hello.

I love blogging. I really, really do. But, I seriously don't have time for it these days. It used to be that I would blog after I got home from work. After all, it was usually already dark outside & sometimes it was snowing and there was no need to do anything besides watch TV, veg out & blog.

But now.

Now I get home and it's beautiful outside. And I want to go for a walk, or to the park, or to a café and eat dinner on the patio. At the very least, I want to sit on the grass or on my porch and watch the sun set and smell the blossoms.

So, I apologize for the lack of posts & the boring nature of my blog. And I understand if you don't stop by anymore. But hey, while I've got you here..how about a funny story?

The other night, G & I attended family dinner at my parents house. My sweet Grandma, Pansey Valaine, was there, too. Oh, how I love my cute little Grandma. Anyways, G & I had been teasing each other all night about who was stronger (we tend to do this...compete like siblings). We couldn't agree on who would win in a smack-down, so after dinner, we cleared out the living room & decided to settle the dispute once and for all. It was a good fight, but unfortunately for me, G was the unanimous winner.

After we were done fighting/wrestling my Grandma chimed in with this gem of a comment, "If Jess & Greg had been fighting like that at home, it would have led to heavy sex."

Ummmm. Yah.

I don't know what to type. I didn't know what to say, either. My favorite part was that she included the word, "heavy"...not just REGULAR sex, but heavy sex. She's a firecracker, that one and I love that I can always count on her to say something completely random and slightly embarrassing. She went on to say other things, too. Things that I will not type here on the blog because they make me blush.

Anyways, besides fielding sex comments from my Grandma, here's a little list of what we've been up to lately.

1. G is working on his admissions essays for his Business School applications and he hates it. He would like everyone to know that writing is his "least favorite thing to do in the WORLD!!!" Now do you believe me that I married my polar opposite?

2. We went shooting on Saturday. G was in Heaven. I was slightly terrified and REALLY uncomfortable. Luckily, we both came out alive (I am dead serious) and although my ears rang for 2 days afterwords, I would MAYBE do it again.

3. G is applying for a new job at Goldman. Which could mean happy changes for our little family if he gets it. We'll see.

4. I start school again this summer, which means we will both be students again come Fall. Unfortunately this means more nights away from each other, rather than LIVING THE DREAM. I'm not looking forward to any of it.

5. Our pups are still alive. And sometimes, I even love them. Sometimes. (jk)

Besides that, it's been more of the same. Hopefully I'll think of something semi interesting to blog about in the near future.

Until then, Stay classy, bloggers....

And thanks for stopping by.

But mostly, stay classy.

admin appreciation day.

was yesterday.

for reals. it's a holiday. look it up.

our lovely boss bought us lunch & gave us all a little present.

we felt so appreciated.

but mostly it was just another excuse to eat lunch together & laugh until we peed our pants.

i love you, girls.

my life right now.

consists of:

people i thoroughly enjoy showing up at my house to say hello and eat strawberries with me, which i love.

cleaning out my closet and switching out winter clothes for summer clothes.
(hi j bub!)

walks & park outings with my 3 boyfriends
(although lately, no hat has been necessary!)

and snuggy time.

other than that, i am terribly uninspired to blog these days...it's just too beautiful outside!
i''ll see you this weekend, maybe, it's supposed to snow!

9 things.

• woke up to some sort of military unit running in perfect lines in front of our house & screaming as they went (just like in the movies).
• opened my blinds and saw sunshine. put on a skirt & smiled the whole time i was getting ready.
• first soccer game of the season tonight. can't wait to spread out a blanket, lay in the grass, bask in the sunshine & get the pups out of the house.
• we are officially done speaking in church & it feels like a ten thousand pound weight has been lifted.
• g did wonderful.
• i got all emotional and cried in front of my new ward & then proceeded to deliver the entire talk with mascara on my cheeks.
• speaking of mascara on my cheeks, if it snows this week i will cry actual tears.
• i'm craving a cheeseburger & fries for dinner.
• life is good.

i'm supposed to be writing a talk right now.

g is sitting in the chair next to me, working diligently on preparing his talk for sacrament meeting (and if any of my family or friends are reading this, don't ask me when we are speaking...trust me, you won't be missing anything). every now & then he asks me a question about the format and the topics and i nod and agree and say something about "starting with a joke" and "ending with a testimony" and continue typing away. i'm writing my talk, too, you see....i am, i am.

toby magoo & mr. j bubba olsen are wrestling on the floor beside me. in case you are thinking to yourself, "wow! i wasn't even sure if she had dogs anymore, she NEVER mentions them!" i know i don't & i'm sorry...and yes, they are still alive despite several attempts i made to KILL THEM a few days ago when they brought solid poops in through the dog door (again) and scattered them in my living room.

j bubba is currently losing the wrestling match, which i'm sure has something to do with the fact that he can't keep up anymore. lately, g & i have been quite concerned about the weight of a certain mr. j bubba olsen and although we've tried to be positive, the real low point came when he tried to jump on our bed one night & failed after 10 straight attempts. now, j bubba is pretty much a portrait of "the little engine that could" in that he will try again and again and again until he succeeds. he fell flat on his face multiple times when he was a puppy before he ever made it to the bed. and once he finally landed on top, i'm pretty sure he shook his little paw at the sky & said "TAKE THAT!!".

needless to say, we were a proud mother & father.

so it's understandable that watching him finally give up and realize he could no longer catapult his rolly, polly body into the air and onto our bed, was a real rough moment for the whole family. i think g made have shed a tear or two.

i really can't tell you when he went from being slender to being a chub, but suddenly he was breathing heavily and not even attempting to jump on the bed & though i tried not to see it, even i, HIS MOTHER, couldn't ignore the rolls that were accumulating on his sides. we finally took him to the vet and as the scale tipped to a whopping 8 pounds i knew we had a problem. it was then, that the vet firmly sat me down and informed me that 8 pounds for a dog his size, was "moderately overweight and something to be concerned about".

now he weighs 14.

i don't know what to do with my little man. i assure you, i'm not one of those crazies that feeds my dogs hot dogs & bacon smothered in butter every night. the pups stick to a strict diet of healthy, organic dog food (seriously, the stuff's good. the petco salesman maybe told us it was 'even good enough for humans', so g & i maybe tasted it when we got home, just to be sure.) g has even tried to take him running a few times & we are a park-lovin', walk-takin' family. i'm convinced he must be sneaking out at night and smuggling girl-scout cookies from the pantry, because i rarely see him eat. closet eater, maybe? is he hiding out in the middle of the night, consuming all his calories while he cries into the tub of ice cream he's working on?

g is looking at me funny now & wondering how i am just typing this talk without any research, so i suppose i better

s l o w
d o w n
m y
t y p i n g . . .

more looks, more suspicion.

i'm out. (like shout!).

let's be honest.

i totally love (and use) my snuggie.
and g laughs the whole time.
seriously, what's so funny?

migraine city.

That's where I've been lately.

And it sucks.

Any time I don't get a restful, full night of sleep, I wake up with a dreaded migraine. Usually the migraine lasts all day, and you can find me with my head down, rubbing my temples & asking to JUST DIE ALREADY! around 3 pm. Seriously, migraines are the worst.

I've always been somewhat of an insomniac, but lately I've taken things to a whole new level. I can't sleep...haven't been able to for the past week & a half. I don't know what's going on with me, but I toss and turn (seriously, good thing G is a deep, deep sleeper) 100 times until I finally find a position that is somewhat comfortable for the next 5 minutes until I need to turn again. It's torture.

As a bonus to the fact that I can't find a comfortable position, my brain decided to make it even more impossible for me to sleep, so it never shuts up. I think about everything; my life, my job, school, books I've read, quotes I've heard, things I need to do, things I want to remember, things I want to write about, song lyrics, poems, things I'm worried about, conversations I've had, the fact that I'm not asleep yet, etc, etc, etc. My brain is like one of those creepy self-help CD's G has on his I-POD (Tony Robbins anyone?). The words just keep coming and coming and coming and coming & I can't find the pause button.

Well, last night I'd finally had enough and decided to just go ahead and take a benadryl in an effort to knock myself out & finally get some much needed rest. I took a pill at 8 pm, hoping to be out at 8:30, but things didn't exactly work out that way. Somehow, I found myself standing in the hallway, head down, starting at the floor around 9pm. I have no idea how I got from the couch to the hallway, because I have no recollection of standing or walking, but all of the sudden, there I was, standing in the dark, staring at the floor. I then vaguely remember ending up in the bathroom (head down) for a solid 5 minutes until I somehow finally made it to bed where I collapsed in my clothes, completely sideways on the bed, until G finally came & turned me around. Speaking of G, where was he when I was standing at random places in our house, swaying slowly & running into walls? I have no idea. My guess is that he was sitting on the couch laughing uncontrollably (which is exactly what I would do in his position). Before I took the pill, I made G promise to carry me to bed if I fell asleep on the couch (for this exact reason) but he obviously failed to uphold his pinky promise.

And if you are wondering if I finally got a solid 8 hours of restful sleep, my answer to you is NO. I was out for maybe 3 hours and then I was up again. Up in the middle of the night, tossing and turning some more and now thinking about the fact that I had taken a benadryl that wouldn't wear off for a solid 24 hours (I'm a light weight when it comes to those suckers) and would be drowsy & dead the next day for nothing. And I am.

So please friends, this is my cry for help. I am extremely sleep deprived (and slightly drugged) right now & can't be held accountable for my actions. If you find me standing on your porch, or in a public restroom, or in the street...head down, eyes closed, please be a friend and help. I know it will be tempting to just sit back and watch (much like my husband chooses to do) but I really don't want to end up asleep in a hallway somewhere.

Thank you & goodnight.

dear hills.

i thought i was over you.

i haven't watched you in months...haven't cared to. somewhere in between the bad acting & obvious drama, i got over you.

g was thrilled, of course. he couldn't believe it. was my addiction of so many years really over?

we both relished in the thought.

i don't know how you did it, how you seduced me again? it might have been that ridiculous trailer that kept popping up during my real world episodes or the gorgeous new promotion pics floating around cyber space. but, i see you & i feel giddy again, the way i did when we first fell in love all those years ago.

are heidi & lauren really going to make up? is audrina seriously hooking up with brody? what the H happened to justin bobby?

i miss you, hills. i'm ready to come back. hopefully you'll welcome me with open arms & won't make me regret my decision. either way, i'll see you tonight...just don't tell my other lover.

conference weekend.

spinach quiche bubbling in the oven. snow drizzling slowly down. a pup on each lap, socks on my feet. pajamas all day & we don't care.

time with the family. time to relax. time to bake and i'm reminded, i love it.

words pour down & lift me up. i want to be better, know more, compare less.
i want to be grateful.
i want to to be kind.
i want to not get so irritated with that person at work who smacks her gum all day long and asks me how to double click.

i should just show her, with a smile & not grumble about it.
click, click
it's not so hard

i want to be a better version of myself.
i'm going to try to be.
and that, folks, is why i love my church.

something about nothing.

5:00.

Race home to start dinner. Hope for the best. Pull out the carrots, squash, broccoli, red pepper, cream, cheese, pasta. Chop, chop, chop, boil, plop, stir, season, simmer. The kitchen is thick with steam.

G & J bubba go for a run. Toby cries by the door the whole time they are gone. I give him a jerky, nothing. I try to play fetch, nothing. I fill a toy with peanut butter…nothing. He sits by the door and waits and cries. Every now and then, he gets up to search the house. He finds nothing and returns to wait. I think it’s sweet.

The boys return. I’m just finishing. G takes a shower. I wash the strawberries. G gets dressed. I set the table.

Dinner's Served.

The food tastes like it’s supposed to and I’m relieved. We eat slowly…letting the time pass. The dogs cuddle up on the rug, bathed in sunshine and close their eyes…content now that they are together. The sunlight fades, reflecting oranges and yellows and reds across the hardwood floor. G sits across the table & talks.

Soon, the dishes are loaded & the counters are wiped. We venture back out for a walk. A sweatshirt & a coat…both hoods on. It’s still cold. The dogs with their harness and a leash. I hold G’s hand and then shove ours into his coat pocket. We trade off holding the leash. Because his fingers are always cold. And mine never are.

We walk up & down, back & forth, past houses and buildings, and parked cars. Walk slowly down the middle of the road. Because some streets don’t have sidewalks & no one else is out tonight. The dogs lead the way…strolling side by side. The light fades and fades and fades, but lingers. Coloring the sky purple.

We end up at the park. Take the dogs off their leash. The gate clicks closed behind us and they disappear. Off in the distance they are running and pouncing and chasing. I have to squint to see them...to find them in the hazy light. We wander through the playground, across the monkey bars, down the slide. It’s getting darker now, the day slipping away. I can hear the dogs chasing and moving and growling, but I can’t see them anymore.

It’s time to go. We click the leash back on and continue…I’m not ready to leave. The last bit of sunlight evaporates into the sky and night has arrived…blue and brilliant. The city lights twinkle below us, pulsing and dancing. We stop to watch them, to relish in their beauty and I feel on top of the world.

We walk until we can no longer make out the street signs, the shapes, the colors. Until day gives way to darkness & every light flickers on. Inside their cozy houses, everyone settles in for American Idol or a movie or goodnight. We walk until we reach home again. Until the sky is black & the world is silent.

Until we are invisible. Except to each other.