Today, after a series of circumstances that left my face flushed & my hands shaking, I literally had to get up & leave my desk for about 5 minutes to catch my breath & calm myself down. This has never happened to me before and it wasn't any one's else's fault. It was mine. All of the stress & all of the annoyance was because of me, because I let myself get annoyed. I let myself get flustered.
All of it was caused by the fact that I have NO patience.
Patience. The number one thing on my list of qualities I don't posses & wish I did. I can't figure out why I can't cultivate this trait. I can't figure out why I have so little of it. I want results. Immediately. I want everything done NOW, not later. I want you to immediately know what I mean after I explain it once, not twice. Give me that jar because I can open it quicker, that broom, because I can sweep it up faster. I end up doing everything, because I am too impatient to let someone else do it for me. Too impatient to delegate. Everyone else takes too long.
Why am I like this???
Sometimes, G & I will be talking about different activities and he will say, "You would hate this because it takes too long" or "Jess, you really don't have the patience to do it". And he is always right.
And by the way, how ironic is it that I married a man with miles & miles of patience? He can paint a wall & do it right, start to finish, even if it takes 47 hours. He can sit in the back yard for 20 minutes & watch the pups "sit & stay". For 20 minutes, people!! Just stand there & watch them...making sure they don't move a tiny muscle. My limit is 5 minutes. I can watch them stay for 5 minutes and then I am out of there. I can answer one question & then I am slitting my wrists, repeat myself once before I am banging my head against my desk.
I guess that just comes with the territory of marrying your polar opposite. G is everything I am not. He is every good quality I don't posses. Every subject I don't understand. Every song I don't know. And I always knew that about him, too. I think that's why I fell in love with him so quickly. I recognized that here was this person who represents everything I wish I were better at. Who fills in all the holes I can't fill in myself.
I wish I were more like my husband.
I wish I wasn't in such a hurry. I wish I didn't expect so much from myself & from others. I wish I could answer 8 million questions in a row without rolling my eyes or running out the door & straight into on-coming traffic.
Patience.
Does anyone have some they can spare?
Hi Jess.. Maybe all you need is a little more appreciation of who you are. If everyone in the world were patient, maybe nothing would ever get done! Although it is a great quality to have.. it certainly is not a bad thing to not have it! I think it's more important to understand your strengths and pursue those.. So, if you can't sit and watch the dogs sit for 20 minutes, let Greg do it! And, if something has to be done quickly, greg can let you do it! The two of you can do anything with your polar opposite traits! Isn't life great?
ReplyDeleteJess. I am with you. Remember how my nick name for Wes is Eeyore? Cause he's never in a rush, doesn't let anything bother him or his schedule, always patient and... totally opposite of me. I just try to tell myself that maybe i have good qualities he lacks... but i have yet to find any that matter. GUESS I GOT LUCKY! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are so cute. I've never noticed you are impatient. Hey... you sit through 3 hours of church, you blog, you go on walks... those are all things that require patience.
ReplyDeleteJess, don't be so hard on yourself - you are a good person. You should go back and read or watch Pres. Uchtdorf's talk from the Women's Conference on Saturday. It's a great reminder.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to say I'm still voting for you as a good person. If you're not, I'm not.
ReplyDelete20 minutes looking at dogs sit?! You can tell him he's crazy.
I feel like my patience is -this- big and yet I hear all the time from people, "Oh, you are SUCH a patient person!" These people are wrong. You pretty much wrote about me.
Funny funny as always. You're a really good writer.