Sometimes, I like to make myself feel better by pretending that I am an independent woman, like Beyoncé. Whenever I feel the urge, I put on my black leotard and do the "Single Ladies" dance in my living room, just like she does. And then I go out and kill spiders, pay the bills all by myself, take walks alone at night & defend myself from rapists. Because I'm just that independent.
Or not.
Truthfully, I rely on my husband for many things. He is the one in our family who takes out the trash and kills the bugs and mows the lawn. He is also the one who does the heavy lifting and the checking of the house for killers at 3 am. Call us stereotypical, but I enjoy the fact that G is manly & wants to do manly things for me. I think it's hot. Especially when he does the manly things shirtless.
But, today I decided to put on my independent woman leotard & channeled my inner Beyoncé, when I came home to my sweltering house (seriously, its 81 degrees in here right now and it's 8:11 pm) and found a wasp circling my living room. I should probably preface this by letting you know that I am terrified and I mean TERRIFIED of bees. I have been stung over 30 times in my lifetime, with the majority of those stings being in Elementary when I was attacked by an entire hive of yellow jackets. They crawled up my shirt. And burrowed in my hair. And stung me 27 times. And I was 11.
Yes.
So, when I managed trap the devil behind a wall of shutters, without screaming or running from my home, I felt like an independent woman, even though I probably shouldn't have. And I realize that admitting my pathetic-ness to all of you could cause you to virtually roll your eyes at me, but oh well. It's the truth. I am terrified of bees and tonight, I wrangled one.
Go.
Me.
I'll never hear that song without picturing you in a black leotard again. Comedy.
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome - I am also terrified of bees - I keep aerosol hairspray around strictly for the killing of the little buggers. Aquanet is good for something!
Go
You
"If you like it then you should've put a ring on it....."
You are an awesome woman! Congrats on trapping the bee. Hope you guys don't swelter in your house too long.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad for the heat, just not when it's inside our house! I don't know about you but I HATE THE HEAT INSIDE! It should be a balmy 70 degrees inside when it's 90 out but I can't convince Darrell of that! Oh well! I'm not afraid of bees and if we lived closer I'd offer my services. I am however TERRIFIED of birds. Any kind! Keep them away from me! And they've really never done anything to me so I can't explain it! I hope you feel better now that I've shared some of my own pathetic-ness! Have a good day you independent woman you!
ReplyDelete27 times? when you were 11? please expand and document this story itself in a future post. you left me hanging! i mean clearly you survived...but was it a close call or anything? did you blow up? did you look like will smith in hitch? i want to know more.
ReplyDeleteand for the record, beyonce is secretly my idol. i hope to one day actually own a black leo and learn that dance.
Oh man! Ya, I would have moved...yup, for sure. I am also TERRIFIED of bees and freak out when one is even 10feet by me and I can clearly run away or hide. You definitely deserve to put on that leotard my friend and wear it LOUD AND PROUD!
ReplyDeleteI read this post yesterday & kept thinking about it & laughing in my mind at the picture of you man-handling the bee in your leotard, with Beyonce' blasting. HA HA!! :)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that happened to you when you were 11. SCARY!! I'd be freaked out big time of bees too if that were my history. Way to face your fear!
I trapped a bee in a cup on Monday too! It was a frightening experience with some screaming and dancing around included, but Tyler cheered for me the whole time.
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