dear hawaii, i miss you.
i've decided i'm a chicken.
and no, mom, it's not just because chicken's are our favorite.
which, they are, but that's beside the point.
i just scrolled through my archived posts & read every one with the word "draft" next to it. it's really quite sad to see what i've decided to leave off of this blog. there are ghost-posts about the first time i met g, my thoughts about my marriage, my struggles, my opinions, my moments; good & bad. i really love to write for a lot of reasons, but mostly i write to remember. to sort things out, to savor the good and let go of the bad. all these silent posts have come from my heart and been genuine, so why haven't i published any of them?
i don't know what i'm so afraid of?
i wish i had the courage to just hit "publish" & brace myself for the criticism, the negative comments, the "this is so boring & you are so cheesy" response from the masses. i really wish i would just go for it.
so my question to you tonight is, what gives you the courage to put yourself out there? to really write about your life? what inspires you to be brave and publish that silly post you wrote that feels dumb and insignificant now, but also felt so true & honest when you were pounding away on the keyboard? the one you wrote because you were crying, or giddy, or nostalgic, or mad, or head over heels in love?
what makes you brave enough to hit "publish"?
tell me, please.
or, are you a chicken, too?
I'm actually chicken, but only because I have published a post and gotten ZERO comments because it was so pointless. That to me was almost worse than getting a negative comment! So, now I only post about actual things. But you... my friend- You have NEVER gotten ZERO comments OR a negative comment so I STILL don't understand what you're so afraid of. Don't be afraid Jess, just hit publish.. DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!
ReplyDeleteOh! P.S. As far as Vegas hotels go... we LOVE the Golden Nugget LOL I know it's an older hotel and in the older part of Vegas but it's all been newly remodeled and is considered like a 4 or 5 star hotel. Ryan loves it 'cause they have like 2 dollar tables to gamble at across the street. I don't know though, I'm sure your husband is more righteous than mine and probably doesn't gamble am I right? Anyway, we also ALWAYS do priceline. You know, name your own price? We click in 4 star hotel or higher and then bid pretty low then they always come back with a reasonable price. So... Yeah, now that I've told you the way we plan a Vegas trip in detail I hope I helped you out a little.... GOOD LUCK!
ReplyDeleteIt's less important that others think what you write is significant than you think it's significant. Writing like most things, produces everything from suberb to poor results. Not every Steinbeck novel was equally popular or met the same success. My guess is his favorites may not have even been the public's favorites.
ReplyDeleteIf you wrote it, it likely meant something to you. So post it. You've done so many great posts, your credibility is very high and you're "playing on the casino's money" (ask Greg for the translation) so I wouldn't fear a few less than stellar posts. What you think is not so great, may touch someone else in an important way. So just post 'em!!! I read and love them all. Love, Dad.
I am also a chicken, about 99% of the time.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoy writing. But, I post meaningless dribble...Mostly because I also keep a personal journal, and get out all my emotions that way:) However, at times I have posted stuff that meant something to me. People who click on your blog, do it because they want to hear from you, be updated & informed on YOU, your life...That includes everything... The moments in your life when you felt happy, sad, excited, nervous, ashamed, befuddled, embarrassed, hopeful.......etc, etc, etc. It's all a question of how much about yourself you wish to share with others...But don't make it a question of whether or not people would be interested in reading your thoughts...If they weren't, they would be on your site ;)
ReplyDeleteI just type, hit send and then think, crap! But I figure it's out there now even if I deleted it someone probably saw it so I leave it. Plus I just don't care what the masses think (most of the time) I know those closest to me love me regardless so, there you have it.
ReplyDeleteisn't my dad great? i'm responding to his comment here, because he doesn't have a blog for me to go and comment on (like the rest of you do). dad, i think YOU should start a blog! that was a sweet comment & great advice. i love you!
ReplyDeletei think i am a big chicken most of the time...
ReplyDeletei censor what i say on my blog because i know the people who read my blog have always expected alot from me(my parents, people i look up to, family)...and i am afraid that is if i posted half of the angry/upset/hurt/broken hearted/furious/stupid choices posts that i have in my drafts i would feel guilty, like i had somehow let them down....silly i know.
i think you are a beautiful writer. i enjoy reading all of your posts, no matter how silly and insignificant you may think it is. please keep it up.
Count me as a chicken. Nothing I write is significant. Maybe that can be a goal.
ReplyDeleteCause it's me, take it or leave it. It's the way I think & the way I feel and that's all I really want on my blog. Me. (sounds selfish!!) But really, I'm just not that into pretending to be something I'm not. What would be the point of that?
ReplyDeletethe fact that i rarely reread what i've written so i always think it's good...and have no fear until after. then i totally second guess but that's usually if it's an email to someone about somethng important. i've sent some really scary ones out there. my dad always says i need to think before i speak...still working on that one.
ReplyDeleteSorry! I totally didn't mean to imply that YOU are fake at all!! I was just answering the question as to why I do what I do.
ReplyDeleteI love your sappy nostalgic cheesy thoughts & feelings! They make my day-sometimes you put into words what I think in my heart & can't quite get out right and I love that!