question:
if you had a few carefree days in utah, what would you do?
where would you play & eat?
what are your suggestions for utah adventures?
help me out, dear bloggers.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
k had a birthday, shout hooray.
me, g & two little men
happily presents:
the top 10 reasons to love my brother,
scotty-too-hotty-for-his-naughty-body
10. he is the best person to have a dance party with. hands down.
09. he is a ladies man. you can count on eating lots of cakes, cookies & treats that the ladies make him.
08. such as the eclair cake some girl made him for his birthday. thanks girl!
07. he likes exotic food & will take you to cool restaurants where the chef’s like to throw shrimp at your forehead & light your eyebrows on fire (which is AWESOME)
06. he is also a HUGE fan of the fajita & never orders anything else.
05. in his room you will find: his cat, tessa & a road sign someone stole for him that is the size of a car & says “DEAF CHILD”
04. at some point in your friendship, he might log on to Facebook & photo shop a picture of you. when he photo shops this picture, there is a good chance he will triple the size of your boobs.
03. he will willingly spend THE ENTIRE DAY helping you pack up your whole house. we are talking 10 solid hours of help. and somehow he will make you laugh uncontrollably the entire time you are packing, so that instead of having a hard, horrible day of packing you have one of the best days ever.
02. he will always be smarter than you, but in a helpful way, not an annoying one.
01. he will be your life-long bff.
hope your day was happy, k.
i love you.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
beautiful weekend.
salmon & asparagus cooked at home
lots of fun in the wee morning hours with our friends
up at 8am the next morning.
we were dead.
drove to timberlakes with our family to check out cabin sites
stunningly beautiful cannot begin to describe the day
snowshoeing for the first time (definitely want to go again)
made me long for a snowmobile
lunch at the best mexican restaurant in utah. (delicious & cool)
way too much shopping at the outlets
dinner at bonsai for k's 19th birthday (i love you)
the chef almost lit my face on fire
yummy jazz role with eel sauce
home for cake & a movie
slept in way too late the next morning (oops)
off to the rents house for lunch & a family picture
tried to protect jack & toby from being raped by other dogs
lots of fun with the extended family in town
everyone is engaged (congrats!)
and i love all my nieces.
time for a sunday night movie
and treats with my little family
i love you, weekends
you keep me sane
please come again soon!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
a jaw that was locked.
Hello. My name is Jessica. But please be advised, I do not love the name Jessica (sorry, rents) and HIGHLY prefer the name Jess, although my favorite nick name to date (besides belly, sicca, sissisa & bozybon) has GOT to be “lock jaw”.
Lock jaw is what my brothers called me for approximately 6 months or so when I couldn’t open my mouth wider than an inch. It was an awesome nickname, one which they should definitely be praised for because it’s so original & creative.
How did I become lock-jaw, you are wondering? Well, let me tell you. It is a long and complicated story that goes a little something like this. Once upon a time, I was in love with a boy. Just for the stories sake, let’s call this boy Gregory J.
Gregory J. belonged to what us Mormon’s like to refer to as a "Singles Ward” or a “Student Ward”. Now I, having been married at the tender age of 19 never had the opportunity to attend a so-called “Singles Ward” although when I announced to my Grandpa that I was engaged he did say to me, “Whew! I was getting worried! I thought I might have to send you to my SINGLES WARD, soon!” (And you all wonder why I got married at 19…mystery solved).
Moving right along…
Apparently, they do strange things at these singles wards. They like to cook pancakes in the gym after church, announce engagements over the pulpit in Sacrament Meeting & even go on camping & boating trips together. Now, my then-boyfriend, Gregory J. was, as I mentioned before, involved with this Singles Ward & was actually the “Activities Director” or something like that (basically, the person in charge of cooking the pancakes). Even though I was now dating Gregory J. & he was no longer A SINGLE…he still belonged to this ward & planned their activities from time to time. Somewhere along the way, this committee of singles decided it would be a lovely idea to take the entire ward on a boating trip to some lake I can’t remember the name of. I, being the girlfriend to the appointed Single’s Activity Director was invited to join in the festivities. I obliged & took my place as girlfriend to this high & mighty Single.
Besides almost dying when we almost hit an elk with our car in the middle of the night, we had a lovely time at the lake. I met most of the other Singles & enjoyed eating their food & sleeping in the back of Andy’s truck. One afternoon, us Singles were boating out on the lake that I can’t remember the name of (Gregory J…do you remember?) and we all decided it would be the GREATEST IDEA IN THE WORLD to climb to the top of this mountain & catapult off it from a rope swing. I, lock jaw, enjoy all things that threaten my safety & happily agreed to join the other Singles.
So, up to the top of the mountain, I climbed. Once I reached the top, I looked down & immediately regretted my decision. It was high…higher than it looked from down below & I was scared. One by one, the Singles jumped off this mountain & no one was seriously injured in the process. By the time my turn came around, I was sweating up a storm & scared out of my mind. But Gregory J. was watching from down below & I wanted to impress my new BBF (best boyfriend forever), so I took the plunge. The trick to any & all rope swings is letting go at the appropriate time…or just letting go, period…point is, eventually, you’ve got to let go. I was a tad bit TERRIFIED & ended up not being able to let go. I swung past my let-go point once & then I swung again & all the Singles were chanting “Let go! Let go!” and so finally after swinging back & forth like a pendulum, I let go.
I can’t say that I remember exactly how I contorted my body in the air as I fell from this mountain, but somehow I managed to land DIRECTLY on my face. Not on my back, or my side or even on my feet, like everyone else. I entered the water cheek first. It was hot.
I heard my jaw pop when I hit the water & when I came up for air, my face was screaming at me for being such an idiot (I mean, what kind of person JUMPS OFF A CLIFF, ANYWAYS???). Un-able to open my mouth, I tried to unclench my jaw & eventually heard another pop. Fighting back tears, I swam back to the boat, embarrassed & defeated, to join the other Singles.
From that day on, I was lock jaw. Some days my lock jaw was so bad I couldn’t open my mouth. Other days, I could open it a few inches and sneak in some small morsel of food. Club sandwiches & burgers were my worst nightmare & I avoided them like the plague. The up side to lock jaw was physically NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT (which is a huge plus when one is planning a wedding) but the down side was the fact that my JAW WAS LOCKED & I felt like an idiot 24 hours a day. We tried everything to make lock jaw go away but, even after several trips to several specialists, my jaw was still locked on my wedding day, which was AWESOME (to say the least). And just for the record, having my photographer yell “take a bigger bite! Open wider! No BIGGERRR! BIIIIGGGGGEERRRR” at us while G tried to shove cake in my peep hole was awesome, too.
Several months later, and for no apparent reason, my lock jaw went away. The circumstances of it’s disappearance are unknown and have nothing to do with the splint & muscle relaxers the doctors prescribed me because NOTHING WORKED.
I was reminded of all of this today, when my lock jaw returned momentarily around 2 pm after I had just eaten lunch. I have no idea where she came from, but when I felt the pop, it was like greeting an old friend and the thought of PHYSICALLY NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT for the next several months was like music to my ears. I imagined all the pounds I would inevitably lose & basked in my good fortune, until suddenly, I felt another pop & lock jaw disappeared again.
I can only hope that someday she will take matters into her own hands & visit me again. Having your jaw temporarily wired shut really makes WATCHING WHAT YOU EAT effortless. I can’t believe I have written this much about what a strange person I am & if any of you are still reading, I owe you a prize or something. But that, my friends, is the story of how I, lock jaw, came to be.
The End.
And for any of you who think I am making this whole thing up, the correct term for what happened to me is actually, TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder) or "too much jaw" as my family so lovingly calls it.
Lock jaw is what my brothers called me for approximately 6 months or so when I couldn’t open my mouth wider than an inch. It was an awesome nickname, one which they should definitely be praised for because it’s so original & creative.
How did I become lock-jaw, you are wondering? Well, let me tell you. It is a long and complicated story that goes a little something like this. Once upon a time, I was in love with a boy. Just for the stories sake, let’s call this boy Gregory J.
Gregory J. belonged to what us Mormon’s like to refer to as a "Singles Ward” or a “Student Ward”. Now I, having been married at the tender age of 19 never had the opportunity to attend a so-called “Singles Ward” although when I announced to my Grandpa that I was engaged he did say to me, “Whew! I was getting worried! I thought I might have to send you to my SINGLES WARD, soon!” (And you all wonder why I got married at 19…mystery solved).
Moving right along…
Apparently, they do strange things at these singles wards. They like to cook pancakes in the gym after church, announce engagements over the pulpit in Sacrament Meeting & even go on camping & boating trips together. Now, my then-boyfriend, Gregory J. was, as I mentioned before, involved with this Singles Ward & was actually the “Activities Director” or something like that (basically, the person in charge of cooking the pancakes). Even though I was now dating Gregory J. & he was no longer A SINGLE…he still belonged to this ward & planned their activities from time to time. Somewhere along the way, this committee of singles decided it would be a lovely idea to take the entire ward on a boating trip to some lake I can’t remember the name of. I, being the girlfriend to the appointed Single’s Activity Director was invited to join in the festivities. I obliged & took my place as girlfriend to this high & mighty Single.
Besides almost dying when we almost hit an elk with our car in the middle of the night, we had a lovely time at the lake. I met most of the other Singles & enjoyed eating their food & sleeping in the back of Andy’s truck. One afternoon, us Singles were boating out on the lake that I can’t remember the name of (Gregory J…do you remember?) and we all decided it would be the GREATEST IDEA IN THE WORLD to climb to the top of this mountain & catapult off it from a rope swing. I, lock jaw, enjoy all things that threaten my safety & happily agreed to join the other Singles.
So, up to the top of the mountain, I climbed. Once I reached the top, I looked down & immediately regretted my decision. It was high…higher than it looked from down below & I was scared. One by one, the Singles jumped off this mountain & no one was seriously injured in the process. By the time my turn came around, I was sweating up a storm & scared out of my mind. But Gregory J. was watching from down below & I wanted to impress my new BBF (best boyfriend forever), so I took the plunge. The trick to any & all rope swings is letting go at the appropriate time…or just letting go, period…point is, eventually, you’ve got to let go. I was a tad bit TERRIFIED & ended up not being able to let go. I swung past my let-go point once & then I swung again & all the Singles were chanting “Let go! Let go!” and so finally after swinging back & forth like a pendulum, I let go.
I can’t say that I remember exactly how I contorted my body in the air as I fell from this mountain, but somehow I managed to land DIRECTLY on my face. Not on my back, or my side or even on my feet, like everyone else. I entered the water cheek first. It was hot.
I heard my jaw pop when I hit the water & when I came up for air, my face was screaming at me for being such an idiot (I mean, what kind of person JUMPS OFF A CLIFF, ANYWAYS???). Un-able to open my mouth, I tried to unclench my jaw & eventually heard another pop. Fighting back tears, I swam back to the boat, embarrassed & defeated, to join the other Singles.
From that day on, I was lock jaw. Some days my lock jaw was so bad I couldn’t open my mouth. Other days, I could open it a few inches and sneak in some small morsel of food. Club sandwiches & burgers were my worst nightmare & I avoided them like the plague. The up side to lock jaw was physically NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT (which is a huge plus when one is planning a wedding) but the down side was the fact that my JAW WAS LOCKED & I felt like an idiot 24 hours a day. We tried everything to make lock jaw go away but, even after several trips to several specialists, my jaw was still locked on my wedding day, which was AWESOME (to say the least). And just for the record, having my photographer yell “take a bigger bite! Open wider! No BIGGERRR! BIIIIGGGGGEERRRR” at us while G tried to shove cake in my peep hole was awesome, too.
Several months later, and for no apparent reason, my lock jaw went away. The circumstances of it’s disappearance are unknown and have nothing to do with the splint & muscle relaxers the doctors prescribed me because NOTHING WORKED.
I was reminded of all of this today, when my lock jaw returned momentarily around 2 pm after I had just eaten lunch. I have no idea where she came from, but when I felt the pop, it was like greeting an old friend and the thought of PHYSICALLY NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT for the next several months was like music to my ears. I imagined all the pounds I would inevitably lose & basked in my good fortune, until suddenly, I felt another pop & lock jaw disappeared again.
I can only hope that someday she will take matters into her own hands & visit me again. Having your jaw temporarily wired shut really makes WATCHING WHAT YOU EAT effortless. I can’t believe I have written this much about what a strange person I am & if any of you are still reading, I owe you a prize or something. But that, my friends, is the story of how I, lock jaw, came to be.
The End.
And for any of you who think I am making this whole thing up, the correct term for what happened to me is actually, TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder) or "too much jaw" as my family so lovingly calls it.
warning: this post is about kissing. don't blush, mom.
Sometimes I feel like G doesn’t hear the things I say. Don’t get me wrong, he does as well as most husbands probably do, but sometimes I am almost positive he is just nodding his head & pumping his fist in the air at the appropriate times. And most of the time, I really don’t care. You see, I like to talk. I like to over-analyze every single thought I have. I like to vocalize every random thought I’m having, and believe me, people, my thoughts are RANDOM.
Just last night, in the middle of dinner I blurted out, “Isn’t it just the worst when people are horrible kissers?!”
Crickets.
Crickets.
He didn’t have a clue how to respond to that comment & I couldn’t figure out why in the world I had decided that was a good thought to share. “Where did that come from??” he asked (as he always does). And I had to explain how a blog had lead to website, lead to a comment, lead to a conversation, lead to another conversation in which we were discussing our worst kisses of all time & how I was still dry-heaving over mine, hours later.
Luckily, my husband knows me by now. And these completely irrelevant snippets flying in from left-field don’t seem to bother him much. So we sat at our dinner table & described our worst kisses of all time & laughed about the awkwardness of both. I can still remember mine…every excruciating detail and I can still remember the way I hoped and prayed it would end sooner rather than later.
Next, G told me about his. He tried to explain the way Ms. X moved her lips, but I wasn't getting it. G finally insisted on showing me exactly how Ms. X kissed him all those years ago. And as his bad demonstration morphed into a smooch from my husband, I was just happy to be with someone who knows exactly how I like to be kissed.
Just last night, in the middle of dinner I blurted out, “Isn’t it just the worst when people are horrible kissers?!”
Crickets.
Crickets.
He didn’t have a clue how to respond to that comment & I couldn’t figure out why in the world I had decided that was a good thought to share. “Where did that come from??” he asked (as he always does). And I had to explain how a blog had lead to website, lead to a comment, lead to a conversation, lead to another conversation in which we were discussing our worst kisses of all time & how I was still dry-heaving over mine, hours later.
Luckily, my husband knows me by now. And these completely irrelevant snippets flying in from left-field don’t seem to bother him much. So we sat at our dinner table & described our worst kisses of all time & laughed about the awkwardness of both. I can still remember mine…every excruciating detail and I can still remember the way I hoped and prayed it would end sooner rather than later.
Next, G told me about his. He tried to explain the way Ms. X moved her lips, but I wasn't getting it. G finally insisted on showing me exactly how Ms. X kissed him all those years ago. And as his bad demonstration morphed into a smooch from my husband, I was just happy to be with someone who knows exactly how I like to be kissed.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
fish face.
Grumpigus Azul Fish Face Kastner Graa Olsen
Peacefully passed away March 6, 2009 in his home.
Fish was born sometime in 2008 & came to live at Jessica Olsen's desk in August of that year. He was a lovely fish…beautiful & kind in every way. Fish face loved to swim in his bowl, eat his pellets, sleep in his shot glass, and lay on his rocks. He was a happy gentleman. His many talents included swimming in circles, recognizing Skip's face, going in & out of his shot glass, fasting on Sundays & playing dead. He was well behaved & never jumped out of his bowl, even though Mike said he would.
The circumstances of his death are unknown, although most believe he received some sort of deadly STD from his short term lover Mikey Phelps aka “Hope” who died the previous day. Both fish were flushed & will be reunited in sewer heaven.
Fish face was loved by all who knew him. Many Agents enjoyed stopping by his tank to admire his silky, blue fins & impressive swimming technique.
He is survived by his mothers; Jessica, Holly & Dene
As well as his siblings; Toby Olsen, Jack Bauer Olsen, Loki Poo, JinSu Kwon, Simon Monkey Katsner & Milo Squirl Katsner
As well as many friends & fish relatives.
Funeral services were held in the women’s restroom on March 6, 2009 at 10:00 AM.
Our apologies to all who missed the beautiful ceremony.
RIP FISH FACE.
Peacefully passed away March 6, 2009 in his home.
Fish was born sometime in 2008 & came to live at Jessica Olsen's desk in August of that year. He was a lovely fish…beautiful & kind in every way. Fish face loved to swim in his bowl, eat his pellets, sleep in his shot glass, and lay on his rocks. He was a happy gentleman. His many talents included swimming in circles, recognizing Skip's face, going in & out of his shot glass, fasting on Sundays & playing dead. He was well behaved & never jumped out of his bowl, even though Mike said he would.
The circumstances of his death are unknown, although most believe he received some sort of deadly STD from his short term lover Mikey Phelps aka “Hope” who died the previous day. Both fish were flushed & will be reunited in sewer heaven.
Fish face was loved by all who knew him. Many Agents enjoyed stopping by his tank to admire his silky, blue fins & impressive swimming technique.
He is survived by his mothers; Jessica, Holly & Dene
As well as his siblings; Toby Olsen, Jack Bauer Olsen, Loki Poo, JinSu Kwon, Simon Monkey Katsner & Milo Squirl Katsner
As well as many friends & fish relatives.
Funeral services were held in the women’s restroom on March 6, 2009 at 10:00 AM.
Our apologies to all who missed the beautiful ceremony.
RIP FISH FACE.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
our date with m.
last weekend was our date with little makayla & it was definitely one of the best dates either of us has ever been on. we took her to the under the sea show at the clark planetarium & then off to lunch at the "bird place" (thanks jennie for cluing us in on what the "bwurrrddd place" was).
and just for the record, we both got a kiss when we dropped her off at home.
swweeet.
bonus picture at their house after:
swweeet.
bonus picture at their house after:
thanks for letting us borrow her, ty & jennie!
hopefully busy little m can pencil us in again sometime soon.
hopefully busy little m can pencil us in again sometime soon.
Monday, March 2, 2009
death.
attention all: our lovely little home has officially been INVADED!
i came home from work tonight & started pulling food out of my fridge for dinner. as set the milk, eggs & butter down, i noticed an ant crawling on my clean countertop. i was understandably horrified & quickly killed it. immediately, i noticed a few more. so, i killed those. and then i started really looking & noticed that there were ants EVERWHERE. and i mean everywhere...on the counter, crawling up the walls, in my sink, on the floor, on my stove...
i want to die.
i do not do well with bugs. i do not do well with bugs in my sink, in my kitchen, on my always-clean-if-i-can-help-it-COUNTERTOP.
(my apologies to ryan & mckenzie for all the screaming/vacuuming/freaking out i am sure they heard)
husband & i cleaned the entire kitchen from top to bottom. we disinfected & sanitized everything. i mopped the floor twice. and then, we took a break and watched jason be the biggest jerk of all time (seriously, LAME). after we finished, we noticed that all our hard work was for nothing, because there were a new set of satans crawling around everywhere.
help.
no, seriously.
HELP!
i came home from work tonight & started pulling food out of my fridge for dinner. as set the milk, eggs & butter down, i noticed an ant crawling on my clean countertop. i was understandably horrified & quickly killed it. immediately, i noticed a few more. so, i killed those. and then i started really looking & noticed that there were ants EVERWHERE. and i mean everywhere...on the counter, crawling up the walls, in my sink, on the floor, on my stove...
i want to die.
i do not do well with bugs. i do not do well with bugs in my sink, in my kitchen, on my always-clean-if-i-can-help-it-COUNTERTOP.
(my apologies to ryan & mckenzie for all the screaming/vacuuming/freaking out i am sure they heard)
husband & i cleaned the entire kitchen from top to bottom. we disinfected & sanitized everything. i mopped the floor twice. and then, we took a break and watched jason be the biggest jerk of all time (seriously, LAME). after we finished, we noticed that all our hard work was for nothing, because there were a new set of satans crawling around everywhere.
help.
no, seriously.
HELP!
recently.
you might be me if you fall down the stairs at work & bruise both legs from ankle to knee.
you might be me if you have nightmares that leave you too terrified to get up and pee.
you might be me if you knock magnets off the fridge while playing fetch with your pup.
you might be me if you think gregory john is hot. but then again, you might just be some chick (he is taken, ladies).
you might be me if you call hillside floral to request a hydrangea replacement. and you talk with the manager for 4 days & get them to agree to replace said hydrangea & then arrive at the store & realize the flowers were purchased from cactus & tropical. and husband definitely told you that. and where in the world did hillside floral come from?
you might be me if there is always a bag of clothes to be returned in the backseat of you car.
you might be me if you bake a dozen cookies, eat one & then give the rest away, because you know you are not strong enough to resist the temptation of eating all 12.
you might be me if you think to yourself that you are so sick of blogging. so you log onto blogger & blog about it (true story, but i didn't post it).
you might be me if you get a brand-spankin' new cell phone & vow to never drop it. you might be me if you then proceed to drop it twice in the first 24 hours.
you might be me if you are in-capable of producing anything besides random, pointless posts.
(sorry about that, friends)
you might be me if you have nightmares that leave you too terrified to get up and pee.
you might be me if you knock magnets off the fridge while playing fetch with your pup.
you might be me if you think gregory john is hot. but then again, you might just be some chick (he is taken, ladies).
you might be me if you call hillside floral to request a hydrangea replacement. and you talk with the manager for 4 days & get them to agree to replace said hydrangea & then arrive at the store & realize the flowers were purchased from cactus & tropical. and husband definitely told you that. and where in the world did hillside floral come from?
you might be me if there is always a bag of clothes to be returned in the backseat of you car.
you might be me if you bake a dozen cookies, eat one & then give the rest away, because you know you are not strong enough to resist the temptation of eating all 12.
you might be me if you think to yourself that you are so sick of blogging. so you log onto blogger & blog about it (true story, but i didn't post it).
you might be me if you get a brand-spankin' new cell phone & vow to never drop it. you might be me if you then proceed to drop it twice in the first 24 hours.
you might be me if you are in-capable of producing anything besides random, pointless posts.
(sorry about that, friends)
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