big gulps, huh?

question.

if you happened to be at the gas station at 12:42am last night and witnessed one pajama-clad woman wander in and purchase one enormously large mug you would assume the following...

a. she really loves diet coke. like, a lot. and this mug is the only mug large enough to fufill her middle-of-the-night diet coke craving.
b. she just found a turtle and needs somewhere to put it.
c. she has lost her marbles.
d. her freezer mysteriously stopped working in the middle of the night and she doesn't want all the precious breast milk she has stored to thaw, but she doesn't even own a cooler (who doesn't own a cooler?!) and the grocery store is closed, so this giant mug full of ice and bags of frozen breast milk is the only thing she can think of.
e. whatever the problem is, her husband obviously wouldn't help her.
f. all of the above

if you answered f, you might be right, except i didn't actually find a turtle (but i do love myself a diet coke before bed) and i don't think i've lost my marbles. at least not yet.

but yes! the freezer stopped working and g man was sleeping (and seriously not that concerned about the whole situation when i woke him, in case you are wondering) and i did MY BEST, okay?! i mean, i was concerned because of THE BREAST MILK! THE PRECIOUS BREAST MILK! the breast milk that i use every now & then when my baby needs a bottle at church and i'm wearing a dress that doesn't allow for nursing and just think about all that time spent making extra breast milk on top of the breast milk i have to make anyways, and DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS?!

we don't own a cooler (who doesn't own a cooler?!) and the grocery store wasn't open and when i wandered into the gas station as a last ditch effort my tired, tired heart whispered to my brain "just buy the freakishly huge mug already and never look back!".

and so, that is what i did.

of course, i returned home around 1am only to find that my freezer was working again and all was well in breast milk land and i was really really tired when i woke up this morning.

and now, a final question.

what the HELL am i going to do with this thing!!!?

i am pleased about the number of times this post says the word "breast". also "milk". hello brothers!!!

ps. name that movie.

teeth.

teeth!

teeth have been the theme of this week so far, and let me just say, teeth have been seriously stressing the girls in this household out. 

first, little evs decided it was time to cut a tooth. we were excited when we saw it peeking it's way through the other day, but sad when girlfriend woke up shrieking a few times that night as a result. we administered the tylenol and sang a few lullabies and let her comfort-nurse her little heart out and then BAM!!! a tooth appeared right before our very eyes!

after the little sucker emerged, we figured the worst of it was over, but found out we were wrong when we had to ditch bachelor pad/bbq time with the fam the next night in order to flee for home as tooth numero 2 set it's sights on the big, bad world. i could practically hear that tooth making it's way through her gums as we drove home in the darkness and listened to our little lady shriek.

teeth!!

if you think that's where it ends, you are wrong, because GUESS WHO GOT A ROOT CANAL, LIKE, 8 HOURS AGO! here's a hint, it wasn't evie and it wasn't g.

that's right, i went in to have a tooth that's been hurting me looked at this morning with the knowledge that maybe, possibly, perhaps i might need an itty bitty little root canal, and then, BAM! before i even knew what was happening-ROOT CANAL HAPPENING RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT OPEN YOUR MOUTH WIIIDDDEEE!

i mean, really, one minute the endodontist was introducing himself and mentioning that we would "just take a little look" and the next he is squirting ice cold water in the teeth crevices of my problem area (WORSE THAN AN EPIDURAL!!) and hooking me up to laughing gas and shoving needles into the ROOF OF MY MOUTH and drilling giant holes into the center of my brain while i slowly shriveled up and died an agonizing death.

sort of.

i seriously want to tell you, in detail, what it feels like to have a hole the size of the grand canyon drilled in your tooth and the nerves ripped out one by one, but i tried to tell g over the phone this afternoon and he told me he was starting to feel nauseous and promptly hung up.

you guys, we are in serious PAIN over here! evs and i already decided to spend the entire day tomorrow administering tylenol to one another, taking warm baths, watching girl movies and eating the cookies you will surely drop off on our doorstep after reading this post.

teeth!

*on a side note, i know i had a root canal and everything, but can we still be friends?! i swear i've only had a few cavities in my lifetime and am very diligent about my dental care (anyone who knows me knows i am slightly obsessed and in love with my dentist...do you want his number?!?) and apparently this shiz just happens sometimes. apparently? whatever. it didn't make me feel any better.

a letter to friday (that's right!).

well hello there, friday. i thought you'd never come. while i have your attention, i have a few things i need to get off my chest.

first of all, i would just like to inform you that life has made very little sense to me this week. seriously, friday, i'm baffled.

first, my husband came home. which was wonderful and made me feel giddy and nervous and in love. except, he's not really home. you know? he's here, but holy hell is that man busy. works likes a slave, studies like a grad student, sleeps like a baby, has no time for us anymore. and i'm not complaining, because i signed up for this. i encouraged him and rooted him on and told him he should do it. and i realize this will pay off for us when he is finished, but wow, single parenting is not for wimps! i was seriously not prepared for the exhaustion being a grad-student's wife, and therefore, a widow, entails (and this is only week one!). do you hear me, friday? single parenting! NOT. FOR. WIMPS. don't try it.

and then there's the sleep thing. i can't sleep. which doesn't make any sense because i'm back in my own bed now, sleeping on my deliciously cold silky white sheets. and that husband of mine is next to me, once again, shoving his ice-cold toes all up in my bed-space (as per usual) and all should be right with the world, except it's not, because i'm exhausted and yet, i'm awake. you know?!

also, there's the blog. holy mother effer, friday, THE BLOG. i realize it is no big deal to you. i realize you think i am dramatic (we've discussed this-i am), but this whole blog-losing-all-it's-pictures crap has stressed me out to no end. it's like someone came and ripped all the photos out of the photo album that i've spent the last 4 years compiling and i really want my photo album back in order! can't you just make that happen for me?!

having the blog so broken feels like i'm living in a house that's a mess all the time. it's like i have a huge class project or test looming in the future and absolutely no time to study for it. it's like KIM KARDASHIAN NEVER EVEN GOT MARRIED (because i haven't even had time to google it!)

so, friday, all the stress has led me here, to the computer, and to you. for now, i have g's super expensive headphones on and the music is turned up real loud and i'm shaking my head to the beat and dancing a little in my chair and feeling very small underneath the twinkle of the night sky in my house made of glass.

be good to me, friday. please be good to me.

yes, technically this is posted on thursday, but's it's 11:34pm, so don't stress yourself out too bad.

*for everyone who is seeing pictures, you have to dive into my archives to see what i am talking about. i've already restored 2011 and 2010. two more YEARS to go.

today i...

moved one of my plants from my kitchen to my dresser in hopes that this would force me to open the blinds in my bedroom each morning after i wake up

this way, my beloved 2 yr old plant will get her sunlight
and in turn, i will be discouraged from taking a nap every single afternoon after classes are over (i mean, who can sleep with the blinds open in a sunny, hot bedroom?)

because every afternoon at about this time, by body starts chanting "nap, nap, nap, nap"
and i look into my dark bedroom with the blinds closed and it is really tempting to oblige (i know, my life is really hard).

hopefully this trick and my love & devotion for my plant will keep me from napping.
so far it isn't working.

just my luck.

early yesterday morning, i took the hardest midterm of my existence in my statistics class.
so last night, i decided i wouldn't be attending stats today & would sleep in, in celebration of the test being over, instead.

enter yard landscapers next door who arrived bright & early to begin pounding the concrete (or something hard, i'm not sure) with some sort of hammer over and over and over again right outside my bedroom window.

the banging began just as my class would have, so i'm up just as early & with a headache too.
should have just gone to class, i guess.
stupid workers.

i need a time-out.

if i could rewind and re-live the last 72 hours i would change the following:

1. i would not feed the wrong meter at school, so i didn't return to a ticket, while the car next to me got to mooch off of my .75
2. i would not put my foot in my mouth and say something that i completely regret to someone i love.
3.  i would not forget to check the washing machine before shoving my laundry inside and pouring in bleach so i didn't accidentally bleach ryan's backpack, which was still inside (although they claim it looks the same. so kind of them!)
4. i would not drop my bare minerals makeup and spill it all over my bathroom floor (and it turn, waste it all)
5. i would not lose the receipt for a $100 return i needed to make at anthropologie.
6. i would not completely forget to study for my fcs test.
7. and more than anything, i would not walk to the sink with my brand new ipod touch in my hand and accidentally drop it right into a bowl of water, while trying to do too many things at once. therefore, ruining my ipod (that i've had for only 2 months!) and pissing off g who was sweet enough to buy it for me for my birthday.
8. also, i wouldn't say/scream all the things i did when i did when #7 occurred.

i'm considering locking myself in my bedroom for the next few days, in order to avoid all the other catastrophes i might cause this weekend, because apparently i'm on a mission to make my life as difficult as possible.

also, if anyone wants to give me a new ipod touch or loan me $300 so i can buy one, i won't turn you away.

diary of a professional slacker.

today was the first day of summer semester, which can be better described as the first day of my last semester of college! i'm thrilled!

since i'm such a dedicated, punctual & motivated student (always!), i decided to start the beginning of the end off with a bang. i layed out my outfit, packed myself a healthy lunch, organized my binder, readied my backpack, shined my shoes and tucked myself into bed all by 9pm.

or not.

in reality, i stayed up doing a whole lot of nothing until midnight and then when my alarm went off at 6:30 am, i decided i couldn't be bothered and instead slept completely through my early morning (and very important, i might add) statistics class.

after sufficiently sleeping in and feeling a little bit guilty because of it, i pulled myself out of bed and made it to my next class, core cardio, only 15 minutes late! for the next hour i tried really hard not to faint while a drill sargent made us sprint, do ladders, lunge, crunch and jog until we all threw up on the gymnasium floor.

not really. but almost.

afterwords, i came home and washed off the buckets of sweat on my body and got ready for my last non-online class of the day. because i am such a punctual and dedicated student, i left my home promptly at 12:36...guaranteeing that i would only be 15 minutes late to my 12:35 class. how thoughtful of me, really.

but things didn't work out quite as planned, because after i'd slammed & locked the door behind me i realized that my keys were still inside.

i stood in shock for a moment marveling at the wonderful predicament i'd just put myself in and then called g for help. since he was busy at work and unable to leave, he couldn't actually do anything, but he did sit on the phone and make fun of me while i walked around our little house and tried to think of ways to break in.

finally, i decided to go bother my sweet friend mckenzie and see if she would drive me to school, but her craigy was sleeping and neither of us wanted her to wake him from his nap. at this point i was about to throw in the towel and just lay on the lawn in the sunshine for the next 5 hours, but kenz suggested i take her car instead.

after apologizing for a while, i accepted her offer and quickly drove to g's office to get a house key from him, drive back home, return her car and take mine to school.

i was an hour late and my proffessor was less than amused, but considering my track record for the day, he should have been delighted i decided to show at all.

needless to say, my last semester of college is off to a fabulous start and all of my professors love me already!

********

dear mom & dad, 

in case you are reading this and disappointed that you are funding such behavior, please rest assured that normally i am a perfect student. and i always go to class. every single day. and i'm never really late. i was just joking about everything. the end.

you win.

alright, alright! apparently you guys are visual learners! 

i'm an auditory learner, just for future reference.

i felt super cool taking these pictures and i feel even cooler posting them! 

i mean have you ever tried to photograph your hair? it's not easy.

here is my brown hair. 

thoughts? opinions? joy? hatred?

(just kidding, if you hate it & feel the need to express how much you hate it, go tell your journal or your mother or something!)

goodnight.

this is my quote mirror.

and these suckers are specifically chosen to shut me up when i am feeling negative, discouraged or down. lately, i've been considering just tattooing them to my forehead already. what do you think?

ps. no, not depressed. just stressed & impatient. we're friends, so you get what i'm saying, right? also, thanks for your nice comments about our gettysburg pictures. it really was as beautiful as it looks and i think you should go there, too. more pics of our adventure coming soon.

making lemonade.

my day so far:

• got pulled over for expired plates on my way to work. thought he would cut me some slack for only being one month late & give me a warning. instead, he gave me a ticket.
• late for work because the officer stared at my license for at least 12 minutes in his car. seriously, what are you doing back there?!
• tried to get a new pack of diet coke out of the top cupboard in our kitchen at lunch and while standing on my tip toes trying to reach, i managed to knock the whole pack off the shelf and onto my tile floor. coke cans exploded, everything got sprayed, pups ran for their lives, you get the picture.
• speaking of the pups, one of them pooped in my house today for the first time in over a year.
• and the only reason i discovered it is because i stepped in it.

still barely scraping by in a good mood. mostly, because i think rebecca is darling, even if she is just 12!

ps. found a ghostbuster, going to see if the renters will do it!

random tuesday.

Today, I felt like a date.

I thought about a date all day at work and finally decided to email G and officially "ask him out" for later that night. He said yes and I was stoked, after all, he normally studies at the library on Tuesdays. A date on a random Tuesday! I told him to be ready at 6 and started planning.

By 5 my plans were set. I knew it wouldn't be as appreciated if I spent a lot of money (that's the easy way out), so I got creative and thought of something ultra cheap.

The plan:
Rush home after work and put G's golf clubs, shoes and socks in my trunk.
Run to Crown Burger to buy us burgers and fries
Wait for him to get home from work
Take him and the pups to the park for a picnic in the shade
Hang out there for a while and then take the dogs home
Drive to the nearest golf course, pull into the parking lot, then whip open the trunk to reveal the surprise!
Hit a bucket of balls around dusk and then head home for Karmel Sutra ice cream (his favorite) and a movie

Sounds like a nice date, yes?

Here's what ended up happening:
G pulled up in his car JUST as I was putting the golf clubs in the trunk. Home early for the first time in WEEKS. He laughed as he opened his door and apologized for ruining the surprise. Lame.
We wrangled the dogs and drove to Crown Burger
Waited insanely long for our food
Drove to the park and watched the pups play
Ate my disgusting chicken and salad with a spoon (they forgot my fork)
We were attacked by a swarm of bees (of course) and forced to throw a piece of chicken across the park to make them go away
Another dog peed on Toby's head.
And then stole the straw out of our strawberry shake
Came back minutes later and took the whole thing
We gave up on dinner and took the pups home.
Headed for the golf course, even though it was no longer a surprise
Drove around for 40 minutes trying to find the club house
Finally found it after circling 10 times
Unloaded the clubs and walked inside
Surprise, surprise, driving range closed.
Racked my brain for a back-up plan and came up empty.
Decided to just give up and document my failure with a pretty picture in front of the sunset, instead
Can you guess what happened next?
Yup, no camera card.

G laughed as we drove home in the sunset and I dubbed my attempt "the worst date I've ever planned". He said it was a great night and one of his favorite dates so far. That is most definitely a lie, but at least I have a husband who lies to me in situations like these. I'll take a failed date with him any day.

our oasis in the making.

here's a picture i took of g in our new backyard.
look at all of that fresh dirt....isn't it lovely?

yesterday, g told me he was going to go outside and start ripping up our old, dead grass in preparation for the new grass we are putting in this weekend.

when i came to check on him literally 45 minutes later, i had to laugh in astonishment when i found a completely cleared backyard. he had somehow managed to rip up all of the ground cover, grass, weeds and roots and haul them away in the time it took me get a drink and do a little jig in our kitchen.

i'm pretty sure that project would have taken me about 8 years to complete.

of course, i felt bad for missing the opportunity to help, but you see i've got lots and lots of homework these days. with that said, school is no fun, but i'm pretty sure i prefer it to ripping roots out of the ground with my bare hands!

***and also, thank you to my friends who sent banana bread recipes & tips my way. you are too kind. everyone has told me to let the bananas get "reeeeallllly" dark before i make the bread, but i am somewhat worried about this process? i left a bunch in my hot car for about 4 hours the other day (in a ziplock) bag and now the little suckers seem to be oozing puss or something. that can't be normal, can it? thoughts?

bootylicious.

Sometimes, I like to make myself feel better by pretending that I am an independent woman, like Beyoncé. Whenever I feel the urge, I put on my black leotard and do the "Single Ladies" dance in my living room, just like she does. And then I go out and kill spiders, pay the bills all by myself, take walks alone at night & defend myself from rapists. Because I'm just that independent.

Or not.

Truthfully, I rely on my husband for many things. He is the one in our family who takes out the trash and kills the bugs and mows the lawn. He is also the one who does the heavy lifting and the checking of the house for killers at 3 am. Call us stereotypical, but I enjoy the fact that G is manly & wants to do manly things for me. I think it's hot. Especially when he does the manly things shirtless.

But, today I decided to put on my independent woman leotard & channeled my inner Beyoncé, when I came home to my sweltering house (seriously, its 81 degrees in here right now and it's 8:11 pm) and found a wasp circling my living room. I should probably preface this by letting you know that I am terrified and I mean TERRIFIED of bees. I have been stung over 30 times in my lifetime, with the majority of those stings being in Elementary when I was attacked by an entire hive of yellow jackets. They crawled up my shirt. And burrowed in my hair. And stung me 27 times. And I was 11.

Yes.

So, when I managed trap the devil behind a wall of shutters, without screaming or running from my home, I felt like an independent woman, even though I probably shouldn't have. And I realize that admitting my pathetic-ness to all of you could cause you to virtually roll your eyes at me, but oh well. It's the truth. I am terrified of bees and tonight, I wrangled one.

Go.
Me.

a message to my besties.

Jon called me from Europe today. He actually took time out of his once-in-a-lifetime trip and made an international call to his little sister.

And, of course, I missed it because I SUCK at answering my phone, carrying my phone or even remembering that I own a cell phone. That's lame and I'm mad at myself.

Jonny, I doubt you will check my blog while you are away, but if you do, I'm so sorry I missed the call. BFF, BBSFE, BCPF.

(and K, you too).