evie turned two.

A few pictures from Evie's little birthday party at the beginning of the year. She was such a happy little birthday ham this year and loved the attention. We sure do love you, Evie Jane! I hope you had a magical birthday.

 

congrads.

HE. IS. DONE!

Our entire family of five is so thrilled and overjoyed and relieved that Greg is finally finished with his MBA from Duke University! The past almost two years of school have been a whirlwind as Greg has traveled all over the world and studied like a maniac into the night after work each day.

Meanwhile I was busy being a single Mom, and then being a single and pregnant Mom, and finally, a single Mom pregnant with twins. I mean, he definitely had a lot on his plate, but I felt like I deserved a diploma or something, too ;)

In all seriousness, Greg is one of the hardest workers I've ever known. His ability to balance a demanding job, growing family, and one of the top MBA programs in the country truly amazed me. He is determined and disciplined and so smart. He accomplished everything he set out to do, and we couldn't be more proud of how well he did it all. I remember a few years ago when we were trying to decide if and where he would get an MBA--and how the hell we would survive the experience if he did decide to go--I never could have imagined how the time would fly and how much our family would be blessed throughout the experience. Evie grew from a baby to a toddler, we added 2 new family members, and somehow, despite all the stress, we managed to come out stronger and happier than before.

Congratulations, Greggor! Your family loves you too much!

(A few pictures from his graduation party)

PS. Places visited:

SHANGHAI, CHINA
LONDON, ENGLAND
DUBAI, UAE
NEW DELHI, INDIA
ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA
DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA

will & nora: month three.

Dear mister Will and darling Nora,

You will be 3 months old next week! When your big sister was a baby I had all the time in the world, it seemed, to write her poems and love letters and novels about her babyhood, but you, my little loves, get bullet points. Please don't take this personally. It's just that I have 3.4 minutes until Evie is up from her nap and you guys need to be fed again and this diet coke won't stay fizzy forever, so...

YOU! AT 2 and a half MONTHS!

WILL:

• You have a calm spirit about you and a content little heart. You don't cry unless you have gas and the minute your gas is gone, your smile returns. You are happy and sweet and easy to take care of.
• You sleep anywhere from 7-9 hours at night! Thank you for that! Between you and Nora you always wake up first.
• You have the worst skin, but your dad takes care of it really diligently (I think he feels bad, you got it from him) and we are starting to see it improve. Daddy covers you in our special skin concoction every night like its his job. For what it's worth, having his skin won't be all bad, your Dad also never had acne, so...
• You are a great little eater and putting on weight really fast. You have a big, round belly and chubby little thighs. You eat 4 ounces of moms milk every 3 hours.
• You got circumcised a few weeks ago, at age 2 months and holy cow, I am sorry about that. You, of course, will never remember it, but as for me it is burned on my skull forever. You sweet little boy, I'm glad it's over.
• You belch and fart all day long and then smile like a proud little man. You are ALL BOY.
• You get stressed out when you're laying too close to Nora. She, on the other hand, loves to snuggle with you. I can tell that she loves you so much and it's the sweetest.
• You are trying really hard to suck your thumb and end up sucking your hands all the time.
• You are grumbly!! The loudest breather in the world, with a bit of strider still. 
• You hate it when I eat eggs and will cry and cry until they're out of my system and yours. Needless to say, once I figured that one out, I said goodbye to them altogether. When you were born you had a sensitive little tummy and spit up a lot, but you are improving every day.
• You look nothing like me and everything like your Dad, you lucky little boy. He can't wait to teach you to play soccer and snowmobile and he hopes you'll talk politics with him someday, too. Thanks for coming into the world and giving him a son.

Will, you are the cutest. THE CUTEST! You have the sweetest little round head and the brightest eyes and your head is now covered in the most gorgeous, thick hair. When you smile at me I melt into a puddle on the floor. Seriously. Your dad has to come and wipe me all up, because I am oozing with adoration for my little Will. I never expected to fall so hard for a baby boy the way I have fallen for you. But now, I get it. We have something special, you and me. I love you, William. To the moon.


NORA:

• You are the perfect combination of feisty and sweet. When you are happy you have the cutest smile on planet earth, and when you are hungry or mad you are REALLY hungry and mad. You cry the second you want to be fed and you don't like to be put off by even a minute.
• Your skin is like silk, the complete opposite of William. I love to rub your soft cheeks against mine and stroke your little hands. Like silk, I'm telling you!
• You have the sweetest expressions and you smile in your sleep. Your eyes are big and round and always curious.
• You love to lay under your mobile and look up at the toys. You smile and wiggle and kick your legs happily.
• You are STRONG. You already want to put weight on your little legs and stand up in my lap for minutes at a time. You can hold your head up now, too.
• You are either a great little eater, or an awful one. If we try to feed you before you are ready you just kind of lick the bottle and smile at us. You usually eat 3 ounces every 4 hours. You almost never burp.
• You love your brother. You love to be with him and cuddle him. You are such s little cuddle bug.
• You are such a good sleeper, just like Evie was. You sleep anywhere between 7-9 hours and you would probably sleep a bit longer, but I wake you up in the morning to eat when William eats. You have been sleeping through the night for a few weeks already.

Sweetest Nora, I love you! You will always be my special little miracle baby, the one who taught me so much about how to love and have faith and be the mother I need to be. I am so proud of my little Nora. You are so strong and feisty and BRAVE. Having you overcome NEC and come back home with us completed our family in every way. We were empty without our Nora. We missed you so, so much. Every day I have you here with me I feel so lucky you are mine and lucky to be your mama. You have been special, right from the start and I know you will continue to do great things with your life. I love you so.

Happy 2.5 months my sweethearts!

Love,
Mama

some moments.

some moments are so bad i want to cry.

but i don't. at least not often. and it's not because i'm brave or wonderful, but mostly because i am heartless. okay, not really. but also, kind of? i have developed this ability to sort of numb myself to outside stimuli and just carry on. two babies screaming plus one toddler trying to climb up my leg to be held?? first, binkies. then swaddle, soothers, white noise. pick up the toddler, turn on a movie, set her on your lap and stroke her hair until her breathing steadies and her body softens. the instructions come like marching orders and i move quickly and efficiently in my little palace of babies. i do as i am told.

some moments are so good i think i might burst.

like the mornings, when the world is soft and hazy and the babies slept through the night, again. i wake up before the sun rises and pump them their first bottles. unwrap their hot bodies and raise them, like limp fish, to my chest. they nuzzle and squirm and bring their tiny fists to their mouths to suck. i serve them up warm milk and stroke their fuzzy heads softly. i whisper and tickle and they coo in return. we smile at one another, under the glow of lamplight, the rest of the world still sleeping.

some moments i'm sure i can't do it.

in those moments, my fingers move at lighting speed sending off SOS messages and swear words of desperation to my husband or my mother on the other end. this is impossible! i write, there are too many of them! i say. but eventually the world stops spinning and little eyes close and i find a moment to look out the window and notice the shimmer of the snow in sunlight. evie is napping and nora is napping and will has decided to steal a moment with mama, all to himself. his big belly buldges from his little pants and his wide eyes follow mine pensively and i know, like i have always known, that he was made for me.

and that's the thing i feel strongest when my body collapses and my head hits the pillow at night. i mean, sometimes i'm sure i suck at this. some days evie won't eat a thing and nora is restless and i've had enough diet coke to charge a cell phone, and still these little people look at me like i'm the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky. i am covered in spit up and i haven't had a shower for days and yet, when i hold them, i can feel that i was meant for this.

i am doing it, even if i'm not always doing it well.

i mean shoot, you guys.
it's kind of wonderful. 

*a few of these pictures are from instagram where i insta the crap out of my life as @jessmolsen if you'd like to follow along.

you, at two.

Ev, I promise your hair looked perfect 5 seconds prior. You have a way of messing it up that is just unbelievable. It's a talent of yours, really.

To my Evie Janey, Evie baby, Evie girl, Boo-boo,

YOU ARE TWO! Here is a glimpse into little blonde, blue-eyed (with so much green/brown in one eye you almost have two different colored ones), tall, skinny, funny, happy little two year old YOU.

As a two year old you are BUSY. As a two year old you EXHAUST me! By the time your Dad gets home I can hardly see straight or think clearly, because all I can see or hear is YOU! You are LOUD! You are VIBRANT! You are EVERYWHERE! You are bursting with enthusiasm and joy and so much life. How I love, love, love that about you! Never lose your zest for life, sweet girl. Never lose your sparkle. You light up everything and everyone around you. You just SHINE.

As a two year old you are defiant. You don't like to hear "no". You give me a dirty look when I say it to you and you like to push the boundaries and attempt the behavior a few more times just to be sure I don't like it.  You find it interesting when you aren't supposed to do something, but that doesn't mean you aren't going to do it. I am ushering you out of my makeup drawer and away from the toilet (you like to dip your toys in it!) and out of my bedroom closet (etc, etc, etc) all day long. You love to surprise me. You love to be silly. You LOVE to sneak into the babies room when they are sleeping and run around in a circle in between their cribs loudly yelling "SHHHH, SHHHH, SHHHHH!!!!" until one of them inevitably wakes up. You can be a STINKER! You can be difficult. You are SO MUCH FUN.

As a two year old you are still a feather, but you are finally chunking up in a way that is noticeable. You always eat your breakfast, you usually eat your lunch and you rarely eat your dinner. You love blueberries and pita chips and ham and eggs. You eat your vegetables without complaint and have been known to want bites of my salad. You like yogurt with granola and pasta with red sauce and you LOVE Norwegian pancakes made by your Dad. Breakfast is the best time of day to load you up with the good stuff--you'll gladly have an omelet or a pancake, a waffle, some toast, fruit, bacon, orange juice-- you like it all and then it is pretty much down hill from there! You throw everything on the floor the second you're finished. And I mean the SECOND.

As a two year old you are adjusting to life as a big sister. And that's just the best way to describe it. It's an adjustment. I know it is hard for you to go from being an only child (and being doted on and obsessed over as only an only child is) to 1 of 3 children overnight. But you are handling it and I am so proud of you. Some moments you seem excited about your little siblings and you want to kiss them and pat them and point out their eyes and ears and noses and other moments are just jealousy. You have a hard time when I am feeding them. It lasts too long and you feel left out and will often sulk or act out during the process (your favorite is to throw something because it gets you immediate attention, albeit negative, you know I hate it.) I can't tell you how my heart breaks in these moments when I can tell you feel lost. I know you just want me--my adoration and love and full attention--and I feel so bad that I can't give it to you right then. I promise I am trying my best. I promise you we will figure this thing out. I am still yours heart and soul, girlfriend. Nobody loves you like I do.

As a two year old you are a TALKER! But not quite English yet. Lots and lots of gibberish with plenty of real words mixed in. You can repeat almost any word I say to you, but you aren't using these words to communicate in a way that makes sense just yet. Your vocabulary has taken a back seat to your walking these past few months (YOU FINALLY WALK- SING PRAISES!!) but you are still crazy excited to communicate and full of expression and tonality and hilarity. You never stop talking. Never, ever. Seriously, sweetheart, sometimes it would be nice if you would stop talking.

As a two year old you do things your own way. For the longest time everyone was worried about your walking. I took you to the physical therapist and I let them diagnose you and examine you and say this and that about you and meanwhile my heart always told me the same thing, "she will do it when she's ready". You just weren't ready. And then, one day, you just stood up and walked. It was as if you just decided it was time and now you were going to walk and what's the big deal (it happened the night before I had the twins, for the record). And now you walk. Now you RUN. You do things your own way. You march to the beat of your own drum. You have taught me so much about motherhood in the process. I learned to trust my gut and my intuition, because in my heart I knew it wasn't about your feet or your shoes or anything but YOU and your own belief in yourself. I knew you would get there in your own time, in your own way, and you did.

As a two year old you are fun! You are so happy and silly and man are you CUTE! You love Mickey and Minnie, baby dolls, books and any stuffed animal. You pat your babies backs and shush them to sleep. You read to yourself, pointing at the pictures and making up narratives and turning the pages like a little teacher. You love to watch movies, especially Tangled and Rio, and you dance like a maniac and sing "hey! hey! hey!" during the songs. You love to make movies with Mommy (I have a million videos of you just being a ham for the camera) and listen to music and wrestle and be tickled on the floor. You come and pat me playfully when you want me to tease you or chase you or play with you. You yell "MOOOOMMMMYYYYY!!" the second you wake up in the morning and cannot wait to start the day. You like play dough and Doc Mcstuffins and you'll still cuddle with me in the afternoons. You sleep with a ratty old piece of fabric known as your "sleep sack" and you still suck your thumb like a little lover and your eyelashes are longer than mine and you're just DARLING.

As a two year old I cannot imagine you being any cuter. I cannot imagine you being more fun or vibrant or funny or full of life. Mostly I just cannot imagine life without you.

You light up everything you touch, little one. You radiate sunshine and joy and you have made these past two years the best. Thank you for all of it, Evie Jane. We couldn't love you more. I'm telling you, sister, YOU ARE IT.

Love, 

Mama

will & nora: month two.

they linked arms like this all on their own, i swear. i have a witness!

If you get annoyed with Mothers who are obsessed with their children LOOK AWAY NOW because I am the most annoying Mom you'll ever meet. When I found out I was having twins at that 20 week ultrasound the emotion that I felt the strongest was FEAR. I was scared. So, so scared. I couldn't imagine it being fun. I couldn't imagine feeling anything but stress. And those feelings were irrational and magnified by shock, but I have to say that caring for these sweet little twins of mine has been a much happier experience than I expected it to be. It has been a pleasant surprise.

Don't get me wrong here. It is HARD. Some days I am certain I won't survive another hour. Some days I want to bang my head against the wall a few hundred times. It is so hard, so stressful, very monotonous, and very exhausting, but man oh man, DO I LOVE THEM.

And that's the thing I almost wasn't expecting. Although I knew that I would love them (of course I would!), when I found out there would be two of them I worried that the stress might trump the adoration. I worried the stress would overcome me and make it hard for me to feel anything else. And I am so lucky to say that's not the case. I am so happy to say that the love trumps the stress times a million. Their needs never end, I rarely sit down, the feedings are never-ending and I am so, so tired, but I also feel so lucky. I can't believe they are mine. I can't believe how much my heart has stretched to make room for them. I can't believe how cute they are, how sweet, how soft and tiny and precious and perfect.

I don't want this time to go too quickly. Because right now they are everything to this little family and more. This time we're having--this phase of life spent doing nothing but loving them and feeding them and wiping their tiny bums--It is impossibly tiring and so insane and one of the greatest challenges I've ever known.

It is also straight up MAGIC.

2 months old.

family picture sneak peak!

my friend lindsay (of lindsay hagblom photography) was so patient with our crazy family and wild evie and spent hours and hours to get all the shots i wanted. i cannot wait to see the rest!

christmas at the cabin, 2012.

Every year we go to the Olsen family cabin for a few days after Christmas. This year, with all the craziness that comes with twin newborns, we assumed we shouldn't go and planned to stay home for the weekend instead. However somewhere along the way Greg changed his mind and informed me we'd be going at about 10am on Saturday morning as he scrambled Evie's egg. I responding by texting him the list I keep on my phone of everything that's required to leave the house for more than 3 hours with 3 children under 2 and let him have at it (the list is AT LEAST 20 items long. I figured it would knock some sense into him, but he was feeling ambitious and I was feeling bored). 2.5 hours later we were on our way.

It was so nice to spend some time under a different roof and have help with the babies for a full 24 hours--Jennie and Margaret barely even let me hold them! I can't believe what a difference just one more person makes when it comes to managing my children. Maybe I'm just not good at it yet, but we're talking the difference between life and death. Sanity and suicide. I kid. But, it's huge.
 

It was a freezing, beautiful weekend at the cabin spent chatting by the Christmas tree and bundling up the kids to "play" in the snow (It was Evie's first time. She mostly cried). I'm finding I should never say never when it comes to what I will and won't do with 3 tiny kids in tow. We keep telling our families we won't be coming to this and that and then we get bored, get caffeinated and somehow show up after all. Sometimes I think my life might not actually be over. (wink)

I have taken this exact picture of Ty & Greg at least 10 times. I should compile all of them to prove it. They keep asking me to take it. You guys look SO COOL.

These babies. I am so in love. They are so worth it.