slightly more than half.

first of all, thanks for all the advice! i'd already talked to my mom & cousin, but apparently i need a lot of reassurance! and you guys gave it to me. we are tweaking the schedule today. i'll be back to report.

secondly, this video is hilarious! and i dedicate it to my husband and my brotha, jon, who like to claim that babies are created entirely by the men and women just serve as a means of transportation. obviously, not the case. but this cute nerd says it better than i can!

let's have a momversation, shall we?

The tiny misses and I have hit a road bump. And I want answers! So if you have the answers, please read on...

Ev likes to sleep. And usually putting her to sleep is easy peasy. Swaddle, binky, soother and goodbye.  I leave while the soother is still lullaby-ing and she falls asleep all on her own, the little love. In the past, she took 3 naps a day; one 2 hour nap and two 1 1/2 hour naps. And she woke up happy. And I was happy. And we all lived happily ever after.

Except now, that's not happening. For the past few weeks the little dear will not stay asleep. She still falls asleep on her own just fine, but 40 minutes later, she's up and she's sad. Sometimes I can get her to fall back asleep by repeating the binky/soother step, but sometimes, not so much. And I question if that's what I should be doing? Should I continue going in to comfort her and turn her sleep items back on or leave her on her own to fall back asleep by herself, even if she's crying? If I go in every time to help her sleep again am I just reinforcing the idea that she can't fall asleep without the binky/soother combo? Do I take those away? That seems a little harsh (it's not like I'm nursing her to sleep or anything-can't she have her bink and seahorse?!)

And why is she waking up in the first place?! Girlfriend is a good sleeper, she sleeps 10 solid hours at night without a peep, so why all these issues during the day? Do I assume it's a hunger problem? Could it be that my milk is running low and she wakes up super early from her nap because she is hungry? Does that mean I should get her up and feed her? Could it be a growth spurt?

Do I keep our schedule the same and continue to try to get her to go back asleep and hope she grows out of it or do I drop a nap and start trying to just do 2 naps a day (that's what my Mama says) instead of 3. I'm not sure how to make that work, because we have been on a eat/play/sleep cycle since day 1 and she consistently gets tired and fussy 2 hours after her feedings.

Pretty much, I'm just confused. How about you just tell me what to do, okay?! Ready, set, go...

happy mother's day!

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."
- Abraham Lincoln

to be your mother.

Dear Evie,

Last year, on Mother's Day, I missed you.

I tried to think about everything I had to be grateful for. I had my own Mother, who acted as best friend, cheerleader and confident. I had my sweet Mother-in-law, who brought such goodness and warmth into my life. I had our families, our siblings, our friends. And, best of all, I had your Dad. I had our funny dogs, our sweet moments, our little life together; the life we'd spent 3 years creating. That life was much different from our lives now. We stayed up late on the weekends watching movies and eating bowls of ice cream. Saturdays were for sleeping in and having adventures. We went on dates. Lots of dates. Anytime we felt like it, really. We cooked together in the kitchen, taking our time and wasting away the evening. We went for walks as the sun was setting. We focused on each other. And it was a good life, a sweet life.

But still, I missed you.

I missed you most in the middle of the night as I tried to fall asleep. Sometimes I would wander into the living room to look out over the city, to watch the quiet dance of traffic lights pulsing in the distance. I watched life continuing, even in the darkness. It was in those silent moments spent all alone, that I felt your absence the most. Despite everything, despite all we had created together, I felt a dull ache inside, because we hadn't yet created you.

I didn't know who you were yet. I didn't know that you would have blue eyes and long fluffy hair the color of sunshine. I couldn't picture your round tummy, your tiny fingers and nose. I couldn't imagine your lips, the shape of them, or the way they would mirror my own. I couldn't see you yet, couldn't hear the sound of your laughter. I didn't know your name.

But still, I missed you.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and tonight I'm looking out over the city in just the same way. I can see those same lights twinkling vibrantly, I feel the familiar pulse of another day coming to a close. I still love the quiet, love the time to think and I still come to this place to think of you. But now, everything is different than before.

Now, I know your name. Now, I can hear the sound of your little voice and watch your eyes light up as you laugh. I know the shape of your pudgy little body, I've studied the dimples on your hands and clipped the nails on your tiny toes. Now, I get to rock you to sleep in the darkness and wake up to your sunshine every morning.

Now, the ache is gone.

I am your Mother and you are my Evie.

And we don't have to miss one another anymore.

so, bubba.

Today is your birthday!
I know. What?

The vet just informed me of this, via email. Gosh that Vet is on top of things, isn't she?! I love that Vet. Do you remember that one time you had an ear infection and so I took you to see that Vet and she proceeded to pull black, goopy, bloody infected hairs from your ears in order to save your life? And you winced in pain and I cried out  "No! Not my precious Bubba! Take me, instead!" and then proceeded to faint in her office because of the whole ordeal?

That was pretty heroic of me, no?

And remember that one time you got attacked by an evil dog in my parent's front yard and I almost died of a broken heart? Do you remember how I fell to the ground in a heap of pathetic tears & cried out "don't die, Bubba Boy!!" And then I got home and proceeded to write the cheesiest post in the entire world.

Except you didn't die. You lived. Remember?

Anyways, "Happy Birthday Jack!" the email said. And for a split second I was like, who is Jack?!

I then I remembered, you're Jack. Jack Bauer Olsen, to be exact. Except you're not. You're Bubba. You're my poop-eating machine. You're needy as hell. You're jealous of Evie and yet, you secretly like Evie. You're fat. You're ridiculous. You're sweet. If I died you would guard my smelly body for the rest of your life.You're my gosh darn dog. And apparently you're 4!

Remember when you were my one and only true love? Remember when I rocked you and held you and pretended you were a baby? Remember when I thought I couldn't live without you?

Yah, me neither.
Wait, what??

What I meant to say was Happy Birthday Bubba Boy!
Do you really think you'll live to be 15? I mean, I don't really think that's necessary, do you? 10 sounds like a long and full life to me, but whatever.

We love you!
Sometimes.
When you're clean.

10 things for your monday.

10 things {currently making me happy this morning}

01. The fact that I was dressed, beautified and ready to go by 9am this morning (is that sad?)
02. The dead ants all over my house that I am constantly vacuuming up. Because, well, at least they aren't alive this time around!
03. The fact that tights to church is no longer a necessity.
04. 60-70 degrees and sunny this week! What the what?
05.The fact that I ran out of conditioner this morning.
06. Sunrise bars from Costco
07. Impending nuptials
08. Talking about planning a getaway with the G.
09. Recently born babies and soon-to-be-born babies.
10. The Royal Wedding on DVR. Yes, I admit. I got sucked in.

Happy Monday to you!

blue.

in other news, are you watching the royal wedding?!
i've got it set to record, but i hear it's 6 hours long, so i make no promises.

lessons in motherhood.

01. an office chair that swivels is just as useful as a rocking chair when calming a fussy baby.
02. and when said baby falls asleep in your arms it is best to avoid eating crackers. unless they're 'sweet home sour cream & onion' crackers and then it's worth it.
03. it's also worth it if nursing makes you so hungry you can now eat more than your husband who is 9 inches taller than you.
04. so if that's the case, then just chew quietly.
05. except it's not really possible to chew a cracker quietly so you should probably just stop eating them.
06. it is also not possible to capitalize while holding a sleeping baby in a swivel chair and eating crackers and typing one-handed at the same time.
07. also, typing one-handed takes a really long time and probably isn't worth it.
08. come to think of it, you should probably just set the baby down already and get out of the swivel chair.
09. unless your baby is as sweet and adorable and squish-able as mine...
10. then don't.

the end.

ladies who laugh.

This video G took of us is making me so happy right now. She's starting to laugh and I can't get enough.

dear life.

Dear Stinker Woman: Remember the days when nothing could stand in the way of you and your beloved naps? Remember how I would lay you down, kiss your mouth a few times, turn on your soother and LEAVE? Remember that? And you would close your blue eyes and snooze for an hour or two? Remember?! What happened?!

Dear Eyeballs: If my baby sleeps 10 hours at night why do I constantly feel like you're going to FALL OUT?

Dear Boobs: Am I still nursing in the middle of the night without even realizing it? Do I just sleep walk through the whole thing?! I am really starting to wonder because the exhaustion I feel every morning has got to be caused by something.

Dear G: I can't believe you got up at 5am to run this morning.Was it worth it?? I never want to come with you.

Dear Snickers eggs: How is it possible that you each contain 150 calories? How is it possible that I ate 4 of you this morning? How is it possible that you taste so good?

Dear May: You better provide sunshine and warmth or I am boycotting Spring all together. Seriously, this is a joke. And tell your buddy, April, that we're pissed.

Dear Target: Why do you have the ability to suck all of the money out of my wallet and send me home with a cart full of things I don't really need. I need to get over you.

Dear Royal Wedding: Just happen already!

Dear J bubba: I don't know why you swallowed a fly. Perhaps you'll die.

Dear Monday: Mondays are for suckers.