a proper goodbye.

Today I am missing Jack and Toby.

What good little men they were. What sweet little dogs. I get update emails from Aunt Evie in Colorado and I can't help but smile and laugh and cry a little bit, too, when she tells me about their new lives and adventures and experiences out there without us.

It still feels like they belong here with me. It still feels like they are mine. I loved them and cared for them and babied them for almost six years and it still breaks my heart that I couldn't give them what they deserve forever.

I was out of town when it happened. It was for the best that way. Greg called me the night before, SLC to California, and told me he was nervous about handing them off the next day. For weeks and months I had been ignoring the sadness I felt over the situation, pushing down the pain, but when we talked about it that night suddenly every tear and heartache I had inside me came spilling over. I couldn't speak or move or catch my breath, it seemed. I so badly wanted to be there with him to say goodbye one last time. I wanted to breathe in Toby's little frito-lay head and rub J Bubba's fat belly. I wanted to tell them how much they had meant to me, how they had saved me so many times, been exactly what I needed. I hoped that they knew. I hope they still know.

My life is changing so quickly these days, sometimes I hardly recognize myself. For the most part, I try to be positive and excited about the road ahead, but in quiet moments all alone, I also feel a deep sadness over the loss of the life I thought I would have; a life where I could handle my kids and my dogs and everyone fit on the sidewalk together. I thought adding another baby to the family would be a simple transition, a minor change of pace, and then the ultrasound showed two beating heartbeats instead of one and it felt like nothing would ever be the same again.

I know that we made the right decision. I know she can care for them in a way I won't be able to anymore. I know that my time and energy and love will be swallowed up whole by my 3 little ones and I know there would have been nothing left for those sweet dogs waiting patiently on their bed in the corner. I know they will be happier in their new life, that our new life won't leave enough space for them in it. My heart tells me all of this, and I know we did what is best.

But that doesn't mean it isn't unbearably sad.

brotherly love.

these two punks melt my heart...especially when they don't smell like poop.

slingin' it.

i bought a baby sling this weekend at swiss days (hooray!). when i brought it home to show g he was a little confused as to how it works & what we would use it for. i tried just explaining it, but quickly realized i needed a prop. the lady i bought it from used a baby doll, but since we were fresh out of those i grabbed the next best thing, little 7 pound toblerone.

he was quite happy chilling out in the sling. he may or may not have stayed in there long after the demonstration was over. don't judge him.

pups + papers.

3.5 weeks and i'm a college grad!

although i'm still weary of flat out failing a few of my hardest classes (my brain is mush) i am finally starting to realize that this is actually going to happen! currently working on a monster of a research paper & giddy about the fact that this will be the last i ever write in. my. life. (you can quote me on that!)

making me even more giddy is the fact that i get to fly away to my favorite vacation spot the second it's all over. finals & tests on the 6th and then i'm gone on the 7th. i can't think of any better way to end my college career with a bang.

speaking of the trip, anyone want to volunteer to watch the pups? i have a few back-up plans in mind, but thought i'd ask here first. you can email me or comment if you're interested. and just fyi, we broke j bub of the poop-eating habit so double bonus for you!

i'm sure blogging will continue to be sparse as i finish up this degree. can't wait to catch up and get back to chatting about life on a regular basis. so much is going on! xo.

toby, jack & their bff, the bunny 

(who once had an entire outfit on, but has since been stripped -by jack- of everything but his flip flops. poor guy)

and two little men.

who happen to be getting much better at the poop eating thing.

who won't leave me alone.
who frequently look homeless.

who get so excited when i walk through the door.

who don't leave their bed until noon.

who are obsessed with each other.

who take out every toy we own and scatter them all over the house.

who are quite spastic & crazy.

who live to chase the birds at the park.

who freak out whenever i say the word "park".
who seem to always need a bath & a haircut.

who can cheer me up faster than almost anything else.

who spend their days sleeping in the sunshine.

good morning.

yesterday, these pups were punks and i maybe would have sold jack to the highest bidder after he ruined my life for a solid hour, but somehow, today they are sweet again and when i saw them still in bed at almost 10:00, i couldn't help but photograph their cuteness.

according to toby, waking up is highly overrated & one should stay in bed until at least 6 or 7 pm in order to be fully rested. and jack still wants to be a model. come on kibbles in bits, throw us a bone!

ps. despite the fact that these pups look completely homeless, they just had a bath yesterday. swear.

nightmares.

this is actually nothing compared to some of the things we've seen this little man do in his sleep (usually it's more like this), but this is the first time we've caught any of it on tape. i'm always rooting for him to catch whatever it is he is chasing. such a funny pup. we love him.

and sorry about the creepy 24 background noise. g is loving this season & i am loving g (so therefore, i watch). are you watching? can't lie, even though j bubba was named after jack bauer, i'm kind of over it.

these pups are nuts.

toby's tongue is always sticking out one side of his mouth

jack is afraid of any noise & jumps every time we breathe
toby is already shivering and the fleece sweatshirt is back on
jack barks at his reflection & other dogs on tv
toby growls & "runs" in his sleep

jack eats his poop on a daily basis (we've discussed this)

our pups are really weird.

bump watch.

yesterday, i was making my bed when i noticed a bump.

i pulled back the covers to see what the bump was
and sure enough, i had made my bed with toby still in it
(this you must know about toby, he LOVES sleeping in & sleeping under the covers)

so i told him it was time to wake up.

the end.

we could be a snuggie family!

how sad is it that i am honestly considering getting one of these for toby?
but, the little man wont go outside from september through march without a sweatshirt.
i think he needs it.

someone please help me.

{i had the hilarious video up, until i realized it re-started after every page load. way too annoying. video here.}