What has this blog come to?!?!

How to tick people off....

• Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.


• In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
  
• Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."


• If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.


• Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.


• Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."


• Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."


• Practice making fax and modem noises.


• Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.


• Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.


• Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."


• Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.


• Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.


• Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."


• Staple pages in the middle of the page.


• Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.


• Honk and wave to strangers.


• Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.


• TYPE IN UPPERCASE.


• type only in lowercase.


• dont use any punctuation either
  
• Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.


• Repeat the following conversation a dozen times."DO YOU HEAR THAT?""What?""Never mind, it's gone now."


• As much as possible, skip rather than walk.


• Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.


• Ask people what gender they are.


• While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.


• Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.


• Sing along at the opera.


• Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  
• Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook, mutter something about "physchological profiles."

PS...I have realized that this blog has become more of a filing cabinet for all my random thoughts and obsessions, rather than something friends and family might actually want to read. I will try to do better. I struggle though, considering G & I have no adorable flesh babies and are extremely boring people and there is so much random crap to buy and talk about in this world!

Also, what's with elevators? I mean seriously?!? More about that later.

The End.