i need a time-out.

if i could rewind and re-live the last 72 hours i would change the following:

1. i would not feed the wrong meter at school, so i didn't return to a ticket, while the car next to me got to mooch off of my .75
2. i would not put my foot in my mouth and say something that i completely regret to someone i love.
3.  i would not forget to check the washing machine before shoving my laundry inside and pouring in bleach so i didn't accidentally bleach ryan's backpack, which was still inside (although they claim it looks the same. so kind of them!)
4. i would not drop my bare minerals makeup and spill it all over my bathroom floor (and it turn, waste it all)
5. i would not lose the receipt for a $100 return i needed to make at anthropologie.
6. i would not completely forget to study for my fcs test.
7. and more than anything, i would not walk to the sink with my brand new ipod touch in my hand and accidentally drop it right into a bowl of water, while trying to do too many things at once. therefore, ruining my ipod (that i've had for only 2 months!) and pissing off g who was sweet enough to buy it for me for my birthday.
8. also, i wouldn't say/scream all the things i did when i did when #7 occurred.

i'm considering locking myself in my bedroom for the next few days, in order to avoid all the other catastrophes i might cause this weekend, because apparently i'm on a mission to make my life as difficult as possible.

also, if anyone wants to give me a new ipod touch or loan me $300 so i can buy one, i won't turn you away.

mini me.

yesterday after school, i stopped by my parents house to go to dinner and a movie with my mom. while i was waiting for her to get ready, i helped scotty clean out the closet in his bedroom, which was my bedroom while i was in highschool. i found so much of my old crap! journals, cd's, yearbooks, dance pictures, etc, etc, etc....

well, of course i had to start reading the journals and i was laughing so hard at myself i was practically crying. i was such a nerd! it also made me realize what a fun & easy childhood i had!

for example....

7/1/2000
dear diary,

we are leaving for lake powell in the morning and i'm so excited! it's saturday and melissa is sleeping over because we are leaving early in the morning! i love lake powell. we have been getting ready all day. whenever it's time to go home from lake powell, i don't want to. i hope nothing bad happens in lake powell this year. last year i broke my arm. i was doing cartwheels down the sand dunes and i got going too fast. ouch!

well, i should probably go. we are going to have so much fun playing on the tubes and in the water!
also, a few days ago i went to the nsync concert and it was so fun. we have been swimming so much at grandma's pool this summer and i am really tan.

love,
jessica

what a life!

diary of a professional slacker.

today was the first day of summer semester, which can be better described as the first day of my last semester of college! i'm thrilled!

since i'm such a dedicated, punctual & motivated student (always!), i decided to start the beginning of the end off with a bang. i layed out my outfit, packed myself a healthy lunch, organized my binder, readied my backpack, shined my shoes and tucked myself into bed all by 9pm.

or not.

in reality, i stayed up doing a whole lot of nothing until midnight and then when my alarm went off at 6:30 am, i decided i couldn't be bothered and instead slept completely through my early morning (and very important, i might add) statistics class.

after sufficiently sleeping in and feeling a little bit guilty because of it, i pulled myself out of bed and made it to my next class, core cardio, only 15 minutes late! for the next hour i tried really hard not to faint while a drill sargent made us sprint, do ladders, lunge, crunch and jog until we all threw up on the gymnasium floor.

not really. but almost.

afterwords, i came home and washed off the buckets of sweat on my body and got ready for my last non-online class of the day. because i am such a punctual and dedicated student, i left my home promptly at 12:36...guaranteeing that i would only be 15 minutes late to my 12:35 class. how thoughtful of me, really.

but things didn't work out quite as planned, because after i'd slammed & locked the door behind me i realized that my keys were still inside.

i stood in shock for a moment marveling at the wonderful predicament i'd just put myself in and then called g for help. since he was busy at work and unable to leave, he couldn't actually do anything, but he did sit on the phone and make fun of me while i walked around our little house and tried to think of ways to break in.

finally, i decided to go bother my sweet friend mckenzie and see if she would drive me to school, but her craigy was sleeping and neither of us wanted her to wake him from his nap. at this point i was about to throw in the towel and just lay on the lawn in the sunshine for the next 5 hours, but kenz suggested i take her car instead.

after apologizing for a while, i accepted her offer and quickly drove to g's office to get a house key from him, drive back home, return her car and take mine to school.

i was an hour late and my proffessor was less than amused, but considering my track record for the day, he should have been delighted i decided to show at all.

needless to say, my last semester of college is off to a fabulous start and all of my professors love me already!

********

dear mom & dad, 

in case you are reading this and disappointed that you are funding such behavior, please rest assured that normally i am a perfect student. and i always go to class. every single day. and i'm never really late. i was just joking about everything. the end.

buddies.

our punks + dexter...good times!

you win.

alright, alright! apparently you guys are visual learners! 

i'm an auditory learner, just for future reference.

i felt super cool taking these pictures and i feel even cooler posting them! 

i mean have you ever tried to photograph your hair? it's not easy.

here is my brown hair. 

thoughts? opinions? joy? hatred?

(just kidding, if you hate it & feel the need to express how much you hate it, go tell your journal or your mother or something!)

goodnight.

fatty.

j bub has to go on a diet.
g says.

i think this is lame.
let the dog enjoy life!

plus, i like his rolls.
they'll be missed.

play dead.

i've had an insane amount a little bit of free time this week.

i'm doing really productive things with it. you know, like painting my nails, twirling in the kitchen, annoying my brothers with daily visits, going for drives with my ipod, visiting g at work, dying my hair, eating chocolate cake, making movies and reading old emails.

also i taught the pups to play dead.

swear.

why not?

dyed my hair dark brown on a whim this afternoon. i realize that's not what one normally does in may, but i needed a change. it's dark. like, 2004 junior year dark and probably even darker, if i'm being honest.

g has no idea. let's hope he can love a brunette as much as he loves a blonde!

zions.

hello friends! i'm home from a little weekend getaway i took with a few of my brothers and my mom. my dad was supposed to join us, but he got a phone call from work halfway through the drive and had to turn around when they told him that the stock market had dropped almost 900 points. we were sad he had to go back, but decided to venture on without him.

my little brother, scotty, is home from his mission, so we decided to take him on a little trip during mine and jon's break between semesters and zions was the place we chose. i'd never been before & thought it was gorgeous, but i was a little unprepared for the hike we did while we were there. a lot of you have probably hiked angel's landing, but this was my first time. i'd heard that the hike is so steep that you have to hold onto chains at the top in order to keep from falling off the cliff, so it took a little coaxing from my brothers to convince me to do it. it was worth it. definitely one of the scariest, hardest and prettiest hikes i've ever done. and no one died. bonus!

we were so happy and exhausted after almost 3 hours of not-stop climbing. my calves were on fire. but it was such a cool experience and i loved doing it with those boys. they take such good care of me-always making sure i was hydrated and climbing up every tricky spot first so they could pull me up after them or give me a hand down. my mother raised really good boys.
we also visited a petting zoo where we got to feed elk & bison by hand. jon maybe even kissed one, but let's not talk about it.

 the rest of the trip was great. we played outside, layed by the pool, ate at tons of cute little cafés, got gelato, read in the sunshine and just enjoyed being together again. i love my family and i couldn't be more proud of my scotty.

the end.

20 percent hard, 80 percent wonderful.

i am currently wearing my pajamas and it's 4:30pm. i have been sitting at this blasted desk writing paper after paper since i woke up this morning and i basically haven't moved since.

well, actually, that's a lie. i did leave around lunch time to bring g a pbj and get a hug. for the past few months, i have been faithfully making him his lunch, and since he works up the street i purposefully "forget" to make the sandwich the night before every single day, so i can drive it up to him at noon instead. the truth is, my days are better when i get to steal him away for a whole 15 minutes while he eats his sandwich and i ramble/chat/vent/complain and laugh with him in the car. sometimes the temptation to put my foot on the gas and kidnap him is far more than i can bear.

but of course, he is far too sly to be kidnapped and duty calls, so when the clock strikes 12:15 he goes back to work and i go back to studying and life continues.

yesterday while basking in grandmotherly wisdom with my mom & christy i said to my grandma pansey, "life is so hard sometimes" and she said "life is so hard. and it is so wonderful." i think that sums things up quite nicely, don't you? between trying to figure out law school, trying to decide where to move, hoping we will find an apartment, trying to figure out how we will pay for it all, getting ready to leave a great job, wrapping up finals, figuring out insurance, preparing for 22 credits, dreading 22 credits, crying anytime someone tells us they don't want us to go, praying we make all the right decisions, hoping we will survive, hoping we choose the right place, hoping to start a family and dealing with family stresses that is how i feel right now.

life is so hard. and so wonderful.