st. petersburg, russia.

Greg and I have been home from our trip to Russia for a few weeks now, so I thought I better get my act together and finally post some of our pictures. This trip was quite the experience, one that I am so fortunate to have had, but I definitely won't be packing my bags and moving to Russia anytime soon. In so many ways, it was much cleaner, nicer, and more beautiful than I expected. In others, it was a huge culture shock (the language barrier was brutal, most people weren't terribly warm and I was yelled at/scolded by locals on more than one occasion. Russia didn't like me much, but I'll get over it ;) 

I was pretty intimidated about making the 24 hour trek across the world all by myself and completely heartsick over leaving Evie for the very first time. I cried and cried and cried when I put her to sleep the night before I left and I cried in the airport waiting to board my flight to New York as well as a few times during the next day of travel. I blame my pregnancy, no sleep and a few run-ins with not-so-nice people  (getting lost in the New York City airport and an almost 6 hour layover in the Amsterdam airport probably didn't help things much, either), but when I finally stepped off my flight in St. Petersburg, made my way through customs, found my luggage and saw that cute guy of mine waiting for me in the crowd, I was so relieved to finally see a friendly face I about died. And I told him I am NEVER doing that again. Never, ever, thanks.

This was a school trip for Greg, so most of his days were dedicated to his MBA classes, and I wasn't quite sure if I would end up having anyone to tour with during the day, but I won the lottery and met another wife, Ali, who made my trip so much more fun. We made plans to meet in the lobby the morning after I arrived and it took about 5 minutes before we were laughing and talking like we'd known each other all our lives. 

Most of my days were spent touring around with Ali while Greg went to class and then we would meet up with our husbands for dinner and more exploring. It doesn't get dark this time of year in Russia until around 12:30am, so it was easy to stay out really late and super hard to fall asleep at night. Besides the quick afternoon nap I'd usually sneak in before dinner we hardly stopped or slept at all (so much for all the sleeping-in I was dreaming of doing! I was up every morning at 4 or 5am and wide awake. Thanks, jet lag!)

St. Petersburg was so much prettier than I expected it to be, with gorgeous canals and bridges running through the city and historic architecture. Here's a glimpse of what we saw...

Greg at Peterhof Palace before I arrived. This place was so amazing!

The first day Ali & I went to the Hermitage Museum. The place was HUGE and I am fairly certain we didn't see everything we were supposed to, but when every manual and sign is in Russian you kind of have to wing it.

Posing by the water after touring the museum on the first day.

There was an authentic Russian restaurant right across the street where Greg took me after he picked me up at the airport and where we went again with friends. The highlight of this place is the Russian waitresses who dance every hour. Really cute girls, pretty dancing and lots of drooling men. Good times! I ordered beef stroganoff every time we ate here.

And another dish at the restaurant- Russian crepes, which are totally Norwegian pancakes like it aint no thing! G was in heaven. I chose to order other things since I already have to get to eat these on a weekly basis at home.

I snapped this pic walking back to the hotel and you should know it was about 10:30pm at the time.

Pretty canals all throughout the city

The next day, Greg only had class until 10, so we headed to the Church of Christ on spilled blood and then to the market to buy souvenirs. I still don't know a thing about this church, but isn't it amazing?

That night, we had a really fun dinner with a big group of students and Greg tried a Russian delicacy- borscht. I am shocked to tell you this weird looking soup is actually completely delicious.

You eat it with nibbles of raw garlic!

And my meatballs and potatoes. I should have ordered the stroganoff! (for the 3rd night in a row).

The gang at dinner. Nerdy grad students + Ali & I ;)

I found this bill amusing. Dinner wasn't cheap! ;)

The exchange rate was so confusing to me - I don't think I ever figured it out. Dividing by 30 in your head just doesn't come easily to all of us!

The husbands insisted upon pictures in front of this building & Ali and I laughed because none of us even knew what the building was. I still can't tell you. But here we are posing with it on the walk back to the hotel.

Ali & Brandon

And this is our hotel lobby. A burger from the room service menu at this hotel cost almost $40.

The next day, we took a boat ride out to Peterhof Palace with some of the other girls. This place was gorgeous and touring the inside was so much fun (we weren't allowed to take pictures of the rooms, but I'm betting you can google!). The only bad part of the day was almost getting trampled to death by the pushy Russian women standing behind us and people butting us in line 4,000 times.

A terribly unflattering photo of my pregnant self, but Ali looks cute. Here's a fun tidbit: I had NO IDEA I was expecting twins on this trip (although I was seriously starting to wonder how big the baby I was carrying was going to be when I finally delivered it) and assumed there was just one baby in there. That's why I look so happy and carefree. Just kidding. Sort of.

 

On the last day, the program hosted a "partner's weekend". Ali & I went on a bus tour and boat tour and then met up with the husbands and the rest of the program for a fancy dinner on the water. Despite the fact that the dinner was on a boat, I was sea-sick and we were sweating our lives away with no a/c (it was all really funny and we spent most of the night laughing, you should know), it was great way to end the week in St. Petersburg.

 

 Ali has a great fashion blog, check it out here.

Cobblestone roads. Cute. Painful.

Next up, Greg and I took a 5am train-ride through the countryside (I think it was countryside, I slept the whole way) to Moscow. More on that, later!

twenty weeks.

I will admit, the shock of finding out I am carrying twins has yet to lift. Throughout the day my thoughts range anywhere from excited to terrified to overjoyed and back to terrified again. I think I am most worried about the logistics of it all. I can't wrap my head around actually caring for THREE BABIES at the same time (Yes, Evie will almost be two when they come, but let's get real, almost two is pretty much still a baby).

Every time I do anything with Evie I wonder if we will ever do it again after the twins arrive. We go to lunch and I think "never again". We wander through Target and I imagine how I could fit 2 car seats in the shopping cart plus wrangle a 1 year old? Even walks through the neighborhood seem pretty unlikely unless Evie is up for walking next to my double stroller the entire time (and Evie isn't even walking yet. Like, at all.)

Ev comes to me during the day and clutches my leg, reaching up for me to hold her and I think "What will I do when I have 3 little people reaching up for me? Who will I pick up first? Who will I hold and kiss and calm as the other two cry? And how will I ever decide?"

As with most things in life, I know it does me no good to wonder about any of this. It is impossible for me to imagine how I will navigate my new life when I haven't even caught a glimpse of it yet. I have to keep reminding myself that I will figure it out when I get there. By the time I have 3 little people all reaching up to be held I will be a completely different person with a completely different set of  mothering skills and I will have learned how to love them all at once.

At least that's what I hope. That's what I'm clinging to. For now.

In other news, want to see something really hilarious??

pregnant with Evie at 20 weeks / pregnant with the twins at 20 weeks

This makes me laugh. 

 

Hahahahahaha ha ha ha. HA.

Also, cry.

more.

Yesterday, after just returning home from our big trip to Russia (more soon!) we made our way to the hospital down the street to check on this baby of ours and find out the gender.

Evie's hair was in a little blonde pony tail (because her hair fits easily in such things now, have I told you!?) and she surprised me by throwing up in the car on the way over. I couldn't help but remember my big 20 week ultrasound with her back in the summer of 2010 and how I threw up in the car on the way there, too (because of nerves, and pregnancy, and a belly that was filled with way too much water).

I was worried as we sat in the waiting room. Ultrasounds make me nervous now. I had few happy ones during my pregnancy with Evie and far too many that left me sick to my stomach and hot with fear. Greg fed Ev animal crackers as she wiggled around in his lap and I filled out the form in my lap and he told me that everything would be just fine.

I don't know quite what I was expecting when the goop was spread onto my belly and the lights were dimmed. Well, yes I do, I was expecting a boy. I was expecting one little squirming lover in my stomach and I was hoping and praying for  a healthy pregnancy.

Which is why, when the monitor showed two little heads, two little bodies and two tiny footprints, I was completely and totally floored.

Now, it's early morning and I am wide awake, which is unlike me in every way. Greg and I both woke up at 4am thanks to jet-lag and quietly ate yogurt, strawberries and toast together in the kitchen as the sun made its way outside our windows.

We can't help but think of everything we have to worry about now. We have to move. We have to buy twice the new baby supplies we were expecting. We have to put Evie in a big girl room and try to keep her little world happy and secure despite major change coming her way. We need new cribs. We need a new car. I am already half way through my pregnancy and these babies will be here before Christmas, before Thanksgiving...just after the Autumn leaves fall.

I can't help but feel like I can't keep up. This pregnancy came faster than we were expecting and now it is going to rock our world in ways we didn't even imagine.  I will have 3 children under the age of 2 (for a few months, at least). I will be driving an SUV and attempting trips to the grocery store that will inevitably end in tears and surviving life with a busy little two year old and two tiny newborns who all want nothing but me.

And then I think about my sweet Evie asleep in the other room. She is my dream come true. She is everything I prayed for and so much more. She was in every thought I had and every word I spoke while we were apart. I love that little person. I love being her mother. Everything with her has been better than I expected. She has filled me up with sunshine and stretched my heart to capacity and really, how can I be anything but elated to feel that way about two more.

This is going to be hard. I know that. I can feel that. But, I have done hard things before. Getting pregnant the first time around was hard, and carrying little Evie to term was hard and being hospitalized and on bed-rest was unbearably hard at times, too. I can do hard things. I have my sweet husband and a wonderful family and I have proved myself wrong before.

I think back to the Jessica of 2009 and how I wish I could whisper all of this in her ear. She spent too much time worrying about babies that never seemed to come. She spent too much time doubting herself and her dreaming up worst-case-scenarios that never came to be. If only she had known. If only she had the perspective that (of course) came with time. "Keep going" I would tell her, "Be happy", is what I would say. That is still what I will tell myself now as I panic and celebrate and brace myself for a new life, all over again.

Keep going. Be happy. Have faith.
The best (and worst!) is yet to come.

 two little heads

 Baby B - BOY

 Baby A - GIRL

Due December 3, 2012!

the rest of the story.

We finally got an external hard drive and I am in the process of transferring all of our pictures off of this computer. Doing so made me realize that I never finished blogging about our London adventures and, for some reason, I just couldn't remove all of those pictures without finish those posts for our little family history first. So, today I finally got it done.

In case your interested in seeing the last few (Mom!) they are here, here and here.

And now I am feeling so nostalgic and wishing badly to go back or even live there someday. How I loved that glorious city.

pool day.

we celebrated the beginning of summer this weekend with dinner at red rock brewery (their horseradish mashed potatoes make me salivate), car-washing in the driveway, pasta primavera at home, berry cobbler with vanilla ice cream and an afternoon at the pool.

just as she was last year, this little lady is in love with the pool. now, if i could only figure out how to keep her warm enough in the water, i'd be a happy mama (she still seems happy as can be, but she is so skinny and tiny, she turns purple after 10 minutes or so. ideas, mamas?)

between our new pool pass here downtown and my grandma's friday swim days we are looking forward to spending most of the summer just like this. now, who wants to join us?!

change.

i spent the majority of tonight straightening and fluffing and photographing my nest so my in-laws (who own this home) can get it listed in the next few days.

our downstairs neighbors, and dear friends, are busy packing and getting ready for their big move across the country early next week. i remember the day they brought their baby girl home from the hospital and ryan banged on the ceiling to tell me i should come down and see her. now, she is 3.

tonight, i laid on my bed and watched the setting sun through my windows and felt so sad about all of it. normally, i love change. i get bored easily and a new place or a new job or a new view is welcomed and refreshing. this time, i only feel sad.

i love this home more than any place greg & i have shared together. we brought our first baby home through these doors and we grew the most as a family and as individuals inside this space. we have dear friends and great memories. the house is full of twinkling lights and sunshine and everything i love.

i will miss it so, so much.

month sixteen.

dear janie girl,

you are sixteen months old! how i have loved and cherished these last 16 months of getting to know each other. i cannot imagine my life without my happy, smiley, sweet, little evie jane.

at sixteen months old, you are still a feather of a baby, who isn't even on the charts when it comes to weight. you are skinny and long and, surprisingly, a great little eater 99% of the time. you like cheese and ham and veggies and fruit and you love milk, especially with carnation instant breakfast in it.

at sixteen months old, you still aren't walking. part of me knows that you are just stubborn, like i am, and you don't want to do it until you can do it right. for the past few months even walking with mom and dad's help frustrates you to death and i think you don't like to try it because you aren't good at it yet. we will keep trying to encourage you even though you seem to be content to just crawl forever. you are teaching me patience as i try to deal with a toddler who wants to be a toddler, but still has the gross motor skills of a baby. we'll get there.

at sixteen months old, you are a talker! you mimic every word i say and are getting really good at repeating words after carefully watching my mouth say them. you regularly say mama, dada, nana, jack, hi, okay, no, yes, and your newest word is baby. i love listening to you talk up a storm all day long and respond to the questions i ask you. "did you have a good nap, evie?" "ya!" "do you want to go bye bye?" "no!". you crawl around the house all day yelling "jack!!!" (which sounds like "aaaaccckkk!") until jack comes to wherever you are. you also love to talk about animals and make animal sounds. you can moo like a cow, neigh like a horse, bark like a dog and quack, quack, quack like a duck.

at sixteen months old, you are social. you are the friendliest little girl who loves to wave and smile at strangers, laugh along at people's jokes and be the center of attention. you are so animated and just watching you play by yourself is hilarious at times. you are still very independent and you don't seem to mind who is with you as long as you get to play. i shouldn't say this, but i kind of cherish the moments when you aren't feeling well, or when you fall down and get hurt because those are some of the only times you are really clingy to your mama. in those moments, i love holding you and rubbing your back and knowing that you need me, because other than that, i can barely catch you and scoop you up for a quick hug and kiss before you're off to the next thing. you have your own little agenda each day and you are so busy.

at sixteen months old, you love to kiss everyone goodbye (on the lips!), wave, give high-fives, touch pointed fingers together and play hide and seek. you laugh hysterically any time i startle you and you live to go outside and play on the front lawn or dig in the rocks.

you love your dad and you talk about him all day long. anytime my phone rings, your face lights up and you say "dadda!", if you hear a car pull into the driveway or our iron gate open and shut you shout out "dadda!". yesterday, i took you home in the middle of church for a quick nap and then brought you back for sacrament meeting. it had only been an hour since you'd seen him, but when we slid into the bench next to dad, it was like you couldn't believe you got to be together again. you hugged and kissed him and hugged and kissed him right on the lips over and over again until your little heart was content.

evie, you are so special. that is what i tell you each night before i put you to bed. you can never know how happy you have made us or how much we adore you. you are so full of life and enthusiasm and happiness and you just light up everything around you. life is so good with my very own sunshine baby by my side.

i love you so much.

love,
mama

you can find us at the park.

digging in the sand box, more specifically.

the difference between you and me.

the other day i decided to be a hero and pick up some cupcakes on the way home from the pool. you know, from the sweet tooth fairy. for g, naturally. i picked red-velvet for me and salted caramel for him, plus a whole bunch of cake-bites for good measure. the whole car ride home those cake-bites taunted me from their little plastic cup holder thing and promised me a lifetime of happiness if i'd just take a bite. by the time we arrived home 10 minutes later, each one had been sampled and declared to be very delicious.

when g got home from work that night my red velvet was half way gone. and now riddle me this: how does one avoid eating a red velvet cupcake when a red velvet cupcake is staring you in the face, because i surely don't have a clue. i forced myself to save the other half for the next day and i must have walked past that cupcake 57 times in the next 12 hours examine it's moistness and sniff it's frosting and promise we'd be together soon.

the next morning, i ate it for breakfast.

meanwhile, g didn't touch his salted caramel. he barely batted an eye when i reminded him of it after dinner. "there is a cupcake waiting for you!!" i told him and he smiled his half smile and nodded his norwegian head and went and whipped himself up another gosh darn green smoothie.

and now this is where i wonder about that man of mine. i mean, what is wrong with him!? i felt seriously concerned about him all night. should i have taken his temperature??

the next day that salted caramel cupcake continued to taunt me from the kitchen table. there it was all chocolatey and caramely and salty and just waiting for someone to take a bite. but friends, i didn't touch it! i am so proud and partly horrified to tell you that cupcake sat on our counter for 2 days before my husband even bothered to crack open the case and give it a sniff. TWO STINKING DAYS!

finally, last night, i couldn't take it anymore. "eat your freaking cupcake!!!" i demanded! and so we put the baby to bed and settled in and he made his way to the kitchen, unwrapped the little beauty and brought her out to the living room on a white plate. "it's happening!!" i yelled, "wait! i am taking a picture!" and that was the part where he threatened to turn back and crush all my hopes and dreams if i made a big deal out of this (blogging doesn't count as making a big deal, just fyi).

g took the first bite and had virtually no reaction. i took the second and wanted to die. it was moist and creamy and rich, with a bed of caramel frosting on top and just the right amount of salt. it made my heart go pitter-patter. it made my mouth water. it made my life make sense.

i snuck one more bite before i returned it to him and then he polished it off, wiped his hands on his napkin and pushed play on the remote.

"well?!" i begged.
"it was good" he declared, "it was fine."

and now this is the moment where i really fell in love with that norwegian of mine. also, the moment where i realized i don't have a clue what goes on in that head of his. i mean, good and fine?! after two days of waiting? GOOD AND FINE.

i will never understand that boy i married. he who says no to dessert and cares deeply about the quality of the socks on his feet and LOVES TO MOW THE LAWN. he is such a mystery to me sometimes! i will love him 'til i die!