More words.

Today, my head swelled to the size of beach ball. And, believe it or not, it wasn't because of all the kind, thoughtful and encouraging comments all of you guys left me. Earlier this afternoon, a burning pressure began to build behind my eyes and then exploded into my brain, which left me so delirious, that by 4:00 someone dared to call me "Jessie" and I actually responded. Note to the universe: I HATE the name Jessie (unless I'm in 3rd grade-hi Mezz!)

I got home from work and immediately tried to go back to sleep. But, this funny thing always happens when I try to get some rest, MTV swoops in and decides to air some re-runs of "The Real World" or "America's Next Top Model" and I sit, mesmerized in front of the TV with blood-shot eyes and and a brain full of helium. Today, it was "Legally Blonde-The search for the next Elle Woods" that sucked me in. And the funny thing was, I didn't. Even. Like it.

So here I am, back at my computer. The same place I spent the last 9 mind-numbing hours. If I'm still alive by tomorrow, we will chalk it up to the 4 Ibuprofen & decongestants G lovingly fed me. That's right, people, you heard correctly. It takes 4 Ibuprofen (and sometimes an Excedrin Migraine). My Dad gave me his insomnia and my Mom gave me her migraines. Not a good combination, if I do say so myself. I forgive them, though, because they are the kind of people who will willingly spend their evening helping me plant flowers in the rain.

First of all, the comments. Let's talk about the comments, shall we? All I can say is thank you, thank you and THANK YOU for all of the encouragement and support all of you give me on a daily basis. Writing is something that eases my worries, feeds my soul and lifts my spirits. To know that someone, anyone, is actually ENJOYING what I am writing (especially when I choose to write pointless anecdotes) is heart-warming, to say the least. Thank you for reading and thank you for giving me a platform to ramble from. Up to this point, mostly everything I have written has been sarcastic, but I whole heartily look forward to the day when I can post something from a poetry journal and not immediately want to bury myself alive afterwards. I hope that someday I have the courage to do so.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a lyric junkie. I memorize the lyrics to a song almost instantly and I repeat them back to myself often. One of my favorite songs, "Breathe" by Anna Nalick, says the following:

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to

That song perfectly captures how I feel about writing.

Words, happy or sad; sarcastic or serious, sit like boulders in my gut. I pile them in one by one until my entire body aches with the load of them. Eventually, I have no choice but to open my mouth wide and spit them out, simply because I can't bear to carry the load any longer.

I love being able to spit them out here. Words connect us to each other in a way that nothing else can and I love that I can read your words and be reminded of my own. I love that I am not the only one who feels ridiculous sometimes, or boring and insignificant. I love that I am not the only one who feels lucky, or undeserving, or hopeful for the future. And I love that I am not the only one who feels the delirious overtaking of love, the aching pain of loss or the tingling joy of tomorrow.

So, thank you. Because your words mean something to me, too.


PS. The tree is named Petey.

You know you're aren't 20 anymore when you...

1)Get really, really, really, excited about a new vacuum cleaner. I mean, like, REALLY excited. And you leave it in your living room and do nothing but vacuum for 2 days straight. And you kind of want to call your friends and be like, "Hey! Guess what! We got this new vacuum and it never loses suction!", but then you realize that your friends are more interested in things like spring break & dancing on tables, and that they probably couldn't care less about your new vacuum cleaner, so you decide to blog about it instead. This is what my new vacuum cleaner looks like...And he NEVER looses suction. And I really wanted to name him Sammy Sosa, but then G said that normal 21 yr. old's don't name their vacuums. The home-run-hitter came in handy on Thursday when my sweet little fur-children decided to drag an ENTIRE TREE into my living room through their doggy door and rip it to shreds as a welcome home present for me. They placed the dirt and stick and rocks (Yes, i said ROCKS) all over the place just to show their love. And when I walked through the door, there they were covered in mud and proud as could be of their accomplishment. I wanted to laugh. And then cry. And then kill myself. But, I ended up sweeping, vacuuming and mopping instead. And then wishing I had taken a picture of the whole mess. It was pretty horrible. But, kind of funny, too. But, mostly really horrible.

2) You get really excited about all these new plants you bought for your yard. And you decide to ditch all of your really cool plans to stay home and look at your new plants. And you go out and buy yourself little gardening gloves and a tiny shovel to help your husband with the new plants. And you think about suggesting that we name all of the plants before we plant them, because wouldn't that be so awesome, but then you realize that was probably the stupidest thing you have ever said.

3) A kind friend gives you 100 dollars as a Thank-you gift and you decide to use it to buy a tree, instead of a new pair of jeans. A miniature Japanese maple something or other, to be exact. And you are so excited to see it planted that you make husband do it as soon as you get home, even though it's already dark. And you take a picture of your husband putting it in the ground. And then you realize that you are taking a picture of your husband planting a tree in the dark and you hope none of the neighbors see.4) And you suggest that we name the tree, and husband actually complies, because he, too, has lost his mind, And so the tree gets a name.

4) Speaking of pictures, you know you aren't 20 anymore when you take a picture of your husband installing a dog door.5) And then, you find yourself actually speaking the words, "That dog door changed my life". Out-loud. To actual people. Who aren't related to you by blood.

6) You know you aren't 20 anymore when your Mom asks you to babysit her dog while she goes away for a wild, adventurous weekend. And you sit at home all weekend and feed her dog her eye and thyroid pills.7) And then you fall asleep with her dog before 9 pm.That, my friends, is how you know you aren't 20 anymore. And you have, in fact, graduated to the ripe old age of 21.

Today.

I have always been someone who needs change.

If I stand in the same place for too long, I start to fiddle and twitch and wonder what it's like on the other side of the fence. If I'm in school, I want to be working. If I'm working, I want to be in school. If we rent, I want to own. If we own, I talk about how wonderful it was to rent. Surely the grass is greener on the other side. It's always greener, right?

Marriage hit me like a ton of bricks in that retrospect. Marriage, while exciting in it's own right, is a lot of the same. We go to work, we come home, we eat dinner across the table and I consistently rest my feet on top of G's. We watch our shows, we play with our dogs, we snuggle until we fall asleep. And then we get up and we do it again. And again. And again. And again. Until the weekend, when we like to switch it up a bit. Marriage...exciting, yes. Fun, yes. A lot of the same...YES.

During our first year of marriage, I spent a lot of time trying to counter act this repetitiveness. Before G, my life was dramatic, spontaneous, spur-of the moment, a little crazy. G was the calm to the huge storm I called my life. He had a stillness about him that I didn't. He made me feel a calmness that had never been part of who I was.

While having a conversation with friends the other day about marriage and being a newlywed and everything that comes with it, I came to the realization that I finally feel like I know what I am doing and I am really enjoying and savoring my everyday life. We spend so much time looking forward to change. If only I can get to this position, that phase of my life, this moment...that is when my life will really begin. I have wasted so much time dreaming about tomorrow, I forgot to savor today.

These past six months of my life have been amazing. And not because anything significant has happened, I am just really learning to love where I'm at. I am a young wife enjoying her first few years with her husband. I am a worker, a student, a friend, a companion. I am someone who goes to work everyday and does a lot of the same. I clean and re-clean my home because it just doesn't seem to stay clean, I go to bed at 10:30, because G has to get up at 6, I consistently fall more and more in love with my family everyday, I look up new recipes in my spare time, I watch the food network, I plan family night, I become more and more of a nerd.

And I love it.

There is nothing sweeter than falling asleep next to your best friend. Or coming home to 3 guys who can't wait to see you walk through the door. Or cooking a favorite dinner, because you know that he will appreciate it. There is nothing sweeter than scripture study across the table, or laughing at our inside jokes or a secret hand shake. There is nothing sweeter than watching movies in bed and chatting about nothing or teaching our dogs to roll over and shake, and never being so proud. There is nothing sweeter than this little life we have created, than our memories, our traditions, our moments. Just the two of us.

There is no where I'd rather be than here with G. With the person who makes me smile when I've had a hard day, or keeps things in perspective or cheers me on when I get an A on a paper. I love the way he lets me vent to him and knows that I just need a listening ear, not a solution, I love that he always sees the side of every situation that I don't. I love that I feel more complete when he is near me. I love that we have created this little life. Together. That in our short marriage, we have become more alike, and not more different.

I am finally learning to live in the now.

Someday, I'll be a mother. Someday, I'll be a college graduate. Someday, I'll have the job I've dreamed of. But right now, I am happy being where I am. In this moment.

Right now, I'm happy with today.

He's a whole new man...

In case you care, Jacky Bauer is sporting a new do these days. On Saturday, I decided to clip him (like I do every few months), but I got a little scissor happy and this happened:

BEFORE:
AFTER:

We love his new haircut because he is now softer and more huggable (if you thought that was possible), not to mention, now he seems a gazillion times cleaner.

If you see J, please don't laugh at his new haircut. He is feeling a bit self conscious with his new nakedness. Personally, I don't care what he looks like. He is my favorite little buddy, ever.

In case my list of 100 things didn't do it for you.

I've Been Tagged by Carlye...Lucky you!

Joys...
1. My blissful second year of marriage and darling G.
2. A new calling in my ward & a new job at work. Feeling refreshed.
3. A new pair of True Religions. (sorry, I'm shallow, but they are bringing me joy!)

Fears...
1. FAILURE.
2. Someone breaking into my house (although I have to say, I have matured in leaps & bounds over the past 5 months & am not nearly as scared as I used to be)
3. Upsetting anyone, disappointing anyone, failure, failure, failure.

Goals...
1. Graduate from College
2. Start running again
3. Spiritual goals

Obsessions/Collections...
1. I collect Thank you cards & Blank note cards, because I always seem to be using them.
2. I obsess over a clean house and nothing makes me happier.
3. I obsess over everything I eat.

Random Surprising Facts...
1. My fingernails are black right now.
2. The other day I woke up early enough for work, that I had time to watch an entire episode of Grey's Anatomy before I even got ready. (This will surprise anyone who has ever lived with me)
3. I sometimes buy baby clothes/supplies, even though I don't have a baby.

Please...Please...

Do not miss the season finale of The Office tonight! It is supposed to be "shocking" and I will need plenty of friends to discuss and re-discuss the Jam moments with. Are we going to get a proposal (i hope so), a promotion (possibly), a death (no!)?

Prepare to be shocked!

Jon is going to make fun of this post.

Dear little Toby & Jack Jack,

Thank you for always being happy to see me when I come home.


Even though I've left you alone for hours by yourselves,
and really, you should probably be mad at me.

Thanks for smushing your little monkey face against the window.


Everyone deserves to come home to a face like that.

And I am sorry that whenever I take a picture of you with my camera,
your eyes glow green and you look like an alien.

And I am sorry, Jack, that you sort of look like an alien anyways.
Don't listen to the people who call you ugly.


You are the cutest.

Thanks for thinking you are big...even though you are insanely little.

Thanks for that little face and those perfect paws.


I can't get enough of those paws.


Thanks for making me happy.
Even when I've had a really bad day.

Like today.


You guys were worth every penny.

Pictures...Finally!

Here are some pictures from Mother's Day this year, just in case you were wondering if I was ever going to post something with pictures again!

Mother's Day was such a great day and none of the things I cooked were disgusting, so it was a HUGE success! I can cook just fine for G, but as soon as you give me the pressure of cooking for someone else (especially my brothers-in-law) I get so nervous and screw up! But, everything survived the oven and turned out scrumptious.

I just have to say that the relationship Mo has with her uncles is unbelievable. She adores them. Mo got a little sore on her foot and she ran to Jon for comfort & guess what my brother did??? He kissed the sore! That's right, he kissed the bottom of her foot before he gave her a band aid. If that isn't love, I seriously don't know what is.

Molly, Jack & Toby are finally getting along. Molly is a grumpy old fart (but I love her, Mom!) and she didn't like the pups for a very long time...but she is finally starting to play with them. Here is the proof! Isn't K handsome??? I think so. And so do the ladies, for that matter.

My Mom really loved all of our presents and teared up several times. You really can't consider it a success unless you get her crying! Just kidding, Mom!

Speaking of my amazing Mom, she surprised Christy, Mo and I with these adorable aprons that she sewed. She couldn't wait to give them to us and teared up as she told us how much time and love had gone into them. We love her so much. She is so talented...everything she creates is just amazing. I have been wanting an apron for so long and love mine! I wore it last night as I cooked dinner and I felt way cooler.

Check out Morgan's apron, too, it is probably the cutest thing you will ever see.

I had to publish this picture of the backyard, because it means the return of badmitten 08! We all play badmitten in the backyard during the summer and I am so happy the net is finally going up!

Towards the end of the night, Mo asked G to bring her some chocolate milk and come watch Little Princess with her. They were so cute together..I'm glad I snapped a picture. She loves him and always notices if I come over to my parent's house without him.

I also just had to post this picture of my Mo & Andy. Aren't they so cute together? They look so much alike. He loves her so much and is such a great Dad.

Thanks Dad (that's right, my Dad cooked the whole meal -well, besides what Christy & I brought-) for the delicious dinner! We love you!

We had a great time..Times like these just make me so excited for the day when I will become a Mom. It feels like it is still millions of years away, but for now, I am enjoying the alone time with my handsome husband. We have so much fun together every day and he is constantly doing little things to make me smile. I am really enjoying this phase of our lives together.

For pictures of the Mother's Day events with G's family, check out Jennie's blog and thanks for still supporting me through my picture drought!

Oh, and by the way, YESSSSSSSSSS about Matt choosing Shayne! By the end of the finale I was seriously DONE with Chelsea. She bugs. It was the best Bachelor ending in a long time!

Happy Mother's Day!

10 things I LOVE about my Mom:

10. She is thoughtful. She never forgets to call if you've had a test, a doctor's appointment, or a bad day.
9. She always calls to check on my dogs. Usually several times a day, if they are sick or hurt. She adores them, which means so much to me.
8. She has a great sense of style. I have borrowed her shoes and jewelry my whole life. She can pull any outfit together and is the best shopping buddy you could ask for.
7. She is silly and has a great sense of humor. She calls our family a fam-dam and me, bozybon.
6. She makes everything she touches beautiful. There is no one who is more creative or more talented when it comes to creating anything or decorating. She has impeccable taste.
5. She loves my dad and sets a great example for me by taking the time with him she needs and deserves. She is quick to plan a date for them and tells us how much she loves him.
4. She makes every little event special. Holiday dinners at her house are a treat, because they usually include costumes and prizes! She cooks for her family of 10 every single Sunday.
3. She believes that family is the most important thing we have. She always encouraged us to support each other, spend time with each other and genuinely love each other. It is because of that, that I consider my 4 brothers, 4 of my very best friends. She made us love to spend time together, which we always have. Even when my parents go out of town, the kids still get together by ourselves to eat and hang out, because my Mom has created that kind of closeness in our family.
2. She is everyones friend. She makes everyone feel loved, appreciated and special. You don't have to know her for more than 5 minutes to feel loved by her.
1. She is my very best friend in the world and has made my life so wonderful. Growing up, I always wished I had a sister, but I soon realized that my Mom was all I needed. She means everything to me and I love her!

10 things I LOVE about my Mother-in-law:

10. She is selfless and she has a giving heart. She spends nearly all of her time serving those around her. She is also willing to sacrifice time with her sweet husband if he needs to be helping one of his sons or brothers.
9. She is a hard worker and sets a great example for me that way. You never hear her complain, she just gets the job done.
8. She is such a loving and devoted Grandma who can't get enough of her cute grandbabby. It is so fun to watch the two of them together!
7. She raised an honest and kind son, that I now get to spend the rest of my life with!
6. She is a talented cook and always makes us delicious meals! She has taught me lots about cooking already!
5. She is a great person to talk to or get advice from. Both Greg and I value her advice very much.
4. She was the only woman in a house full of men for many many years...That says a lot about her!
3. She is devoted to her family and takes care of the people she loves. She will bend over backwards for anyone and is such a great mother.
2. She is quick to giggle and laugh and is light-hearted and sweet.
1. She welcomed me into her family with open arms and I love her!

Happy Mother's Day to both of you!

I LOVE YOU!

eye candy.

this is my worst nightmare!

ps...i am completely out of blog material (shhh...don't tell)
and NO, i did not take this picture...this is NOT at my house!
If this had been at my house I would have killed myself by now.