day, but I am definitely not feeling every single kick yet. G has only felt her a few times and can't wait until he gets to feel everything I can.
• My biggest pregnancy discomforts are heartburn, round ligament pain, periodic dizziness and my crappy digestive system!
• When those things are bothering me, I don't feel pregnant at all.
• My favorite part about being pregnant is being pregnant with G's baby. He is so in love with her already it kills me.
• We have no idea what we will call her!

The first few months seemed to go very quickly but now I am feeling like life has paused. I have no idea how I will wait until February to meet this little one. It feels like an eternity!

slingin' it.

i bought a baby sling this weekend at swiss days (hooray!). when i brought it home to show g he was a little confused as to how it works & what we would use it for. i tried just explaining it, but quickly realized i needed a prop. the lady i bought it from used a baby doll, but since we were fresh out of those i grabbed the next best thing, little 7 pound toblerone.

he was quite happy chilling out in the sling. he may or may not have stayed in there long after the demonstration was over. don't judge him.

what now?

the time is quickly approaching when i will no longer be able to fit into most of my jeans. even though i can technically still button them up i have a feeling that won't last much longer. and since they are no longer comfortable in any way, shape or form, this week has been spent wearing only leggings and my one pair of bdg legging jeans.

the other day i gave in and ordered a few pairs of maternity leggings from forever21 and my first pair of legit pregnant jeans, but i kind of have no idea what i am doing as far as maternity garb is concerned. if any of you have any suggestions as to where to shop & what to buy, please do share!

we are having a...

last thursday evening, g & i slipped away to fetal fotos to check on our little babe & perhaps find out what we were having. neither one of us could stop laughing all throughout the ultrasound as we watched our little one kick, squirm and suck it's tiny thumb. we were instantly in love.

when it came time to check between the legs, we closed our eyes & didn't let the ultrasound tech tell us anything about what she was seeing. after the appointment, we had her seal the gender pictures in a separate envelope & then write "boy" or "girl" on a sheet of paper and seal that away as well. we drove straight to a local bakery and asked them to bake us a cake that would tell us what we were having by using either blue or pink frosting on the inside. we handed over the envelope and left, giddy with anticipation.

the next 24 hours were brutal as i paced around my house with that sealed envelope of the gender pictures and thought about opening it 100 million times. i promised g i wouldn't, though, so i didn't (he was shocked) and on friday night we celebrated with a little party with our families to cut the cake and find out what we we're having....

this is what g & i did while we waited for everyone to arrive 

(looked for cracks & signs of blue or pink frosting!)...

we bought blue & pink plates and had everyone cast their vote by choosing a plate. i have always thought this little nugget was a girl & g originally chose girl as well, but switched to boy at the last second 

(to rival me, of course)...

 and pretty much everyone else voted for boy. this is a picture of me yelling out "you are all wrong! it's a girl!"

 and then we cut the cake....

and guess what....

 the frosting was pink!

bump watch.

17 weeks along today & feeling amazing!
i don't think i have ever been this happy.

fool for fall.

it's been raining on and off all day & i couldn't be more pleased. nothing makes me happier than the sound of rain on my roof or thunder overhead. i am officially sick of summer. i want fall. i miss my fall wardrobe more than i care to admit. i'm ready for hot chocolate and falling leaves and pumpkin cheesecake. i'm ready for crisp weather and the holidays.

i want halloween & thanksgiving & christmas & new years and then...i really want this baby. 

hurry up cold weather!

the pregnant post.

thanks for your nice comments dears. i love them. in fact, i love them so much that this morning after i threw up my breakfast i came back into the office just to read some of them again. and then i brushed my teeth and felt good as new.

i decided to write a little pregnancy post to answer your questions & then i promise i'll get back to blogging about everything else that's going on. 

you wanted to know how i'm feeling. i feel wonderful, but i barf a lot. that pretty much sums it up. i don't feel nauseous, queasy or sick (that only lasted for about 1 week) but my gag reflex is superb and i throw up several times a week without warning. the good part is i don't feel sick before or after so i pretty much just brush my teeth and go on with my day...no big deal. i was more tired than i knew humanly possible at the beginning, but now the night owl has returned and it's business as usual.

for the most part, i feel really wonderful. i feel happy and fulfilled and if all i have to deal with is a little gagging here & there i will happily have 200 more babies. we are blissfully happy & cannot wait to meet this little one. g has been the perfect caretaker so far. he he is kind and caring and willing to help however he can. he didn't complain once during the first 9 weeks when i couldn't even stand to enter my kitchen let alone cook something. he has been my perfect supporter and i adore him now more than ever (but lets not talk about it anymore, because my pregnancy hormones make me a tad bit emotional and i will cry if we continue).

all is well. thanks again for all of the support, we love all of you. xoxo.

guess what!

we decided it's about time we started having some blonde babies of our own...

meet the first 

february 4, 2011